Mom, it’s time for the quiz.
But before that I have a death to announce…
…and other such important announcements. Comedian, Garry Shandling died last month at age 66. I don’t know what the cause of death was. I read he had some kind of medical emergency. Anyway, here is my favorite person’s tribute to Garry Shandling. (I’ll give you a hint. He has red hair and he’s Irish).
Don’t tell, don’t tell me… Mickey Rooney?
No, Mom. Conan O’Brien!
I was so close!
Its been awhile since we talked about Klaus Meine.
Mom!!! What better time to talk about Klaus Meine and the Scorpions?
Um…hold on…I’ll have to check my calendar… I think I can pencil you in on or about August 1, 2019.
Mom! I believe it was Maria who said that she liked our dialogues about the Scorpions.
I believe it was Maria who said, “Enough already about the Scorpions!”
No, I’m pretty sure it was you who said that! Anyway, on my birthday, which, as you might know, is April 22nd…
I would have to check my calendar….
…the Scorpions are releasing a tour edition of their album “Return to Forever” which has live footage from their current 50th Anniversary tour, interviews (which I imagine would be very interesting), and a documentary of some kind. You know how I love documentaries and interviews.
Is this going to cost me money?
They also had to cancel the rest of their German tour dates after they tried to do a show in Hamburg but had to cancel after 30 minutes because Klaus Meine wasn’t feeling well.
Well, that must have been quite a spectacle!
I believe he had some sort of viral infection.
Well, this is what happens when you don’t know homeopathy! Headline: Concert Cancelled! Singer Lacked Remedy Kit!
I will be praying for him and please don’t say “oy vey“!
Can I say Oy gevalt!?
I guess so. Wait! No! You can’t say that either! Finally, last month Elton John and James Taylor turned 69 and 68 respectively.
Can I say Oy vey now?
Yes, mom, you can say it now. I mean NO! No, you can’t say it!
Can I say “No one cares”?
Mom, if you can possibly be quiet for 2 seconds, did you know that Elton John (with lyricist Tim Rice) wrote the five original songs that appeared in “The Lion King”? Also did you know that on my birthday, tickets for the Paul McCartney concert go on sale?
What???? Paul McCartney???? Did you say Paul McCartney???? We have to go see Paul McCartney now??? Aaaaaaahh!!!!!! How much is this going to cost???
I don’t know yet, I just know I want to see a Beatle. I have one last announcement.
On April 6th, I went to see Bernie Sanders at Temple University.
Yay!!!! Finally, a real announcement! Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!
Mom!!! OK, enough already! The rally was held at Temple University’s Liacouras Center. The line to get in was YUGE! Also it was freezing, very bad standing-in-line weather. My old roommate, Messina, was also at the rally but we missed each other. Apparently she and her friend drove two hours just to hear Bernie Sanders speak. Can you believe that?!! I may not have been able to see too well since the seats we got were behind the stage. Still it was an awesome experience. Of course I’ve seen Bernie on tv before but I’ve never heard him speak in person. Also I’ve never been to a political rally before either.
Shana, have you forgotten the anti-war march we went on in Washington against the Iraq war? Remember? Joan Baez was there? So was Al Sharpton?
Well excuuuuse meeee for not remembering things! Do we possibly have a quiz this month?
As a matter of fact, we do! It’s the case of ….
Wait! Do you have a fictitious name?
How about Betsy?
Isn’t that Betsy Ross’ name?
Well, what about Paul McCartney?
Shana!!!! It’s a female!
Oh; so Paula!
Fine! So here is the case of Paula McCartney! Paula wrote to me complaining of painful breast problems, and here she is now:
In a message dated 4/15/2016 4:39:34 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, *****@gmail.com writes:
Can you take my case? My left breast is as hard as a rock. I took Merc last night, it helped…the Asterias doesn’t seem to be working anymore. It’s like a muscle pain…worse on movement, it’s warmer than the other breast…
I went to a drop-in clinic. The doctor is sending me to do an ultrasound and then to a specialist.
He noticed how much bigger left breast was and it is red (er) I feel it larger under my arm and much heavier than the other one. When I lean forward it also looks much bigger. I’ll fill out the questionnaire.
Describe the complaint:
Swelling of left breast started after a high fever, came on gradually…I also went for a run the day before this happened (don’t know if it’s related)
I’m not sure. Breast implants?
It feels like a lump on the side of the breast that is hot and hard; when I lift my arm it hurts more and the muscle aches as well as the shoulder, pain extends to the back on the left, my tonsils are swollen, but, I had a cold or flu preceding all this; so, it’s hard to know where one stops and the other begins.
I have bags under my eyes. The skin is red on the bottom of the breast all around it. The headache is now on the top of the head and sinus…
Location–where on the body is your complaint located?
breast, although there is pain at the back like a muscular pain and on the neck on the left side and shoulder. Breast feels so enlarged it touches the arm when I sit.
better warmth, company, music, dried dates, warm drinks, being still, darkness, not thinking about it…lying on that side makes it worse, actually being in bed is terrible because I sleep on my side; worse pressure, worse heat
headache in the front of the head, and top, face, sinus, although it feels “all over” the back too, pulsating, bloated stomach, ringing in ears (ongoing)
irritability, I want company but I don’t, the pain is in stings, then it subsides, I am pessimistic
What have you been saying?
I’m irritable, I have an ear ache, my head hurts, I hate my breasts, I’m embarrassed, I’m angry, I’m blaming others…
What are you doing?
Right now I am sitting under the covers giving orders to the kids to do stuff…I didn’t eat much today only a banana and some dates…
Describe your thirst and appetite–
I was very thirsty this morning for cold drinks but had lemon water and it subsided, now I would like grapefruit juice
this morning I was sweating, now it stopped, I have like a sniffle, I have occassional bouts of dry cough and feel like choking, my eyes start watering and when I eat it feels like phlegm comes up.
sweating is acrid
What is most striking, peculiar or identifying about your condition?
It hurts as a muscle pain cause it is on the shoulder as well, the implants are located underneath the muscle
Is there a diagnosis?
could be that the silicone is leaking…I don’t know.
Describe your energy–
depressed, anxious, nervous (woke up screaming) fearful, scared
What does your tongue look like? (color/coating/pattern, crack/s, shape, etc.)
Tongue is pink now but it’s white in the morning.
If you have a cough, please tell what it sounds like
Cough is dry but there is nothing coming up
If you haven’t already said if you’re hotter or colder than usual, or if there’s an issue with your body temperature, like hot feet or cold feet, cold hands, shivering, etc., say it now.
Warmer than usual
Here is Paula’s update.
In a message dated 4/16/2016 4:29:32 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, *****@gmail.com writes:
I took the ______________________ 200c…feeling calm… I took it last night and I took it this morning. The hardness is subsiding but best of all is the mentals.
Well, folks, you know that that’s what we want to hear after a remedy is given, right? That the mentals are improved? That’s gold to us! It means the remedy is correct and that all will be well! The mentals change first, it’s just the opposite of allopathy which makes the local complaint “better” (if you’re lucky) but the mentals and emotionals go all out-of-whack!
Mom, Elton John is here to play us out.
He is? Will he be playing the Thom Bell song I like?
I don’t think so, Mom, it’s 8 minutes long! And P.S., no one knows who Thom Bell is–except for Peter Dunseith from Wales and where is Peter, anyway?
Good question, Shana!
I already picked this song out, so, if you don’t mind….
But I’m sick of it!
I thought you were sick of “Tiny Dancer”!?
I’m sick of that too!
Gee Mom, you’re gonna be no fun if and when Elton John ever comes to Philadelphia!
That’s an understatement!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here to play us out is Elton John with “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues”, live from Rio De Janerio in 1995. Bye, see you in May!
Elaine Lewis, D.Hom., C.Hom.
Elaine takes online cases! Write to her at [email protected]
Visit her website: elaineLewis.hpathy.com