Follow Up: August 24, 2015
- Now much better. I can process what’s bothering me.
- I can think clearly; not like before, very clouded.
- Before I took the Rxs I was completely blocked. Like an engine that does not operate. Then, like oiling the engine and the engine started working; shaking a lot. Obviously not producing anything because it had a lot of waste and a lot of dust. Zero productivity. Then when I took the Rxs; I became a complete wreck; aggressing everyone, angry at everything. I became very negative, pessimistic.
- After the Rxs I became very detached.
- I’m definitely better off than when we started. Now, at least I know what is bothering me, what I think went wrong. After my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I prioritized my parents and became a caregiver; prioritized everybody over my needs. That’s when things started to go dramatically wrong. I wanted to be the exact opposite of what I am, systematic; so I wanted to be completely chaotic. That was in Oct. 2012. I had a job, a routine. It suffocated me in the end. I’m always one of extremes.
- Vomiting 9 times/day. Best release in the world.
- My skin started to scar (acne). This obviously upset me.
- Everything is scaring me; that wasn’t there before.
- My body feels so old.
- Now there is perception; I have open eyes but I’m still not out of bed.
- I cancelled my trip because I’m not physically prepared; to a mountain in Russia, the highest in Europe.
- I’m straight to the point. I won’t sugar coat things
- Sad stories about animals? It enrages me but does not dominate my life as it used to. Before I liked a cause to fight for.
- There are still a lot of constraints and a lot of pressure from the family.
- How are you feeling in general? Much, much, much, better. I’m actually feeling very good. I need to fix myself but feel very good. More open to relationships than I was before.
- When I was at university my mum was very attached to me, so she became anorexic.
Falco-p has obviously helped but as she said, “I have open eyes but still not out of bed”. Moreover, the vomiting is much worse now.
I feel Haliae-lc (Bald Eagle) is more suitable , particularly in view of this Rx’s self-destructive tendency when it comes to food. She vomits to feel lightness. She loves the mountains and can’t stand cruelty to the extent that she is willing to fight a legal battle for this cause. Haliae-lc is the only Rx in the rubric: [mind; FIGHT, wants to; legal (1)]!! Being in the mountains, she can see things more clearly. Moreover, she likes to be alone. Other polarities that point to Haliae-lc include the focused, versus unfocused vision; structured versus chaotic and doing the opposite (from the Proving: “I feel like going the opposite way.”). The Px says: “I wanted to be the exact opposite of what I am, systematic; so I wanted to be completely chaotic.”
Finally, the concern for her mother as well as the disconnection from her parents, point to Haliae-lc. The theme of the mother emerges strongly in Jeremy Sherr’s proving, as does the legal theme (the Px is a lawyer). The theme of clinging that emerges in this case is also noteworthy. The mother became anorexic after the Px went to university. So the roles are switched (opposite again) [mind; CLINGING; take hand or part of mother, will always (14)]. But in this case, the mother is the one who clings. Finally, new symptoms emerged in this follow up including feeling old and feeling detached, both of which appear under Eagle [mind; DELUSIONS, imaginations; old; he is (26), and, mind; DETACHED (87)]. Haliae-lc also appears under [skin; ERUPTIONS; vesicles; blood blisters (67)]. It is interesting to compare Haliae-lc with Falco-p. The latter is very sensitive to the injustice in the world. Eagle, however, is more self-destructive.
I would prefer to give 12c but as I don’t have it at the moment, I’ll give 30c.
Rx: Haliaeetus leucocephalus (Haliae-lc) 30c
Follow Up – November 1, 2015:
- Much better than before. Much gentler. Before shaking, with this one, it’s mellow. Now I feel vulnerable and raw. Before I was very aggressive. If someone says something I would immediately attack. Now I might just turn a blind eye (Hand Gesture (HG) claws).
- I wouldn’t cry or wouldn’t want to cry. Now I do, but in a normal way.
- I just stopped vomiting. It was fantastic, doing yoga 3 times/day.
- Stopped taking responsibility for things I’m not responsible for.
- Not as clouded as before. I was very clouded, couldn’t think at all. After Rxs 90% cleared. The first couple of Rxs were very instant, very sharp. Now it’s more of a process. It’s good I think.
- I don’t get as bloated and I don’t get heartburn. Before I used to get a lot of heartburn and reflux.
- Don’t crave meat as much; mainly craves fruit, pomegranates (New Sx).
- Before, like oiling engines and shaking. Now they work but before they come up with anything productive, they stop.
- Substitute binge eating with cleaning, organizing.
- I used to think poisonous thoughts; negative body image.
- Now there is a very clear flow; no more pathologizing and dramatizing.
- Became very detached? Now no, detached but more sensible.
- Body feels so old? Still feels very old but obviously need to exercise.
- Straight to the point? I still do but it’s much gentler.
- Now I feel fantastic but feel vulnerable. Things still hunt me. Preschool brought rabbits; I wanted to tear their face; a lot of animals starve and eat each other. They don’t see sunlight for a month. I went everyday to feed them so they wouldn’t eat each other. I could have taken them to the vet but it was not my responsibility. They eventually died. Did that upset you? No, they’re not my responsibility. Different response for you? Definitely, before I’d have taken them, I would have found a way; now I think: why would I?
Rx: Halia-lc 30c
Follow Up – December 3, 2015:
- I’ve been the same more or less; no ups no downs in terms of Rx.
- A lot of things changed. Before, no stability; too happy or too sad. I still have long way to go; I’m more pragmatic.
- It’s a huge difference; when I eat, I can taste the food.
- My skin cleared a bit.
- My thinking, focus, energy was very stable. I was very cheerful.
- I did put on a bit of weight.
- Started to focus on things.
- Ten days ago started vomiting up to 3 times a day. Last 4-5 days trying not to, but vomiting once/day. I didn’t find it very difficult to stop.
- Before, I didn’t know what was happening to me. Now I’m very clear.
- Before things used to go by the dot. Over the years everything spun out of control. Became very unproductive and reoccurring relationship drama. Shattered dreams and ambitions; things wanted to get done but did not. What used to really bug me, and still does, is there’s no source to go to that’s trusted and unbiased. Everyone wants something. At the moment I feel someone can direct me when I lose my way. There are things that I have to work on; procrastination and indecisiveness.
Rx: Halia-lc 12 c (in water 3 times/week)
Follow Up – February 6, 2017:
- Everything is good. I’m much better. Never went back to how I was before the Rxs.
- Before Rxs: I would cry very quickly. Now: I cry sometimes but not a lot.
- Before numb; I would feel very detached. Before Rx I was like (HG: up & down) sharp and steep; I would react to everything. Impact was really deep; if sad get very sad if happy very happy…. Now, I do get affected if I’m upset, but I don’t get trapped in the feeling anymore.
- Became a bit mean to people; not as considerate as I used to be.
- I can trust myself better. Before if I knew a film was sad, or charity work, I wouldn’t be able to do it. Now I’m stronger. Before it was a complete disaster; I would get completely hung over whatever I see.
- Now I can focus; before felt my neurons wouldn’t function at all. After the Rx I feel there is a push to get them working; I feel a lot better. Able to focus on tasks better. Before the Rxs; I was unconscious.
- What would you love to do? All related to sustainable travel; benefit local communities as opposed to exploiting them. Cultural exchange program. Send people from this part of the world and work in orphanages, or do something productive. What the idea exactly is I still don’t know. What’s stopping you? I don’t have focus. Everybody I’m surrounded with has no vision at all; they’re not visionaries.
- I really think if I clear my room; feel our house is very untidy … need to clear everything basically.
- I still prioritize parents and siblings over myself.
- I love the mountains; life is very simple on the mountain. I like the altitude. Feel body benefits with the lack of oxygen as opposed to going to the Dead sea. I become very energetic. I like the challenge of getting somewhere, having structure and routine.
- Now if I argue with someone and I know it’s not going to get me anywhere, I know there’s no need to argue anymore. I try to see other people’s perspective.
- More conscious of what my body wants, but still have far to go. Anxious to get it over and done with because I’ve wasted so much time with that bulimia problem.
- Vomiting? Now I really don’t need to do it anymore. It’s much better Bulimia 35-40% better but with everything else it’s 80-75% better.
- Animal rights? Now I do get very sad, but after I watch something or write something I move on almost immediately. Horses have always been special; wild horses. Something about them that’s very graceful. I watch them for hours. They’re graceful they’re free.
- Sun? On hiking trail, there was 100% sun exposure. Don’t like its effect on my body. Wears me out very quickly. I enjoy the light. Enjoy sunrise and sunset.
- One more thing, I really like being with people. That changed a lot. Improvement is 100%; it’s a huge improvement.
- I really feel different. My energy is brighter and lighter. Before, I couldn’t pinpoint what I wanted. Now I know what I want. I have a clearer idea of what I’m supposed to be or where I’m supposed to be. The idea of ‘elsewhere’ doesn’t allure me so much.
From the Proving (Sherr, Jeremy, Dynamic Provings Volume One):
- Feeling old, really old.
- The feeling of this remedy is too much light or too little light.
- After I looked at the sun, I saw four suns in a ring connected to each other, and another one above with strings of light.
- My clarity and focus is much better. Not so many things distracting me. Life is much simpler, much clearer.
- Alert and intensely calm feeling. Feeling connected. Synchronicity.
- It is the structure that people who are bad within the structure fight the bad. The only way to do anything is to sit back and witness the set up, not be a part of the structure for either good or bad. People as individuals are pulling out of the game of good and bad. It’s a bad people’s game and you can’t win. Playing it just supports the game, even if you are one of the good people. Good people get co-opted into being just as bad as the bad people. What is right action?
- I feel if I could get things neat and organized the world would be perfect, but I can never get to that point, because there will be a flow. Trying to get things organized at home, which is like trying to get my eyes focused. Other times I just stared out the window,
- Tremulous heart center sensation. Feeling for people, puppies and just feel my heart.
- Pressure to tell people what I saw. Usually I don’t say anything. But with the pressure, I felt like I had to tell them.
- Feel somewhat critical of myself. Not getting anything done. Want to be in a structured, organized place and can’t get there. I’d like to be really busy. I have more ideas in my head than I can do. I need to get active again, structure things, and set goals.
- I allowed my mother to mother me for the first time. It was a wonderful visit. For the first time ever I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and allowed her to love me. I had never felt I was the child with her before. These thoughts were foreign to me.
- Pictures of the mountains make me homesick. Deeper than homesick. Feeling low, remembering the freedom of going to them. Missing mountains and the outdoors.
- Must pull myself back to focus to read. Focus is hazy and soft. Letters look jumbled, out of focus. Similar to my mind. Can’t focus and have no desire, no motivation or ambition to do it.
- I start something and get bored with it. I need three things going on at the same time and rotate from one to the other. Can’t stick to anything.
- Don’t feel I have any direction. Usually I have a direction though I might not know where it is going to lead. Now I feel lost, like I have no ground under me. I have no idea.
- Wanted to be left alone.
- Getting curt with people. Abrupt in conversation, cutting things off sooner.
- Foggy about dates. Meetings scheduled next month I thought were this month.
- I have always been very aware of my own emotional state and behavior. During the first few days of the proving I was not aware. It was unusual for me to be so removed from what’s going on.
- Feel self-destructive, like eating greasy fatty junk food, not exercising, slowly kill myself that way. Why care?
- Usually I enjoy my exercise; today it’s going against what my will wants to do. The exercise practice equals life and health. I feel like going the opposite way.
- I was anxious about so much rain.
- Looking for an escape.
- Boxed in feeling with no way to express anger. Start taking it out on the kids, as if they are trying to break me, to get me. Better getting out, going away from home and family.
- I have been really pissed off again since the proving ended…It’s an unusual amount of anger. An Everest of emotions.
- Spent most of today thinking about how I am surrounded by idiots, (my family), who are showing no attempts to think for themselves, letting me run the show. They don’t care to figure things out. I’m in hyper-drive. I know a lot and I’m right.
- I have been in new relationship for about five months. Got really angry with my partner. I wanted to shake her.
- I found there was great freedom in being real, instead of playing around in the romantic phase. She had difficulty in being grounded. I’m a very grounded person, difficult for me to be an airy fairy flighty kind of person.
- Explosive fight. Communication not good. I felt trapped.