Who remembers last month’s exciting quiz presented by Caralyn about her dad with the runny eyes? Here it is again for those of you who missed it: Elaine, isn’t that Pat Boone? Wasn’t he the milk-toast / white bread teenage idol from the ’50?s who made
Who remembers last month’s exciting quiz presented by Caralyn about her dad with the runny eyes? Here it is again for those of you who missed it:
Elaine, isn’t that Pat Boone? Wasn’t he the milk-toast / white bread teenage idol from the ’50?s who made a fool of himself trying to sing Little Richard’s and Fats Domino’s songs?
Yes, Kelly, that’s right.
Have you given up on James Brown?
Kelly, Homeopathy has given up on James Brown!
What?
I didn’t get a single request for more videos of The Godfather of Soul-except for this emotional letter from Shana:
Dear Mom,
More James Brown! Can I go to bed now?
Elaine, what could be causing Homeopathy to act this way?
“Dork’s Syndrome”, Kelly.
(Gasp!) You mean, “Dork’s Syndrome” has hit homeopathy?
So it would seem.
Say it isn’t so! What’s the remedy for this?
Pat Boone 30C!
What????
Yes! We call these remedies “imponderables”. Now, here’s all you have to do, you set a vial of alcohol in front of your stereo speaker and click here:
Ew! What is that?
It’s Pat Boone singing “Tutti Frutti”!
Oh my God, it’s awful!
Yes, Kelly, but it resonates with our rhythmically-challenged audience! Now, all we have to do, as soon as the song is over, is take this vial of Pat Boone mother tincture, and run it up to 30C. One dose of this should cure Homeopathy of this embarrassing disorder.
Who in their right mind would have bought this record?
People who didn’t know that these songs were actually done by Little Richard and Fats Domino.
How could they not know?
No one would play these songs until Alan Freed came along.
So, you’re saying a black artist would have a record out, and no one would hear it? They’d only hear Pat Boone’s version?
Exactly, and Alan Freed said, Enough of this, already, it’s ridiculous! He received a lot of flack because of this, he was a hunted and hounded man and he eventually comitted suicide.
Oh my God, that’s shocking. Elaine! I can’t take another minute of Pat Boone singing “Tutti Frutti”, I gotta get outta here! Aaaaaaah!!!!!
Kelly, wait! Your case……………………………………………….. ……..Kellyyyyyyyyyyyy……….rats!
I can’t believe this keeps happening! Luckily Caralyn is here; you all know Caralyn, don’t you? Remember, her father had gout?
Caralyn, do you have a case for us today? Please say you have a case for us today!
Elaine, you know me, I live in a crazy house! I have a son who sneezes, come to think of it my mother sneezes too….
God, this is interesting, but, do you have a case for us today?
No problem. Would you like to hear my father’s case?
I think all of us would be happy to hear from your father again.
Ahem! OK, here it goes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my case which I am calling simply, “Oh Dad!”
“Oh Dad, what is wrong with your eyes?” These were the first words out of my mouth when I first spotted my father as he came to our house to visit a few weeks ago. The question just rolled off my tongue when I saw him squinting as he kissed me hello. My father who rarely complains, as he prefers a state of perfect health, simply responded, “They have been itchy, burning and very watery for over a week now. When I’ve been getting up these past mornings I am shocked by how much water is running out of them, it’s unbelievable!” He continued to tell me that he is constantly rubbing his eyes and now he even has a bruised sensation under his eyes from constantly attacking them.
To start from the beginning my father, who lives in Florida, came up north to see us and soon after developed a run-of-the-mill cold. As the cold subsided he was left with this unusual problem of itchy, watery, burning eyes. This never before happened to him.
Instead of having compassion for my poor father, I was elated at the opportunity to try ___________! Elaine, our most favorite homeopath in the world, has touted the benefits of _________ and unfortunately, oops I mean fortunately, I have never had an opportunity to employ its use. But anyway, I skipped over to my drawer of homeopathic remedies and, VOILA, I found __________ 30c just waiting there for this unexpected moment!! As Elaine always recommends, I gave it diluted in water. I gave the remedy two separate times, a half an hour apart with succussions before each dose. My father is quite the chatterbox and while he was giving us the details of his week–he was visting on a Sunday–I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes, which were nothing but slits– were opening up wider and wider! Once I realized this I casually asked him after one hour how he felt and his answer was “….dum-de-da-da-dum…. You know what? I feel much better.” I did a victory dance inside my head. Unfortunately about 2 hours further along his symptoms started to return and he started once again with the rubbing. I repeated the 30c two more times before he went to bed–fortunately he was sleeping over–and again he felt better. The best news is that in the morning all that remained of his discomfort was the bruised feeling under his eyes from the incessant rubbing. That soon cleared up on its own and I have not heard a word about his eyes ever since.
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OK, everybody, it’s time to get to work! Who came up with the right answer? Nooshin sent in a very extensive commentary. Take it away, Nooshin!
Hi dear dear Elaine !
Once again thrilled by the scope and depth of your language and wisdom. You know, this multidimentional attitude toward any subject is what our world needs. You indirectly discuss human behavior, sociology even philosophy alongside homeopathy. This is wisdom; something more ennobling than knowledge. We face many knowlegeable people each day but few wise ones!
Pat Boone and the like are everywhere and racism exists not just between blacks and whites: even among whites. We live in different societies but in one world. I deeply appreciate you. And like Kelly I can’t take another minute of Pat Boone singing “Tutti Frutti”. This Dork’s syndrome is very widespread.
For the quiz, let’s highlight the key words:
“Oh Dad, what is wrong with your EYES?” These were the first words out of my mouth when I first spotted my father as he came to our house to visit a few weeks ago. The question just rolled off my tongue when I saw him SQUINTING as he kissed me hello. My father who rarely complains, as he prefers a state of perfect health, simply responded, “They have been ITCHY, BURNING AND VERY WATERY for over a week now. When I’VE BEEN GETTING UP THESE PAST MORNINGS I am shocked by HOW MUCH WATER IS RUNNING out of them, it’s unbelievable!” He continued to tell me that he is constantly rubbing his eyes and now he even has a BRUISED sensation under his eyes from constantly attacking them.
To start from the beginning my father, who lives in Florida, came up north to see us and soon after developed a run-of-the-mill COLD. As the cold subsided he was left with this unusual problem of ITCHY, WATERY, BURNING eyes. This never before happened to him.
Instead of having compassion for my poor father, I was elated at the opportunity to try ___________! Elaine, our most favorite homeopath in the world, has touted the benefits of _________ and unfortunately, oops I mean fortunately, I have never had an opportunity to employ its use. But anyway, I skipped over to my drawer of homeopathic remedies and, VOILA, I found __________ 30c just waiting there for this unexpected moment!! As Elaine always recommends, I gave it diluted in water. I gave the remedy two separate times, a half an hour apart with succussions before each dose. My father is quite the chatterbox and while he was giving us the details of his week–he was visting on a Sunday–I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes, which were nothing but SLITS– were OPENING UP WIDER and wider! Once I realized this I casually asked him after one hour how he felt and his answer was “….dum-de-da-da-dum…. You know what? I feel much better.” I did a victory dance inside my head. Unfortunately about 2 hours further along his symptoms started to return and he started once again with the RUBBING. I repeated the 30c two more times before he went to bed–fortunately he was sleeping over–and again he felt better. The best news is that in the morning all that remained of his discomfort was the bruised feeling under his eyes from the INCESSANT RUBBING. That soon cleared up on its own and I have not heard a word about his eyes ever since!
This should be Euphrasia , the famous eye remedy, with its typical lachrymation, squinting and wiping.
With best wishes,
Nooshin Azadi
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Thanks Nooshin! Now, if only you had been right, I could go home now! Don’t feel bad, just about everyone picked Euphrasia–which, of course, is Eyebright! But here’s the problem: What’s the most striking thing about this case? It’s the amount of watery discharge–as you pointed out, “Very Watery”! Caralyn’s father even says, “It’s unbelievable!” What remedy has discharges like water running from a faucet? The rubric is, “Eyes: lachrymation, profuse”. There’s only three remedies and two of them no one has in their first aid kit and one of them I’ve never even heard of, so that basically leaves the one that’s left: ALLIUM CEPA!
Now, I know what you’re thinking, what about the itching/burning part of the complaint? Well, “Eyes: itching”, Allium cepa is a 2; and “Eyes: burning”, Allium cepa is a 3. Yes, I know, they all say that the eye discharge in Allium is bland, BUT, maybe it WAS bland! Maybe it was the eyes or the eyelids that were burning, not the discharge per se; oh, and here’s an interesting rubric, “Eyes: burning, rub, must”–Allium cepa (3). There’s only three remedies in that rubric! Pulsatilla’s one of them, but we would expect a Pulsatilla discharge to be thick and creamy, not watery.
We can’t make much of the eyes being slits because if you’re going to rub your eyes so much that they hurt, it’s only natural that you’re going to cause swelling, making your eyes look like slits. Likewise, the bruised sensation is a meaningless symptom since the non-stop rubbing is what’s causing it.
So, we’ve got key rubrics in this case that Euphrasia just isn’t in.
As far as what our winners had to say, an “Eric Cartman” from England writes:
I didn’t dare look at Pat Boone…
Tutti Frutti works for me every time!
For Clyde Frog I would probably try Allium cepa or a kick in the [censored].
Your friend,
Eric Cartman
Thank you, “Eric”, for that insane letter.
Other winners were: Elisabeth F., Anna Cockell and A. Rahman Tahir. Dr. B, tell the Fab Four what they’ve won!
By the way, do you know what Little Richard is doing now? He’s an interpreter for George Bush! Yes, it’s true! click here:
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This month’s winners will get a special 30% discount on one order of books from Hpathy Mall. Click Here for Prize Guidelines
Elaine Lewis, DHom, CHom takes online cases. Visit her website at: hpathy.com/office/ElaineLewis.asp
Elaine Lewis
