Vignette on Cancer, “Oh, they were so nice, everybody loved them!”

Reprinted courtesy Allyson McQuinn from: https://arcanum.ca/

When a woman I’m treating tells me that she’s concerned about appearing selfish if she practices self-care, I think of the 2 inch tumor I once had in my left breast. My modus operandi was that as long as I maintained the outer form of expectation, I could avoid my deeper emotions and escape clean this thing called life.

Back, those 25 years ago, I never took care of myself. I was a newlywed mother who cooked, worked in a government office, cleaned my home and made something different every single night (with no exception). I was overweight, sad, and suffering chronic fatigue, psoriasis, chronic pain all through my body and then came the tumor. The volume of my symptoms were incrementally going up.

Cancer is defined as the disease of resignation, feelings of the unlived life and rescuing others to the exclusion of oneself. You know what folks will say about someone who’s passed away from Cancer? “Oh, they were so nice, everybody loved them!” and “They’d do absolutely anything for anyone, even take their shirt right off their back and give it you you!” They’re absolutely selfless folk. The tumor is an emblem of a misplaced self.

Now, I’m not saying that becoming whole doesn’t mean that you’re void of acts of kindness for others. I’m saying that you don’t enact this gesture to the exclusion of your own self-hood and ecology. Your full cup can runneth over only after it is first full. Gestures of self-care will extend to others on a case by case basis. Try asking yourself first, “Can I do this out of love?” or “Is my own cup full and do I have the bandwidth to extend myself and live the consequences?” or “Are folks taking more from me than I’m prepared to give right now?”