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Kelly: The Godperson of Acute Cases

Well, Elaine, how was your Christmas of 2006?

It was a catastrophe, Kelly! I woke up to the news that the Godfather had died!

Oh my God! Vito Corleone is dead?

No, Kelly, not that Godfather, the Godfather of Soul! James Brown!

And that ruined your Christmas?

I cried and cried, and I remember doing a fair amount of cursing too! James Brown embodies the entire meaning of what life is!

He is? He does?

Kelly, he glides across the stage as if it were made of ice! They call him “The Hardest Working Man In Show Business” and if you ever saw him–as I did, at the Apollo Theater in 1965–you would know why!

My jaw dropped to the floor when he first walked out on stage–or maybe I gasped, I’m pretty sure I gasped–and the excitement never stopped; it was all about the unexpected–you never knew what he was going to do or what was going to happen next; for example, he would suddenly fall to the floor, catching the mike on his way down, which he would kick over, and then jerk back with the cord only after spinning completely around and then he’d land seamlessly on his knees with a rim shot on the drums and you’d be like, Whoa! What just happened here? In fact, he obviously had instructed the drummer to emphasize every sudden turn of the head or waive of the hand he would make. And then somehow, he’d get from one end of the stage to the other without touching the floor! I watched him in amazement.

There was apparently some famous concert in London in which Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones were set to close after James Brown and they catagorically refused to come out of their dressing room! “I’m not going to go out there and make a fool out of myself,” Mick Jagger said. “How do you expect us to follow James Brown?”

Well, I’ve always wanted to say this and now’s my chance: here he is, ladies and gentlemen, this is your lucky day, The Godfather of Soul, The Hardest Working Man in Show Business, Mr. ‘Please Please Please’ himself, Jaaaaaaaaaaaames Brooooooowwwwwn!

****

Elaine, you’re right, he is unbelievable–and gorgeous!

You can stop salivating now and present your case.

What? Are you nuts?

Huh?

Do you really think I’m going to go on after James Brown? Have you completely lost your mind? Do I look stupid to you? Do you think I’m going to go out there and make a complete fool out of myself? I don’t think so, in fact, I am soooo outta here!

Kelly, wait! Come back! You can be the Godperson of Acute Cases! Kelly? Well, great; that’s just great! OK, fine! I don’t need you! I know sick people too, you know! In fact, I know plenty of sick people! Let’s see….there’s the kid who ate butter….no, she’s still sick; how about…Oh! I know! Here’s a good one! OK, this is Caralyn’s son, “D”. You remember Caralyn, right? Remember her father had gout? Caralyn, you don’t have any problem going on after James Brown do you? Please don’t answer that, just go!

I’ll try Elaine, but I’m not promising anything! OK, “D” was having terrible obvious stomach bloating. He had stomach burning, throwing up, diarrhea, writhing and moaning in pain. When he went to the bathroom the smell was awful!!!

These stomach episodes would last a long time and come like in a series. We used to blame it on soda, vinegar (as we know D loves vinegar) or overindulging. However D is a good eater. We even took him to the emergency room once thinking he might have appendicitis!

His stomach has been sensitive for a long time. My mother insisted that I make an appointment with a gastroenterologist. I told her that you had given him a remedy _______ and if that didn’t work I would consider it, but D has been fine ever since! The electrical pains were another thing. They occurred alot in school and sometimes at home. I would dismiss the complaint as odd. I did not understand it and didn’t want to make an issue out of it in front of D. He was definitely getting them since the last 8 months to a year.

He was in so much pain from his stomach he would moan and wriggle on the floor. D has zero tolerance for pain, but I know that he was not faking it becasue of the intense vomiting. D also gets hiccups a lot.

This stomach pain has progressively gotten worse. When he was approximately 12 months old he would poop acid. I mean it. D would not eat food at that time. His favorite thing to have was orange juice. The only milk he had at that point in his life was from me nursing him.

Thanks Caralyn for bravely giving us this month’s quiz! If anyone knows what this remedy is, please write to me at [email protected] , the answer will be in the February ezine.

Now who wants to see the Godfather sing another song?