“A beautiful bird that wants to talk and fly and be free, but instead is made to sit quietly in a prison where it can be admired for its beauty”.
This patient (HG) had been seeing me on and off for a number of years. She complained of chronically relapsing into exhaustion.
She had received, with partial improvement, remedies such as:
Phos, Carc, Sepia, Valer, Pic-ac, Venus
But ultimately her main life story, her issue with relationships, never changed. When she returned this time, I was better armed with the new Sensation method and materia medica.
What is the problem today?
The anger. My partner has learned certain words, he might say “I hate you doing that”. I see hate as such a strong word (HG makes a claw). So, I get really….my anger goes to the point where I do nothing, I go totally opposite …I throw it back in his face…I go, the total opposite.
I am one to write lists, and he will mention it, I take it personally, and I will do the opposite. I can’t look at him. Why are you having a go at me?
How did you feel after that last remedy?(Venus)
I felt calm, clearer, my emotions felt very calm
Describe it, this anger
I get this (HG hand cutting down from forehead). I want to punch him, but never carry through. Right at that moment, the words in my breath are, “You don’t appreciate anything I do”.I don’t know why you hang around. Just go home and leave. I just sit patiently, it comes out. He just says what he wants, it comes out (HG going outwards)
I hold on to it (HG hands coming back to body), harbor it. It is like this real control thing. He says I always like to have control, I like to organize things. I try and put myself in his shoes a lot of times. I would use words in a nicer way. It puts me on the back foot when he says he hates things. He says he hates it when I take photos, then I won’t take any photos at all. I go to the opposite (HG hand going from one side to the other).
What is the feeling when you do the opposite of what you want?
I have nothing to do. A list would keep me occupied. Making sure I finish things. I feel I have become lazy. Nothing to do, bored.
Open space of nothing, absolute nothing. I don’t want to speak to anyone.
If my phone rings I will ignore it. I don’t want to tell people I don’t feel good.
I would rather wait until I feel good, until I talk. I want to look back and laugh
I don’t feel good about myself. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to think about doing anything.
Opposite of bored
I will tell you what happened the other day, I got to the point where I got in the car and drove off, to a shopping centre, did nothing. I don’t want to sit around being bored, so I took a sleeping tablet to fall asleep. Then there is nothing. I didn’t want to lay there thinking about things.
Just the opposite of bored
I am alive. Doing things. Going for a run. Going for a coffee. Doing things by myself. I have something to live for. Feeling good about myself
Keep describing this experience
Like what I have got to give someone. I feel excited. Something to live for.
I can think more, do more things. Little things mean a lot.
First image that comes to mind, alive and exciting
I feel like I have lost a lot of that. I am frowning Unhappy
It has taken me to a deeper place. Over the years I haven’t expressed much emotion. Been very even keeled (hands balancing) I don’t like going that deep.I never want to go down there.
Describe that dark place, deep
Very dark, unhappy, lonely. Dark lonely place. I can clear my head if I go for a run, for an hour, I come back much happier. It just goes through my head, not getting so angry. I feel like I have cleared a lot of things without having to burden anyone. I go off on my own
Describe on your own?
I don’t have to talk, listen, get advice from anyone. I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t feel like I am complaining.
– In my thoughts, in the outcome of the situation.
Freedom in my choice, not have anyone sway me. Taking my own responsibility, for my actions. Freedom to choose whatever I want.
What would get in the way of this freedom?
I can be swayed by others, by their opinions. I feel obliged that I should follow that path. I just want to do my own thing.
Describe Free, completely free
Running along the beach. There is no end to it Running, no rocks in the way
The ocean and sand .The freedom There is no end Forever Happiness
I feel really light, able to achieve anything I want to. Although I don’t know what I want. I can focus on the small things. I want to do things that I want to. I want to have the journey, fun things along the way
I always feel very heavy around my hips and legs . As if a weight is dragging me down. The lightness, is the weight has been lifted. Weight is always pulling me down. Bouncing, lightness. Feels like
I have five legs (rolls hands).
Like a wheel turning Moving forward Heaviness
Horses legs, so heavy and big, that is how heavy I feel.
What image would describe the lightness?
Water and sand, the foam that rolls up, that seems to … into nothing
The froth- That to me, is that lightness, it can dissipate. Someone asked me what am I running from. I run from situations.
More fluent, can go faster (rolls fingers) Spokes in the wheel I just keep running, running, running.
I had a dream the other night. I had a blanket over me, my partner was
pulling the blanket and saying come to bed, I could not wake up, the blanket
was being pulled from me. I went (gasp) woke up, like my breath was being held (HG hands come together)
Dream where you are being held down. Coming out of anesthetic . You are in this altered state (hands together laying down) (lots of gestures now)
Describe the experience that comes with that gesture
Closed in – Trapped – Darkness – Bad place –Can’t get out
Can’t be free – Me going down – No escape
Dark room with no light – That is my being scared of the dark.
Trapped – Scared of the dark – No door – No light to turn on
How do you feel about going into a shell?(expression used in previous interview)
That is just me going off on my own.
What do you want to be free from?
People controlling me
I have always been around strong people
I like it, makes me stronger. Putting their ideas of how I should be doing things, of who I should be. It comes down to the men in my life, put their point across.They try and change me, to not become so independent. That male, I can take care of you, but I can take care of myself. They are afraid I will up and leave.
I feel like I am always being tested
Tested to see where my loyalties lie, if I am an honest person
Try to prove me wrong, dishonest, will I be loyal to them
Lots of tests, I feel I get tested quite a lot
They will give me a little (freedom) to do what I want
I am being as honest as I can, and then there is this jealousy
What I pull out of this interview are the following:
Repeated Claw-like gesture
Open space of nothing, space that goes on forever
Colours, Fireworks, Explosions
Being controlled and dominated by others
Most of these are clear Animal/Bird family expressions. I chose the bird I was most familiar with for issues of being dominated and controlled by others (this was however a mistake).
First prescription = Peregrine Falcon
I get so exhausted from the thinking that I do…. From outside elements
Things happening around me..I don’t express them so they exhaust me.
My life is so simple, so easy. My life with my husband is so challenging.
Culture, language, being brought up in two different countries..
Expressing yourself – I can express myself in English pretty well… In a situation recently with people who didn’t speak English, I couldn’t express myself properly, so sometimes I didn’t say anything. Many times my patience was tested. I would sit around a table will they spoke in another language, and not a word would come out of me.
I couldn’t express myself
Husband found it difficult to translate
He only told me selective things
Everyone said I was so quiet
I felt really helpless
I was nearly crying
Husband would ask if I was ok, I would say yes
I couldn’t say anything
No one got to know me
No one wanted to use English
Experience of not saying anything?
I would look out the window
I would just listen to the noise of them talking
I could pick up a couple of words
It just didn’t matter, whether I was at the table or not
I said to my husband, I can’t understand what is being said
Husband said I should have studied harder
What really stumped me, is that my husband who spoke the language fluently, he never helped me. He didn’t practice with me, didn’t speak to me in the language
Take, take, take.
What did that feel like?
I didn’t want to learn …It blocked me..He didn’t have the patience to teach me
I asked him to help me on many occasions….I couldn’t express that
He had no patience..I found it difficult
What did it feel like?
I felt very let down.. Not supported… Can I read out some letters I wrote?
I had to express myself to someone, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to
Husband turns it around..He was angry all the time…When someone starts yelling I (she pulls to one side).What have I done wrong?
My words were: Angry Putting me down Controlling I am an idiot
I don’t listen to him .. I don’t feel like he explains himself
Read out more of this letter you wrote?
“You make me feel guilty
Not capable of doing tasks
You speak to me like a teenager
You speak slowly to patronize me
That makes me feel like an idiot, like a little child
I am in the principal’s office, telling them what to do
Making them feel awful
Making them feel guilty”
What would the child feel in that situation?
Helpless Nothing to say Nowhere to turn You just have to sit there and take it Husband is always right Who would do this, to whom would it be done?
A prisoner A warden
The warden can…the prisoner can do something, the warden comes to discipline them. The warden can do whatever they want to them, belittle them, treat them like sh*t. Then they can lock the door on
them. That person can do nothing to retaliate, nothing they can do.
How does the prisoner feel?
Destroyed Upset Trapped They are locked in Left in one place
Can’t go anywhere Can’t talk to anyone Can’t explain
What is that feeling?
Give me more on helpless?
I like to be free
Their freedom is taken away from you
Self esteem has been knocked out of you.. Your confidence .. Someone has come along and stripped you of it/ The life that you learned along the way,
has been taken away.
For me then I want to go to sleep. Go into a hole, a dark place Sometimes
I have taken sleeping tablets to knock myself out.
Talk about trapped?
No freedom No independence No expressing yourself freely,
to other people
Around my husband I am another person, I am unhappy, I am very quite
I don’t express myself to him at all. Keep talking about trapped..
A bird trapped in a cage, in a beautiful street, everything is going by you
Like you are trying to say something and no-one hears you
Describe that bird
It would make a lot of noise, like talking
Very capable of going anywhere in the world
Cold, water, sun, mountains
What would be the experience of being out of the cage?
Stopping and starting
Doing what you want
Meeting other birds, connection, talking
Excitement, fun, living
It would be like a party
What would make it happy being with those other birds?
It could express itself
What would it be like, all those birds together?
The atmosphere makes you want to be there
It is happy
Not deep in your thought process
No high maintenance
What is happy for birds?
Seeing everyone get on
Seeing the birds talking
Seeing them talking amongst themselves
It is expression
That is why I feel like I am trapped, I haven’t expressed myself
I am a different person around my husband
He is not a happy person
about expressing yourself?
Body language Words Being able to be happy or sad, and no-one judge you
Being open and honest, and saying what you want to share.
Later on they might use that against you. Down the track they will use that instance against you, for doing the wrong thing
What have they used, what have they judged?
At my age, I should know better
He uses my age a lot for something
This is because I answer honestly, I am open, I don’t lie
I don’t live a life of deception
I don’t have anything to hide
I clam up
They use that against me
I don’t know if it is jealousy, of me being confident in myself. I have no regrets, or unhappiness, some people want to live my life but don’t know how to do it honestly. They don’t know how to be honest with me. I might talk to my husband with these gestures, like I am a little girl
Husband was happy when I was sitting there, not saying a word. He only translated enough…He couldmanipulate his other girlfriend, control her,
tell her what to do. A young pretty girl that didn’t say much. He didn’t want me to talk to his family about his life. His father puts everyone down, put me
down, constantly. Because I couldn’t speak fluently, he would always make my husband translate, didn’t want to speak to me. Husband got picked on a lot when he was a young boy.
What are you not expressing?
Happiness Emotions Find it extremely difficult to communicate. Me – Who I am… I feel like I am hiding Me being this excited person, with this energy, what I have got to give. I feel like I am holding it back
So now it is clear. Before, I could see the issue was Freedom, but all I had
pulled out of the case was Domination and Control. These are really just the
Animal themes in the case, more of which appear this time to confirm the Kingdom.
Now there is much more, and by pursuing her repeated phrases it became more obvious what kind of experience she was describing.
To determine what bird I need, it is important to find out what the patient’s
issue of freedom is in relation to. For this patient, it was ‘Expressing herself’,
expressing her individuality. She felt suppressed by those stronger than her,
more dominating than her, in terms of what she was allowed to say. It was
all about words.
She relates her case to a Bird, a Bird that is colourful, talkative, noisy, gathers
in large groups like a party, talking to each other. This was a very evocative
image. And she also relates to that bird put in a cage, wanting to talk but
not allowed to, or not listened to. A beautiful bird that wants to talk and
fly and be free, but instead is made to sit quietly in a prison where it can
be admired for its beauty.
This is the story of the Parrot family. It is interesting to see how often patients
express the dynamic between humans and the animal remedy they need. I see this very frequently. It is as if the human energy and the animal energy become embroiled in the same conflict inside the patient, as they do in the outside world. Man has a long history of trapping and keeping parrots as pets for their beauty and their ability to mimic or talk. Many species have been brought to the brink of extinction because of this fascination. The Scarlet McCaw is greatly desired by humans. Parrots generally are talkative and social and need a lot of out-of-cage time to thrive, interacting with their human owners.
In the proving of Aram-m (Scarlet Macaw) one of the very prominent themes was Freedom to express oneself, one’s individuality, and suppressing that need in order to fit in with the group, so as to not make waves, to not rock the
Patient reported a marked aggravation from this remedy, after which she improved dramatically and was able to approach her problems from a very different angle. She stood up for herself and made some hard but very positive decisions. She felt better about her life, more in control, and her energy all came back. She felt alive again. Her marriage became happier, the issues of domination and control vanished.
The conflicts were resolved and she felt able to express herself with complete
freedom. She did not relapse into exhaustion, which had been the main physical complaint, even when under the same stresses that had caused those relapses previously. Despite what appeared to be insurmountable differences in her marriage, she found a way to overcome them and no longer feels any of these sensations.