| Written intake followed by interview notes on
a 49-year-old man, PF, suffering from lifelong psoriasis. Be sure
to consider the miasm(s) involved. Maybe he reflects more than one!
What miasm covers his chief complaint, his mental state?
Chief Complaint
What condition
or issue would you like to address with homeopathy?
Psoriasis/depression/headaches
When did it begin?
What do you think caused it?
At birth/unknown/also
unknown, but at the time I was exposed to extremely high doses of
X-ray radiation as treatment for the condition. The X-rays were
directed at my face.
What symptoms accompany
this condition?
Depression, listlessness,
suicidal thoughts and feelings, low energy, withdrawal from life,
hopelessness, resentment, an often strong desire that my life be
over, being wholly persuaded that I will never escape this scourge,
poor sleep, poor performance.
Mental/Emotional
Do you remember
your dreams? Do you have recurring dreams? About what?
Occasionally/yes/I’m
in a school, usually a high school trying to finish an assignment
that I’m completely unprepared for (clueless) and there is an atmosphere
in the dream of a looming deadline - once this deadline elapses
I will be lost, left behind, left alone - the feeling of being left
behind is very powerful, compelling (I can feel it in my viscera).
Do you weep easily?
Under what circumstances?
Yes - music particularly
- books - movies if it’s done well (not the
mawkish, cheap-shit hollywood mainstream)
When I think
about children all over the world who are beaten, abused, starved,
abandoned, sexually abused, ignored, used as weapons of war etc.
- I weep.
How do other people
view you? What do others complain about in you?
I don’t know.
Some seem to love me dearly and indulge my excesses and misfeasances,
others instantly detest me.
- that I’m distant
and withdraw
- chronically
unhappy, dissatisfied with my lot
- indolence
- arrogance
What makes you angry? How do you express anger, if at all?
I seek God’s
help in my life but it rarely if ever seems manifest or forthcoming.
Perhaps I miss the forest for the trees. At any rate, I’m almost
always angry at God these days.
By depression
- or - by raving about things I can never change - like my age or
the economic circumstances of my parents when I was a child.
Do you tend to
have a lack of self-confidence and a poor sense of self-worth?
Yes, and yes.
Are you a tidy
person or not so tidy? Do you tend to collect things?
I binge - I’ll
make messes, get disgusted with the mess and embark on cleaning/culling
rampage. yes, I collect shit like a pack rat.
On what occasions
do you feel jealous?
When my wife
and I visit a Westchester friend of ours and her 8 yr old son on
their 2,000 acre rolling estate - her father is a multimillionaire
as is her husband. I’m painfully aware of my shortcomings as a provider
when I go there.
What were you like
as a child?
hyper-active,
troublesome, annoying, destructive, cruel to animals, academically
inferior, bed-wetted, cruel to my younger siblings, bullied unmercifully
by my father, utterly un-self-aware, zero self-control
What would you
most like to change about yourself? Almost everything.
Family History:
Truckloads of
alcoholism, boatloads of depression, self-destructive behavior by
the car-load - not a lot of cancer, but some. colon, liver, breast.
People on both sides of the family fence seemed to live into the
80s and die of the usual scourges of that age - pneumonia, heart
failure, organic breakdown, stupidity, et al.
Time Line
Oy. Radiation
treatments in infancy for eczema. Hi-dose X-ray radiation directed
at face. I’m told it cleared the eczema, but what else did it do
to me? I’ve come across stories about people who received these
treatments back in the 50s and they reported a variety of side effects
ranging from superficial to horrifying.
- skin problems
of one stripe or another since infancy - eczema, psoriasis, poison
ivy, poison oak, hives, dermatitis, reactions to herbicides/insecticides,
diaper rash (bed wetted to age 12), funguses (ringworm, staph, et
al.). My skin has plagued me since birth. Must be a karmic thing.
- Abused by grammar
school principal repeatedly - slapped, strapped, humiliated publicly
- also abused by teachers (altho in the interests of full disclosure
I was a provocative little shit)
- Failed 1st
grade - steadily downward scholastic spiral starting with 5th grade
- Couldn’t concentrate
- Couldn’t complete
assignments
- Daydreamed
frequently
- Found math,
particularly algebra, inscrutable
- Dropped out
sophomore year
- Went to work
for a chain burger stand fulfilling my career expectations to the
utmost - really reaching for the firmament - got fired - oh no!
forced to return to high school - but thrown out yet again for a
sick-note I forged before I quit high school - (hence my finely
tuned appreciation for irony)
- Never graduated
from H.S.
- Never took
S.A.T.’s
- Never took
a girl to the prom
- Never won an
award for scholastic or athletic excellence
- Never made
the honor roll
- Never got a
100 (or A+) in a class (any class)
- Never made
my parents proud of any academic achievement(s)
- Never came
within a long weekend of a college or university
- At 49, with
a few notable exceptions in the course of my working life, I’ve
held or been terminated from a veritable catalogue of shitty, low-paying,
depressing, soul-crushing jobs.
- I once had
a fantasy of pursuing a career in pop music as a singer but that
died with all the other dreams
- Began a serious
career in alcohol/drug abuse at age 17 and spent most of the ensuing
12 years committing suicide on the installment plan
- Overdosed on
methadone & alcohol in Aug. 1977 (same day Elvis died) survived
but only just
(Psoriasis reappeared
after 10 years at age 21)
- Drank like
a pig
- lived in squalor
- cheated, lied,
stole
- Got married
@ 25 - why ruin just my life when I can ruin 2 for the same price?
- Oh, did I mention?
One of the shittier jobs I held in my early 20s was in a film processing
factory - lots of swell toxic chemicals everywhere, acids and alkalis
at extreme ends of the P.H. scale - anyway, I mixed chemistry for
the film processing in 4,000 litre vats w/huge industrial mixers
mounted across the tops - my hair was long at the time and whilst
reaching into the top of the tank for a sample for the lab, my hair
brushed against the shaft, caught, and was torn from my scalp. It
should have broken my neck but here I am.
Is this a sad
litany or what?
Anyway that’s
enough for now -
I got sober at
29 - the 1st ray of lite to peek into my dark little shit-hole of
a universe in years
- Got divorced
(no kids thank God)
- More crappy
jobs
- Blah Blah
- The cumulative
effect of 28 yrs. of psoriasis has been dreadful
I’m so beaten
down by it words fail me.
- I don’t have
any zest for life or living
- I don’t care
about anything - except my 2 children
- I love my wife
but most of the time I lack the energy to express it
- I look forward
to death but not much else
- I have constant
headaches & sleep wretchedly - I almost never feel rested or
refreshed after a full night’s sleep
- I have 0 libido
- I detest my
current job
- I’m broke and
in debt
- I hardly eat
yet I gain weight
- I feel like
shit most days
- I seriously
doubt that 1 remedy is going to address all of this - but I’ve been
wrong b-4.
What sort of weather
do you DISLIKE most? (damp, cool, hot, windy, etc.)
I loathe a cold
wet climate so naturally I’m living in a bog swamp like Jersey City
which offers the very finest in a wretched winter weather.
Are you a chilly
or a hot person?
I’m a chilly
person - frozen would be more accurate.
I like 80º to
95º temps, but I’ll take the heat over the humidity every time.
How do you feel
when you wake up? lousy
- exhausted, drained of energy, mentally fogged, physically exhausted.
Do you typically
wake up in the middle of the night at a particular time?
I wake up to
pee anywhere from 3-15 x’s /night (Krist, no wonder I’m so tired)
Food: cravings
for
spicy anything - especially Thai food, Mexican food, Chinese, chili
peppers, Fra Diavlo sauce etc.
aversions to (dislike taste of): turnips, curry,
cauliflower, beets, anything bitter (like broccoli rabe)
Describe your diet
in a few words:
bland, dull (like my life)
Are you thirsty?
Nah
For hot drinks? Nah Cold drinks? Nah Ice
cubes? Nah
Interview: he’s
a burly guy in a sweatshirt and baseball cap, a straight-talking
guy who swears a blue streak but has an underlying sincerity, gentleness
and spirituality.
CC: large areas of
red lesions on arms, legs and back a 6 or 7 on a 10 scale. Start
as round spots, then spread and become confluent, irregular patches.
So bad at times that
to arise and dress is a monumental task. It burns so much, like
a bad sunburn, it hurts to get up, skin cracks and bleeds.
Psych. landscape =
he’s going into a dark place a week or 2 before. He knows an outbreak
is coming before it starts and knows he’s about to go into the dark
place.
The skin raises, exfoliation,
cracking and bleeding. Lots of scaling. Sometimes flakes off in
large patches. Uses a generic version of Aquaphor to moisturize;
without it he would have no life at all. Uses very hot baths to
help — 1-2 hours.
He gets non-communicative.
He has no desire to describe what is going on.
Lasts 1-3 weeks. Respite
period lasts a few weeks to a few months.
It has driven him
to seriously consider suicide. He has sat on the ledge of a building
and thought about it. Not violent guy. He is angry about his condition,
about what his body is doing to him, and he wants to get back at
it by destroying it.
Has been in therapy.
He has his own theory of why he got psoriasis. As a baby, he was
exposed to radiation therapy for eczema. He believes he had some
food intolerance to his baby formula, was not breastfed. Had eczema
on face. He went to a pediatrician who prescribed x-ray treatment,
the treatment then for various skin conditions.
Has had emotional
problems and headaches for most of his life.
It is common for people
treated with x-rays to be depressed and maladjusted and to have
skin conditions like psoriasis.
Has had it since age
of 20, when it re-emerged after being gone from age 11 (in childhood
was a large patch on back of L leg). Exposed to photo chemistry
in a lab in Calif. at 20. Got contact dermatitis, that was treated
and went away [suppressed], psoriasis came back. He has never stopped
trying to treat it. He has always looked for ways of treating his
psoriasis with both allopathic and alternative modalities. Has done
homeopathy since age 36. Has even tried drinking his own urine.
Also allopathic modalities including methotrexate, light therapy.
Whenever he starts
a therapy, it usually works well initially because he is doing something.
Then it stops working, he goes off it, then there’s a snap back
period. Feels it is now intransigent. It’s locked into the cells,
in his cellular memory. Has managed to persuade himself that he
is going to be “put into the box” with lesions on his skin. Believes
it is his fate.
What is concomitant
with the psoriasis is the mental landscape. It has beaten me down.
My life is goddamn dreary. No energy, my Vital Force keeps getting
weaker. The inflammations take tremendous energy, that is why I
withdraw.
Regrets - I was a
singer. I could have done something. I knew how to do it, to get
on stage and work a room. I drank myself out of my career. I was
usually drinking or drunk when I got on stage. It colored my performance.
I drank myself out of a career in pop music.
Had a spiritual awakening
20 yrs ago in AA. In Dec. 1996, I was going to an early morning
AA meeting in Manhattan, in therapy, reading Scott Peck’s The
Road Less Traveled. He felt a soft touch on his shoulder. A
voice said, “Everything is all right. I am with you.” He felt a
tremendous feeling of awakening and light. Realized that we act
mostly out of fear. All of that fear fell away from me. I felt fearless
for the first time in my life. It lasted for 12 days. I had visions.
All the static that occupies one’s thoughts went away. This eclipsed
any love experience by a couple of hundred suns.
I was doing yoga at
the time. I was open to it the awakening. I thought about joining
a monastery after the awakening, leaving my wife and kids. But I
never did anything with the experience. I slept for 2 hours a night,
prayed and meditated and enjoyed the experience. I didn’t have any
weight. I floated like a dancer. I didn’t do anything with the
experience. Just one more thing I didn’t act on.
O: tone of regret,
self-reproach.
I stood at a fork
and went the other way. The psoriasis cleared up during those days.
Was it God’s way of saying “Follow Me”?
I have never been
able to square my experience with God with the psoriasis.
I could not abandon
my wife or my kids. It didn’t seem Godly.
But I was convinced
that to follow that ascetic path was a way to heal or to shoulder
my responsibility.
After the awakening,
the more I enmeshed myself in this world, the worse I got.
When he’s really mad
at God, he tells him he doesn’t like a bully. It reminds him of
his Dad, he got the strap as a kid. God has all the power and I
don’t have any of the power.
I do not like cold
even a little bit except my pillow, I keep turning my pillow. Head
of bed makes it worse. Skin is > hot weather. I like heat in
any form, saunas, hot tubs, hot weather. I can take 90% humidity.
I like hot weather but the consequence of having this condition
is that I would be rejected from a public pool. It has an inhibiting
effect on one’s life. It’s a disfigurement. IT feels malignant and
horrible.
We go to Asbury Park
because there are no people there. People gawk at me. It makes me
live my life in particular ways. It gets tiresome. The leprosy experience.
I was one of those kids that didn’t know to shut up. I didn’t care
if I got caught. I was stupid. A little self destructive.
Skin -worse early
morning on waking 6 am. Uses a cabinet scraper to scratch it!
Also late afternoon
at work, his legs itch.
Mentals worse at 1-2 am, can wake up feeling, “My life is a nightmare.”
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