R-E-S-P-E-C-T 2

Author: Mati Fuller

57. Describe your energy. I’m low energy in the morning. Two hours after I wake up i.e. around 11:00 a.m. I feel energetic, but by 3:00 p.m. I’m pretty much done for the day and like to rest and watch TV ( she watches TV about 5

57. Describe your energy.

I’m low energy in the morning. Two hours after I wake up i.e. around 11:00 a.m. I feel energetic, but by 3:00 p.m. I’m pretty much done for the day and like to rest and watch TV

( she watches TV about 5 hours a day and does not even take a walk or exercise).
58. Is there anything that really gets on your nerves? How do you react to it?

I don’t like when people don’t respect me and give me proper attention.

Mati: Attention is like food to her!

How would you know if they are disrespectful, they could be busy or shy and not open to conversation?

No that’s not how it is. I go into the room they should welcome me and be nice and respectful.

Mati: She must have it, it’s like an addiction!
59. Are there any topics you seem to be obsessed with?

No.
60. What was your ambition in childhood? What is your ambition now?

Mom, what did you wanna be when you grew up?

Nothing really, I really didn’t have any ambition, I mean I was pretty and spoke English so I was educated everyone knew I was special why would I wanna be anything else?

Mati: Being pretty gave her attention, so why would she want anything more? Any other ambition simply wasn’t needed in her perception of reality. And this is what we need to understand. We need to look at how she ticks at her core level. In this case it has to do with getting attention.

*********
Answers to follow-up questions:

Joe, how was your sister treated by her?

My sister was a child prodigy as a student, she finished high school at the age of 16, and took a board exam in which all the city children competed (averarge age was 18 for them). She came #1 out of 43,000 students, quite an accomplishment. She finished med school by the age of 23!!! and one year later was awarded Fellow of Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons. She was quite the lovable person, kinda goofy and funny, not stuck up at all, neither proud nor pretentious. Of course everybody in our little town loved her and my mom was a bit pissed about it as she was proud and pretentious. She would try to control my sister who was also pretty timid but intelligent enough to see through my mom. My mom realized that too, but at the same time my mom liked to take credit for my sister’s achievements. She would physically and verbally abuse my sister and try to dominate her. However, I believe my mom knew that my sister would never actually believe nor bow down to her, she would only do so to avoid confrontation or to keep my mom away from her.
My sister told me that when she was 12 she decided to run away but my Dad sensed it and caught up with her and talked her into staying home. She also thought that our mom had adopted the two of us since we are nothing like her and we used to joke about it all the time. I remember she once slapped my sister on the face so hard that she ruptured a blood vessel and her eye turned red. I gotta stop here, Elaine……..

More info about lemons?

She tells me that she loves lemonade and lemon chutney and lemon over a number of dishes but claims it gives her joint pains now.

Joe, it can’t be that she has no fears; think!

OK, as I remember, she is scared of thunder and lightning, live or dead snakes, and she also admitted something weird, she is afraid of waves in the ocean but likes pond water if that makes sense. We live on Meadow Hill Ave. and the street is sloped, she is afraid of falling down or losing her balance. She is also afraid of accidentally locking herself out of the house, she only goes outside if somebody is inside the house or at least that’s the excuse she uses.

Although she denies it, she has always been afraid of snakes as far back as I can remember. Last weekend my bonehead teenager accidentally killed a snake (with the lawn mower) about two feet long and wanted to keep it as a souvenir ( yeah that’s why I refer to him kindly as a bonehead) but she nearly had a heart attack.

Is your mother the type who has an intolerance for anyone moving at a slow pace? Does she try to hurry people up?

Like you said, nowadays she is slow but loves to go on a car ride with me as I drive a bit fast. She claims back in her day she was quite the fast driver or Miss Leadfoot. But intolerance for anyone moving at a slow pace, I haven’t observed that.

Does she feign illness to get attention?

All the time!!!! Every other day she is sick or has a fever that is not detected by a thermometer! She told Marge once she had stroke, so Marge took her the hospital. The doctors after a complete and thorough check up concluded she NEVER had a stroke in her life. At this point she changed her story and said some doctor told her she had a stroke, she didn’t know anything about it. She also told Marge she had a heart condition but guess what? The cardiologist didn’t think so, stories go on and on and on………………………

Mati: Feigning sickness is another great way to get attention!

What about music and dancing, any feelings about that?

She does like music and dance. She likes to watch the stupid Indian music videos and listens to the songs and turns up the volume.

Does she speak fast, eat fast? Move quickly? Of course, she’s old now, so think back to earlier times.

She does speak fast and she used to speak fast. She chews at slightly faster rate than normal and when she was young she did try to move fast even though she was not quite light on her feet.

Desire for chocolate? Vinegar?

Not that she mentioned. She does like chocolate but I don’t think she craves it. Nothing about vinegar.

Does she complain about noise?
Only if she is watching TV.

Problem with constipation?

Yes. She does complain about constipation almost on a regular basis.

Did she always perspire?

From what I remember YES

Was she always overweight?

She was always on the heavy side and quite a lazy person from what I recall.

Does she have arthritis?

She has pain in her knees but she is also obese.

Does she like to talk? Does she talk on and on and on, not letting anyone else into the conversation?

Oh God! She can hold a conversation by herself and yes she goes on and on and on and on.

Any issues with jealousy and envy?

Big time. The last outburst she had was when she was ticked off that I went to the grocery store with Marge but didn’t take her to WalMart.

Mati: You mean, you gave Marge attention instead of her??? No wonder she was upset!

Is she suspicious of people’s motives?

Extremely, everybody is under scrutiny.

Cold hands and feet?

Yes.

Desire for alcohol?

She doesn’t drink, never did.

Was your sister beautiful? Did she steal center stage away from your mother?
My sister was pretty, not a geeky looking girl at all. Every one talked about her, so yeah she stole center stage alright.

Does your mother think she’s beautiful, or did she in the past? Was that very important to her?

She still thinks she is Miss Pretty. She colors her hair, wants to wear bright colors, shirts with deep neckline to show cleavage and claims all the younger men (we’re talking age 50 and up) have the hots for her. It is really quite disgusting! She has always been like this, every other man wants her and she is the most beautiful person around.

Mati: Bright colors and showing cleavage is also a great way to get attention.

What about open air, does she need fresh air/windows open, worse closed rooms?

She tells me she likes open air/fresh air.

Any issues with choking, trouble swallowing, dislike of anything that constricts the throat like turtlenecks or buttoned collars, waking with a feeling of suffocation?

She told me that she has a lot of issues with swallowing and choking. Also quite often with breathing and that she does feel suffocated. She does feel very uncomfortable with turtlenecks and buttoned collars.

How did your mother and father get along?

She accused him of loving his brothers and sisters more than her and got mad when he would go to his friend’s house for a cup of tea sometimes in the evening. He would only go for an hour maybe twice a month to three houses down from our house but that was too much!

Father was an intellectual kinda guy, a navy commander, well built and not fat at all. Even though he has been dead for 8 years, she still bad mouths him.

Mati: Again, she is worried that someone else is getting more attention than she is! When dealing with core issues, we can see how they go through the whole case, like a red thread, and that everything else is connected to this issue in some way.

In what way does she bad mouth your father?

She claims he did not take her out and did not want her to go out and socialize. Of course nobody wanted to do anything with her in the town as any conversation turned into random bad mouthing of some random person! She once told me she just felt like saying bad things about my best friend; I asked why and she had no reason whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!

What would she say that was bad about your father?

Like he gave all his money to his brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews etc. Of course that is why she had a paid-off house and substantial savings to live off of. He had everything in a joint account with her so when he died she did not go through any financial hardships.

But he was an honorable man, he took the ‘until death do us part’ seriously. He told me several times if he divorced her, where would she go? Who would wanna take responsibility for her? And that it was his responsibility to look after her.

How did she react to his death or illness?

She initially blamed him for his bad health (he was 82 and was very active). She didn’t cry and wasn’t too impacted by his death. However, a couple of months later it hit her. She would go to his grave with flowers and say prayers for him. I found this out from my friends who were around so I guess she had some remorse for few months. But not enough to prevent her from bad mouthing him.

Mati: I think what we are dealing with here is Tarentula. The core issue in Tarentula has to do with unrequited love. The core story is a person who is in love with someone and trying to get his attention. Because he isn’t interested, he doesn’t respond, and she has to do all kinds of things as she gets more and more desperate. She may wear bright colors, talk fast and loud, turn the music up, laugh and dance, and so on. If it still doesn’t work, and the person still ignores her, she might get furious, curse and swear, and slander him. She may complain and get very negative, and people will want to get away from her. She still believes that if she can just get his attention, he will eventually become interested in her, so getting attention becomes almost an obsession, and her whole life starts revolving around getting attention. What do you think, Elaine?

Huh? Did somebody say something?

Can I add something here? She did not like the plate of food Marge made for her last time (back on Aug 2). Of course she expected Marge to make a plate of food for her and serve her while she was watching TV. That night Marge just left her a sandwich and some fruit. She called Marge into the living room and started yelling at her. “You want to starve me? You treat me very badly, I will cook my own food, I want nothing to do with you, who do you think you are? How dare you treat me like this, there is no food in this house to eat or cook!” When I got to the kitchen I saw chicken with stir fry vegetables on the burner, and boiled rice in addition to the food Marge had left her. When I pointed that out to her she yelled, “Why are you taking her side, you should put her in place, Marge treats me very badly, she told me I’m not allowed to take a walk outside, and she tells people bad things about me, what kinda of son are you?”

See, here’s the problem; she needs to enroll in the Ida Morganstern School of Jewish Mothering, where she will learn the proper way of handling these delicate situations, as in the following: “Oh, don’t worry about me, I really don’t need to eat, this little sandwich will do just fine, please don’t make a fuss over me, I’ll just leave the number of my doctor here on the table in case anyone ever needs to call it…. If I’m dead in the morning, my will is in the shoe box under my bed, I’ve left all my money to you….” See? This method of controlling the family is much more effective!

The kids were so scared when they heard their grandmother yelling, they all ran to my bedroom.

But her way works too….

They slept there that night. She then continued the next day, “I know Marge goes through my things and monitors what I do, and your daughter constantly watches for incoming calls for me!!” I replied, “But you don’t have any incoming calls and your grand-daughter uses that phone to call her friends, also Marge is out all day and comes home around 6:00 in the evening, how can she go through your stuff? You’re here all day aren’t you?” She got upset and replied, “You’re accusing me? I pray that your daughter dies and you have to bury her!” I got up and left. Since then Marge hasn’t talked to her and she hasn’t apologized either, but then again, she never apologized for anything.

If you need more info Elaine, let me know, I got plenty of stories to ruin your day.

Great, I’ll get back to you!

About closed spaces which you asked me about, I talked to her last night and she (mom) reminded me that she has gone in elevators with me several times, in hospitals and malls, some of these are pretty crowded and dimly lit but she was fine. I asked her about small rooms with a lot of people and she is fine with that too.

I don’t think Lachesis would be fine with that, they worry about lack of air and suffocation.

You know, regarding the accusations about going through her mail, etc., often, what a person does herself, she attributes to others. When she says “You go through my things” she means, “I go through people’s things–that’s why I assume you’re going through mine.”

I absolutely agree, and you’re not the first one who has told me about this. She herself complained that Marge was talking on the phone outside where my mom could not hear her. She always wants to know what everybody is doing and every single day inspects the mail. She doesn’t open the mail now after I had a few words with her about it.
She was also expecting for everything to be normal the next day like nothing happened!!!!! But Marge had enough with her and now this the NO TALK zone for the past month…..

It’s a veritable remake of The Brady Bunch! But Mati, what about Platina? “Delusion: Queen, thinks she’s a…”

Yes, I thought of Platina, too. But, does she really have the delusion that she is a queen, or is that our perception of what she is like?
I think Platina has more sexual distortion than Tarentula. Also, from a core issue point, all her behavior patterns fit the tarentula core situation.

These are the rubrics I used:
1) Mind/cruelty
2) Mind/deceitful (this rubric is essential, since she keeps lying about everything)
3) Mind/music amel (I would have preferred music, desires, but couldn’t find that in my rep)
4) Mind/sexual behavior/lascivious, lustful (sex is definitely on her mind)
5) Mind/colors/reaction to/charmed by/blue/green/red/yellow/black (this is the best I could find for bright colored clothes)
6) Mind/speech/abrupt
Platina goes through 2 rubrics, followed by anac, bell, lach and nux, but only Tarentula goes through all the rubrics.

And of course Tarentula covers the hurriedness and violence.

Lachesis is another possibility, but Lachesis is more competitive with others. As I understand this case, she is not competing with others for attention, she simply has to have it all the time even if nobody else is stealing the show. The other thing that differentiates Lachesis from this case, is that Lachesis likes to be up all night. They work better at night. Tarentula doesn’t like being sleepless. So, I’m not leaning towards Lachesis.

The final nail in the proverbial coffin is “cunning and fox-like”. I always noticed she was pretty sharp at learning new things or exploiting issues that might work to her advantage. Too bad she wouldn’t use her cunning for something positive. I’ll order Tarentula hispanica 30c today.

After the dose:

Even though she didn’t sleep, so she said, she claims she had good energy in the morning and felt active.
Her hands and feet were not cold anymore, they warmed up within 4 hours.
Lack of sleep did not cause nausea or headache.
Her knee pain and back pain were reduced.
She felt hungry.
Irritability is gone now.
Her nose didn’t dry up (which she constantly complains about).
No problems breathing, as she put it she could “breathe smoothly”.

She is still interrupting me when I talk.
She still talks loud.

Hi Elaine,
Her Potency is 30C, and she is taking it once a day in the morning. She wants to take it twice a day, she claims her knees still hurt. I think she is making progress slowly but surely. She is definitely more active, she regularly wants to cook in the evening and go out on the weekends for shopping etc. and I realize five days are not enough to change her but she thinks she will be young and beautiful in two weeks. I guess at this point my concern is, should I allow her to up the dose to twice a day or make her stay at once a day?

Joe

Joe, it’s more of a judgement call on your part. If you think she’s making progress, keep it at once a day. If you think the case is moving too slowly or relapsing, go to twice a day. Needless to say, you’re giving it in water with succussions before each dose, right?

10/7/08

I’m sooooooooooooo sorry for being delinquent. You know this is not typical of me, but I changed jobs and had a lot of running around and paperwork to do.
As far as mom is concerned, she increased her dosage to twice a day but complained that her “rash” was coming back. So, we made it twice every other day since she still complains about knee pain. But she has been doing pretty good so far and I see progress.

She has stopped complaining about breathing problems and claims they just “disappeared”.

Yeah, I know, it’s never homeopathy!

She is not sure if the knee pain is weather related or not but she still has it, although she can walk just fine, plus she’s more active in the kitchen and around the house.
Behavior-wise she is pretty laid-back, I like that, and no emotional outbursts at all!

It’s so quiet in here…..

A little bit of whining here and there but that’s pretty much it.
She also is more tolerant of the motley crew around here and is interacting with them more.

Wow! Interacting? It’s amazing! At 77 a person finally becomes human! It just goes to show you, it ain’t over ’til it’s over!

email Follow-up report 10/15/08:

How is your mother?

She still complains about her knees and backache (she is overweight) but she is very active.

And this is unusual, right?

Yes her being active is unusual. She is cooking for my sons almost every day.

Is that new?

Yes that is something recent after tarentula. She is also socializing more with my daughter too.

How was she before?
she would do small talk as she saw fit; so, I’d say she is making progress.

_______________________

Discussion

You can tell by the extreme nature of the case that you’re not going to waste time looking for remedies like Calc-carb for desiring ice cream and sweets and being fat; nor Phosphorus for the thirst, nor any other average remedy like Pulsatilla, Lycopodium, or Sulphur.

When you see violence in a case, shamelessness, having no friends, feigning illness to get attention and being delusional on a grand scale, you can be sure you’re looking at a remedy that’s way off the beaten path, something really odd, something quite bizarre! So, I started thinking about insects and snakes! The restless hands (knitting) was a big tip off for Tarentula. It wasn’t just that she knitted but knitted “fast”! Spiders are very busy, very restless, and of course, they kill! They kill even their own! As Mangialavori says, “With few exceptions, they are not social animals but cannibals who will kill each other.” (Bitten in the Soul, p. 43) The lack of a social sensibility was very noticable in Rosa. Remember this?

Well I can let them expect something in return and respect me while I give them nothing.

Wow. It’s just “me, me, me, it’s all about ME!” The “other” is missing from this equation, this mind-set.

Mati hit it right on the button when she said the whole case was about getting attention!

Mati Fuller

Mati H. Fuller, DIHom (Pract) was born and raised in Bergen, Norway and came to the United States in 1985. She lives and practices in Colorado and is author of "Beyond the Veil of Delusions, Understanding Relationships Through Homeopathy." matifuller@hotmail.com http://www.homeopathyonline.biz

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Author: Mati Fuller

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