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| Hpathy Ezine - September, 2006 | |||||
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Mission: Impossible (NOT!)-- Kelly Young, Elaine Lewis, CHom |
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Just in time for the September issue, my son, Mr. Phelps, became ill. Finally, your kids are getting sick on schedule; I have deadlines, you know. Do you have any idea how many people want my job? I'll just take a guess and say, zero? How did you know? The Arbitrons are out...anyway, not to dwell on your ratings, maybe I should just resume my recitation of Mr. Phelp's case. And why aren't you and little Mr. Phelps on first-name speaking terms? Elaine, "Mr. Phelps" isn't his real name! Don't you get it? Mr. Phelps? "Mission: Impossible"? I was thinking we should have a picture of Tom Cruise on the cover. Why? Because he played Mr. Phelps! No, no, Kelly, Peter Graves played Mr. Phelps! Elaine, have you done anything at all since the '60's? Not really. No one has the slightest idea who Peter Graves is! Oh yeah? Well, Tom Cruise is no Peter Graves, I'll tell ya that! Well, my son happens to be Tom Cruise! Fine! Maybe that's why he's so sick all the time! Who in his right mind would cast Tom Cruise in the role of a CIA agent? He doesn't look a day out of grade school himself, not unlike...your son. Forget I said anything. Can I go on now? Yes, before we lose what's left of our audience! Ahem! So, as I was saying, my poor little son, Mr. Tom Cruise Phelps, had a headache in the morning a few days ago, and then later on the same day developed a fever. The headache was mostly in the forehead area. His face and ears were red and his skin very hot to the touch. He said he felt a little dizzy and his eyes hurt when he looked at bright lights. He was also chilly. Mr. phelps layed on the couch not wanting to do much of anything,
which included talking! He wasn't particularily thirsty but would
drink little sips of water when I reminded him. He said he was hungry
but never got up to eat. I wonder if we should make Peter Graves our centerfold.... Isn't he, like, 90 years old? Shouldn't you and your son be out looking for Osama bin Laden? With pleasure, as this building is due to self-destruct in 5 seconds! ____________________________________________________________ ______________ Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to find the correct remedy and save Mr. Phelps. Send your top-secret remedy pick to Elaine at LEWRA@aol.com |
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