This is why we can never just pick simple rubrics and look them up in the repertory; for the rubrics to be meaningful, we also have to understand where the person is coming from. Is someone is stalking because they feel left out and they want to see what is happening, or are they waiting for an opportunity to hurt the person they are watching? This is what you have to find out. The fact that they stalk or spy is not of much use unless you know why; once you know what is behind the stalking and snooping, you won’t mix up the two remedies.

Which remedy type does Staphysagria feel most comfortable with? Which ones will he stay away from?
So far, I have seen Staphysagria with Arsenicum, Natrum, Medorrhinum, Carcinosin and Pulsatilla. I also saw a Staphysagria go after a Phosphorus once, and she insulted him for even thinking that he was good enough for her!

The combination of Arsenicum and Staphysagria creates some very definite problems: Arsenicum likes to boss Staphysagria around, and often criticizes or insults him whenever he doesn’t do things right. She will basically play the same role as his mother, so eventually, Staphysagria will threaten to leave the relationship. This will trigger Arsenicum’s insecurity and feeling of not being loved. Staphysagria often becomes emotionally evasive and avoids Arsenicum when she wants to talk to him, and this always pushes Arsenicum’s buttons. The more she criticizes him, the more irresponsible he becomes, and eventually, Arsenicum will insult him to get him to shape up, and this is usually the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Staphysagria and Natrum is just as explosive a combination, since Staphysagria has mother issues and Natrum has father issues. Natrum’s father was emotionally unavailable, and may have been a Staphysagria himself, so no matter how much Natrum tries to do her best and make the relationship work, he doesn’t even notice her efforts. This, of course, leads to hurt feelings, tears and eventually rage in Natrum. And, because Natrum is trying so hard to make things work, and Staphysagria doesn’t seem to be trying very much at all, she will also end up insulting him for being useless. This hurts Staphysagria’s feelings, and they will end up having some nasty fights and if the tension gets too much, he will most likely leave the relationship.

Medorrhinum likes it if someone else is in charge, so she puts Staphysagria in charge, and he feels honored, of course. But, true to his old patterns, he doesn’t do a good job, and when Medorrhinum realizes that what he is doing isn’t good enough, she’ll push him aside and take charge instead. To Staphysagria, this is a complete insult, and he’ll get downright nasty as a result and, down the hill it goes….

Since Staphysagria always feels unfortunate, and Carcinosin always identifies with the underdog, the attraction is irresistible! Finally, someone Carcinosin can save! (And, Staphysagria loves being saved!) She can sort out his financial troubles, pay his bills, get him some new clothes, may be even find him a job. But, is he grateful? No. And Carcinosin needs appreciation for all her efforts. She’ll get tired of continuously saving him, so after a while, she’ll build up resentment and start nagging him and bossing him around. And, again, it goes downhill from there….

I think the combination of Staphysagria and Pulsatilla is probably the best one because Pulsatilla is so sweet and gentle that she actually brings out a different side of Staphysagria. She needs to be taken care of, and when someone needs taking care of, Staphysagria can actually turn into a “knight in shining armor.” He will really make an effort to take care of her, even if it means that he has to be responsible, so this can actually bring out his best side! Pulsatilla hates confrontation just as much as he does. She may even look up to him and will rarely insult him, so this combination can actually work. The only problem I can think of is that Pulsatilla may not get as much affection as she would like, but she still won’t even think of leaving. So, Staphysagria should probably stick to Pulsatillas.

Mati, let me ask about a relationship a family member of mine had–the same family member I spoke about in the Phosphorus article. This family member had a boyfriend whom I believe was Staphysagria. He was raised by two women–you mentioned that Staphysagria has an issue with women growing up– nagging him, judging him and criticizing him. He seems to fit very well with your Staphysagria description: He believed he was absolutely great! He once said, “All my friends are Nobel laureates!” He had achieved absolutely no notoriety in life–no job, no profession, etc. (he was doing “work” for a guru), kind of living off his two aunts’ largess. Under his influence, my family member was being cut off from her friends and family and gaining weight to the point of unrecognizability–it was as though, if she could be made unattractive, no one would steal her away from him.

A Staphysagria may sit down and tell you what an extraordinary talent he has, and that anyone who gets to work with him should feel honored. It is basically bragging without any modesty whatsoever. And a few sentences later, they talk about how so and so made them feel completely humiliated. This is the key – bragging one minute, and then revealing how worthless they feel, the next.
The part where he was happy about her being unattractive so nobody else would take her away, his lack of achievement, living off of his two aunts, could definitely fit Staphysagria. I met a Staphysagria once who told me that he used to be a gigolo and lived off of older, rich bored women who paid for everything as long as he pleased them sexually! So, he started hating sex – No wonder! It was probably just like making love to his mother!

Mati, let’s just sum up. The side of staphysagria we’ve come to know is the victim side: The rape victim, the child abuse victim, the victim of spousal abuse, the poor innocent little thing who draws our sympathy….

I call this the “puppy-dog” syndrome. Staphysagrias are experts at getting people to feel sorry for them! They look at them with big puppy-dog eyes and tell their very sad tale, and people immediately take their side. A friend of mine used to do craftshows with her Staphysagria husband. Because he always had this hungry puppy-dog look, all the crafts people in the neighboring booths started bringing him food! And, this happened at every show! How he did it, I don’t know, but this is a very special talent that Staphysagrias have. The judge that I mentioned earlier also fell for Staphysagria’s sad and miserable tale, and chose to give the son to him, even though she knew he was lying about things. But he was very convincing, and that is where Staphysagria has his great advantage.

The poor victim in childhood grows up, and then makes everyone else’s life miserable! Now he’s the bully! Now he’s looking for a victim, someone he can be better than and control and keep from living her own life.

He has to think he’s great to keep from remembering how inconsequential he’s been told he is! But he can’t actually WORK at being great because deep down he believes that he’s a failure, or that he will fail! Why try if you “know” you’re going to fail?

So, the staphysagria child grows up and becomes a pain in the neck to his wives and girl friends, and naturally, he seeks out Pulsatilla types whom he can dominate!

Yes, someone they can dominate (Pulsatilla), or someone who can save them (Carcinosin–by creating order out of Staphysagria’s chaotic life) or Arsenicum (they’ve usually got money), or someone who is just as hurt as they are (Nat Mur — misery tends to attract misery).

Wait a minute, why Arsenicum? They’re big on wanting security and finances and Staphysagria usually has little to offer.

Simple! Arsenicum doesn’t mind paying for everything as long as it makes the partner dependent on her so he won’t be able to leave the relationship when Arsenicum starts criticizing! (And Staphysagria loves being financially dependent on someone!) Arsenicum always looks to create some kind of dependency in the relationship: either the partner is dependent on Arsenicum, or if the partner is too independent for comfort, Arsenicum will make herself dependent by getting sick, or having an emergency.

Think about it – Staphysagria already doesn’t feel good about himself and always attracts insults because he never does anything right, and Arsenicum loves playing the role of the insulter. Eventually, Staphysagria will feel that “enough is enough” and threaten to leave the relationship, which immediately triggers Arsenicum’s feeling of being unloved. It’s the perfect match! They will both push each other’s core buttons and both will have an opportunity to work through their own issues. So, this combination is either a recipe for unbelievable misery, or a great opportunity for spiritual growth. Which one they chose depends on how deep their understanding goes.

What about the staphysagria female? Does she grow up and dominate the relationship or does she remain the victim throughout?

Whether the female Staphysagria will stay a victim, or become controlling in her relationships, has to do with how feminine she is. If she is very feminine, she’ll just receive abuse and lack of respect and appreciation, and she’ll enjoy complaining about it to everyone she knows. Energetically speaking, men are more aggressive, so male Staphysagrias are likely to become more trouble to their mates than female Staphysagrias. Male energy is aggressive, dominating, ego oriented, and female energy is softer and more yielding. The thing they both have in common is that they are extremely sensitive to any kind of emotional pain or humiliation, and they both enjoy complaining or bragging about it. Women are more likely to complain about their misery, and the men are more likely to brag about their greatness. But these are just two sides of the same coin, so either of them can go from one side of the coin to the other. You can find Staphysagria men who complain, and you can also find female Staphysagrias who are bragging or becoming controlling in their relationships. Both those sides are part of the remedy picture, and which one will manifest has to do with the degree of misery they are experiencing, as well as how feminine or masculine they are.

Well, Mati, I have to say, you’ve done it again! You’ve shared a great deal of knowledge with us and you’ve stayed up past your bedtime! I think we owe you a debt of gratitude! I would encourage our readers to check out our other materia medica articles–”So You Think You Know Phosphorus!” (http://hpathy.com/materiamedica/fuller-phosphorus.asp)

and

“You Try Living With Arsenicum!” (http://hpathy.com/materiamedica/fuller-arsenicum.asp)

I’d invite everyone also to buy your book, Beyond the Veil of Delusions where you delve into the relationship problems specific remedies tend to have. For example, what happens when Nux vomica marries Pulsatilla? I’ve been meaning to ask you about that….

Maybe on our next visit. I’d like to reiterate my offer to homeopathic colleges: I’ll gladly send you a copy of my book for your review. Just send me an email.

And your book can be purchased at a number of locations, including www.homeopathic.com and, if people want the downloadable version, http://www.biggervisionbooks.com.

Thanks, Elaine, until next time….

Wait, Mati!

For what?

You haven’t heard the Staphysagria theme song!

Excuse me?

The Staphysagria theme song!

I wasn’t aware that Staphysagria had a theme song! I suppose I should have guessed. What is it?

“He’s Sure The Boy I Love” by The Crystals! Click on the picture:

___________________________________________________

Mati H. Fuller, DIHom (Pract)

matifuller@hotmail.com

http://www.homeopathyonline.biz

Elaine Lewis, DHom, CHom

hpathy.com/office/ElaineLewis.asp

www.theSilhouettes.org