Female: 29 years old – Chief Complaint: Bulimia
From the Consultation Form:
– Allergic out breaks on the skin; neck, cheeks, stomach, chest and back.
– Huge blood filled acne on my face and neck; causes severe scarring.
– Severe anaemia that only improved to the degree of mild anaemia.
– Severe Iron deficiency that comes and goes.
– Always tired and lethargic, have no energy most of the day.
– Have trouble sleeping and trouble waking up.
– Have trouble concentrating and tend to daydream a lot.
– No consistency in anything; sleeping hours, feeding times, workouts.
– Weight is stuck.
– Food binging; I am always hungry and I can’t seem to feel full ever.
– Continuous vomiting – this is mainly what I need help with. In Ramadan 2014, I ate too quickly and fairly big amounts, which naturally caused me to vomit. Instead of avoiding quick eating, I developed an appreciation for this ability. I started to eat a lot, knowing that it would cause vomiting. This developed into a serious problem and now it is out of control. This week alone, I vomited 3/day. I don’t know how to control it.
– This might not be related, but I can’t stop biting my fingernails.
First Consultation – February 4, 2015 (edited for brevity):
Basically I don’t feel my body is able to function the way it used to. I can’t solve my anemia and iron deficiency. Weird allergies, usually food related, are very itchy, very uncomfortable. My chin, left side of my face and a bit by my nose puffed up like crocodile skin; very bumpy. Swelled red and when I touched it, it really hurt; worse in the sun. I’m short sighted. My body used to reject things. I’d vomit; literally vomit the food the way it comes in. Get rash; purple one; throat, tongue and face swell up. If I eat wheat my stomach bloats > hot water bottle. I tore ligaments in my right knee 3 times. Before period might get acne, full of blood, big and purple. I don’t like heat at all but I love the cold. Being under the sun can give me a headache and makes me lazy. I drink a lot of water, 4 litres/day. Chilly; my feet are always cold. In general I’m not a sweaty person.
As a child? Bossy, happy, likes to study a lot. Loves exams. Cries a lot and get sad a lot. Used to be a bully, bossy. I used to control my friends: “We’re going to do this, if we don’t do this you won’t play with us”. Fears? Wars … don’t like to run over a cat. I just like animals a lot. Travel. Charity work; every Saturday I go to an orphanage. Do more with animals; Animal Humane Centre…. In general I don’t lose my temper, but with people who think they’re helpless, or who complain a lot, or always victims, I might be a bit blunt. Love hiking backpacking, I like being on my own. I like the fact that I can disconnect completely. We have an abundance of everything. Resources are not appreciated at all and are wasted. On the mountain, you meet new people; there’s no electricity. Sometimes you have to sleep outside. It’s simple and nice, and it’s focused also. You know where you have to get in the end and your only focus is to get there. I love mountains, like the outdoors. The challenge; it’s not easy to climb or hike, but the view in the end it’s worth it, usually cold and it’s very quiet. I enjoy having an income of my own. Freedom & liberty that money gets you. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. No constraints. Amazing the outdoors; desert, mountain, exploring something new. I love skating; love the fact that it’s very cold. It’s like dancing and it’s fast. You can speed without the danger of being in a car. If there’s one thing I hate it’s driving. I like being on my feet. Maybe also it’s an individual sport. I like skiing; can speed. It’s liberating; same thing, focused. Others’ complaints about you? A bit selfish. Self-centered I don’t give enough time. Maybe uncaring. Your complaints about others? Clingy. Dependent. Opposite? Independent, self-sufficient. Dream that I fall; falling from a bunk bed or falling off a mountain, when hiking … love heights. I used to have a photographic memory. Forget names of stories, authors, not people in my life. I can’t concentrate; as though a cloud is over my head. Can’t start anything and finish it; drift and don’t stick to the point. I daydream a lot. Now so out of focus. My ideas and thoughts are vague. I love travelling. When I watch something that disgusts me I vomit; slaughtering of animals for example.
The issue seems to revolve around constraint versus freedom and liberty. There is an underlying sense of injustice when she says, ‘Probably the life we lead now. We have abundance of everything. Resources are not appreciated at all and are wasted.’ According to Dr. Will Taylor’s understanding of the miasms, the sympathetic nature and lack of concentration are indicative of the Tubercular Miasm. The themes of cruelty versus sympathy are evident. Victim and aggressor also point to an animal remedy in Sankaran’s schema. There is a fierce,
independent strength in this patient, and she is averse to the victim mentality of clingy and dependent people. In a sense, the disgust she feels with the state of the world makes her unable to digest the cruelty. On the somatic level, that translates as vomiting.
Falco-p is also listed under [mind; DISGUST (77), mind; VOMITING; amel. (12) & stomach; VOMITING; eating; after (172), skin; ERUPTIONS; painful (356) *, as well as stomach; APPETITE; ravenous, canine, excessive (409) *** & stomach; THIRST; large quantities, for (118) **].
Rx: Falco Peregrinus (Falco-p) 30c
Follow Up – March 24, 2015:
- Started to sleep very deeply and started to dream a lot.
- Never cried, which is a record. Stopped being so sad.
- I can focus better.
- Acne decreased but now it’s all coming back. Skin still scars a lot.
- I’ve done altitude before but this time I got ill; diarrhoea, vomiting.
- Tired all the time? Much better. Much, much better.
- Still get weird allergies.
- Vomiting: it wouldn’t come out easily, mostly digested
- My skin became very dry; this is new. Everything became very dry.
- My concentration is much better; stopped daydreaming.
- Vomiting? Actually now it’s more compulsive.
- Dreams? Snakes hanging out of walls, huge ones; black & yellow. The snakes are starved; one bites me because it’s starved.
- I don’t find I’m hungry all the time but I do eat a lot.
- Constrained? Limited, boxed, imprisoned. Opposite? Freedom.
- Biting nails? Much better.
- Thirst? Actually it’s much better.
Rx: Falco-p 200c
Follow Up – April 15, 2015:
- Very bad tempered for 5 days. Everything annoys me. I’m usually vey patient. I became very aggressive. Now feel I want to box. Before I could do yoga, walk, chill; now I can’t; that’s very new.
- Feel my skin is drier and crazy about salt.
- I came here with blinded vision; can’t think properly. Neurons in my brain were numb. With the first Rx, I didn’t feel this so much.
- In such a temper, like a fire inside, I can’t focus on anything.
- Sad stories about animals? Now a lot more immune, 90% better. Don’t break down. It doesn’t linger in my head.
- Suffocated, trapped, entrapment. If it was a free world, I’d backpack somewhere; can’t do that because my parents worry. The more time I spend at home, I fall victim to the capitalist world; feel constrained.
- I’m too angry to daydream.
- Overeat to vomit? Now much more aggressive. More than 3 times/day.
- Before, I was as if drugged; as if my neurons were not working well. After the Rx, became more conscious. Now better, so the realization that I should draw the line, or put an end to that, is faster than before.
Follow Up – May 31, 2015:
- It made me very on edge then calmed down. Now I think it has worn off.
- Vision improved a lot; being able to make decisions that aren’t influenced by others. To see clearly if this is something you want.
- I don’t think fast like before. I can’t keep a lot of things under control like I used to. I can’t separate vision; being able to assess situations properly and functioning of brain. Feel I need to shake it so it starts working. Even smaller tasks take me triple time to finish. Before the Rx, this was worse. Since the Rx? It improved a little.
- I don’t care about the opinions of others, but now if someone says something, I think more about it.
- There was excessive nail biting. After the first Rx I didn’t bite my nails.
- Very reluctant to go back on the Rx; lost my temper at the rain; I usually don’t mind it. Stopped like being outdoors so much. Became more sensitive; noise started bothering me; became very impatient. Sleeping pattern disturbed completely.
- External things don’t really sadden me as much; more detached; if someone cried, I used to help. Now I feel, it’s not my problem.
- Focus? Now, not good but not as bad as it was before.
- My hands stopped getting so cold like before.
- I have a big appetite but now I can’t control it; I eat a lot.
- Still feel very restricted but I know it’s all in my head; shackles.
- Daydream: Everest: I’d watch videos, gave me a purpose. Then I got to the point that all I did was daydream. If I want something, I have to see it for it to register. Then stopped dreaming. Like the channel was clogged. When I took the Rx started dreaming of the lists I want to do.
- Now shamelessly eat meat.
- Now, I don’t feel boxed in anymore but I feel locked in a room. Before I was locked in a can. Now I have room, space, but I can’t go out.
Rx: Falco-p 30c
Follow Up: August 24, 2015
- Now much better. I can process what’s bothering me.
- I can think clearly; not like before, very clouded.
- Before I took the Rxs I was completely blocked. Like an engine that does not operate. Then, like oiling the engine and the engine started working; shaking a lot. Obviously not producing anything because it had a lot of waste and a lot of dust. Zero productivity. Then when I took the Rxs; I became a complete wreck; aggressing everyone, angry at everything. I became very negative, pessimistic.
- After the Rxs I became very detached.
- I’m definitely better off than when we started. Now, at least I know what is bothering me, what I think went wrong. After my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I prioritized my parents and became a caregiver; prioritized everybody over my needs. That’s when things started to go dramatically wrong. I wanted to be the exact opposite of what I am, systematic; so I wanted to be completely chaotic. That was in Oct. 2012. I had a job, a routine. It suffocated me in the end. I’m always one of extremes.
- Vomiting 9 times/day. Best release in the world.
- My skin started to scar (acne). This obviously upset me.
- Everything is scaring me; that wasn’t there before.
- My body feels so old.
- Now there is perception; I have open eyes but I’m still not out of bed.
- I cancelled my trip because I’m not physically prepared; to a mountain in Russia, the highest in Europe.
- I’m straight to the point. I won’t sugar coat things
- Sad stories about animals? It enrages me but does not dominate my life as it used to. Before I liked a cause to fight for.
- There are still a lot of constraints and a lot of pressure from the family.
- How are you feeling in general? Much, much, much, better. I’m actually feeling very good. I need to fix myself but feel very good. More open to relationships than I was before.
- When I was at university my mum was very attached to me, so she became anorexic.
Falco-p has obviously helped but as she said, “I have open eyes but still not out of bed”. Moreover, the vomiting is much worse now.
I feel Haliae-lc (Bald Eagle) is more suitable , particularly in view of this Rx’s self-destructive tendency when it comes to food. She vomits to feel lightness. She loves the mountains and can’t stand cruelty to the extent that she is willing to fight a legal battle for this cause. Haliae-lc is the only Rx in the rubric: [mind; FIGHT, wants to; legal (1)]!! Being in the mountains, she can see things more clearly. Moreover, she likes to be alone. Other polarities that point to Haliae-lc include the focused, versus unfocused vision; structured versus chaotic and doing the opposite (from the Proving: “I feel like going the opposite way.”). The Px says: “I wanted to be the exact opposite of what I am, systematic; so I wanted to be completely chaotic.”
Finally, the concern for her mother as well as the disconnection from her parents, point to Haliae-lc. The theme of the mother emerges strongly in Jeremy Sherr’s proving, as does the legal theme (the Px is a lawyer). The theme of clinging that emerges in this case is also noteworthy. The mother became anorexic after the Px went to university. So the roles are switched (opposite again) [mind; CLINGING; take hand or part of mother, will always (14)]. But in this case, the mother is the one who clings. Finally, new symptoms emerged in this follow up including feeling old and feeling detached, both of which appear under Eagle [mind; DELUSIONS, imaginations; old; he is (26), and, mind; DETACHED (87)]. Haliae-lc also appears under [skin; ERUPTIONS; vesicles; blood blisters (67)]. It is interesting to compare Haliae-lc with Falco-p. The latter is very sensitive to the injustice in the world. Eagle, however, is more self-destructive.
I would prefer to give 12c but as I don’t have it at the moment, I’ll give 30c.
Rx: Haliaeetus leucocephalus (Haliae-lc) 30c
Follow Up – November 1, 2015:
- Much better than before. Much gentler. Before shaking, with this one, it’s mellow. Now I feel vulnerable and raw. Before I was very aggressive. If someone says something I would immediately attack. Now I might just turn a blind eye (Hand Gesture (HG) claws).
- I wouldn’t cry or wouldn’t want to cry. Now I do, but in a normal way.
- I just stopped vomiting. It was fantastic, doing yoga 3 times/day.
- Stopped taking responsibility for things I’m not responsible for.
- Not as clouded as before. I was very clouded, couldn’t think at all. After Rxs 90% cleared. The first couple of Rxs were very instant, very sharp. Now it’s more of a process. It’s good I think.
- I don’t get as bloated and I don’t get heartburn. Before I used to get a lot of heartburn and reflux.
- Don’t crave meat as much; mainly craves fruit, pomegranates (New Sx).
- Before, like oiling engines and shaking. Now they work but before they come up with anything productive, they stop.
- Substitute binge eating with cleaning, organizing.
- I used to think poisonous thoughts; negative body image.
- Now there is a very clear flow; no more pathologizing and dramatizing.
- Became very detached? Now no, detached but more sensible.
- Body feels so old? Still feels very old but obviously need to exercise.
- Straight to the point? I still do but it’s much gentler.
- Now I feel fantastic but feel vulnerable. Things still hunt me. Preschool brought rabbits; I wanted to tear their face; a lot of animals starve and eat each other. They don’t see sunlight for a month. I went everyday to feed them so they wouldn’t eat each other. I could have taken them to the vet but it was not my responsibility. They eventually died. Did that upset you? No, they’re not my responsibility. Different response for you? Definitely, before I’d have taken them, I would have found a way; now I think: why would I?
Rx: Halia-lc 30c
Follow Up – December 3, 2015:
- I’ve been the same more or less; no ups no downs in terms of Rx.
- A lot of things changed. Before, no stability; too happy or too sad. I still have long way to go; I’m more pragmatic.
- It’s a huge difference; when I eat, I can taste the food.
- My skin cleared a bit.
- My thinking, focus, energy was very stable. I was very cheerful.
- I did put on a bit of weight.
- Started to focus on things.
- Ten days ago started vomiting up to 3 times a day. Last 4-5 days trying not to, but vomiting once/day. I didn’t find it very difficult to stop.
- Before, I didn’t know what was happening to me. Now I’m very clear.
- Before things used to go by the dot. Over the years everything spun out of control. Became very unproductive and reoccurring relationship drama. Shattered dreams and ambitions; things wanted to get done but did not. What used to really bug me, and still does, is there’s no source to go to that’s trusted and unbiased. Everyone wants something. At the moment I feel someone can direct me when I lose my way. There are things that I have to work on; procrastination and indecisiveness.
Rx: Halia-lc 12 c (in water 3 times/week)
Follow Up – February 6, 2017:
- Everything is good. I’m much better. Never went back to how I was before the Rxs.
- Before Rxs: I would cry very quickly. Now: I cry sometimes but not a lot.
- Before numb; I would feel very detached. Before Rx I was like (HG: up & down) sharp and steep; I would react to everything. Impact was really deep; if sad get very sad if happy very happy…. Now, I do get affected if I’m upset, but I don’t get trapped in the feeling anymore.
- Became a bit mean to people; not as considerate as I used to be.
- I can trust myself better. Before if I knew a film was sad, or charity work, I wouldn’t be able to do it. Now I’m stronger. Before it was a complete disaster; I would get completely hung over whatever I see.
- Now I can focus; before felt my neurons wouldn’t function at all. After the Rx I feel there is a push to get them working; I feel a lot better. Able to focus on tasks better. Before the Rxs; I was unconscious.
- What would you love to do? All related to sustainable travel; benefit local communities as opposed to exploiting them. Cultural exchange program. Send people from this part of the world and work in orphanages, or do something productive. What the idea exactly is I still don’t know. What’s stopping you? I don’t have focus. Everybody I’m surrounded with has no vision at all; they’re not visionaries.
- I really think if I clear my room; feel our house is very untidy … need to clear everything basically.
- I still prioritize parents and siblings over myself.
- I love the mountains; life is very simple on the mountain. I like the altitude. Feel body benefits with the lack of oxygen as opposed to going to the Dead sea. I become very energetic. I like the challenge of getting somewhere, having structure and routine.
- Now if I argue with someone and I know it’s not going to get me anywhere, I know there’s no need to argue anymore. I try to see other people’s perspective.
- More conscious of what my body wants, but still have far to go. Anxious to get it over and done with because I’ve wasted so much time with that bulimia problem.
- Vomiting? Now I really don’t need to do it anymore. It’s much better Bulimia 35-40% better but with everything else it’s 80-75% better.
- Animal rights? Now I do get very sad, but after I watch something or write something I move on almost immediately. Horses have always been special; wild horses. Something about them that’s very graceful. I watch them for hours. They’re graceful they’re free.
- Sun? On hiking trail, there was 100% sun exposure. Don’t like its effect on my body. Wears me out very quickly. I enjoy the light. Enjoy sunrise and sunset.
- One more thing, I really like being with people. That changed a lot. Improvement is 100%; it’s a huge improvement.
- I really feel different. My energy is brighter and lighter. Before, I couldn’t pinpoint what I wanted. Now I know what I want. I have a clearer idea of what I’m supposed to be or where I’m supposed to be. The idea of ‘elsewhere’ doesn’t allure me so much.
From the Proving (Sherr, Jeremy, Dynamic Provings Volume One):
- Feeling old, really old.
- The feeling of this remedy is too much light or too little light.
- After I looked at the sun, I saw four suns in a ring connected to each other, and another one above with strings of light.
- My clarity and focus is much better. Not so many things distracting me. Life is much simpler, much clearer.
- Alert and intensely calm feeling. Feeling connected. Synchronicity.
- It is the structure that people who are bad within the structure fight the bad. The only way to do anything is to sit back and witness the set up, not be a part of the structure for either good or bad. People as individuals are pulling out of the game of good and bad. It’s a bad people’s game and you can’t win. Playing it just supports the game, even if you are one of the good people. Good people get co-opted into being just as bad as the bad people. What is right action?
- I feel if I could get things neat and organized the world would be perfect, but I can never get to that point, because there will be a flow. Trying to get things organized at home, which is like trying to get my eyes focused. Other times I just stared out the window,
- Tremulous heart center sensation. Feeling for people, puppies and just feel my heart.
- Pressure to tell people what I saw. Usually I don’t say anything. But with the pressure, I felt like I had to tell them.
- Feel somewhat critical of myself. Not getting anything done. Want to be in a structured, organized place and can’t get there. I’d like to be really busy. I have more ideas in my head than I can do. I need to get active again, structure things, and set goals.
- I allowed my mother to mother me for the first time. It was a wonderful visit. For the first time ever I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and allowed her to love me. I had never felt I was the child with her before. These thoughts were foreign to me.
- Pictures of the mountains make me homesick. Deeper than homesick. Feeling low, remembering the freedom of going to them. Missing mountains and the outdoors.
- Must pull myself back to focus to read. Focus is hazy and soft. Letters look jumbled, out of focus. Similar to my mind. Can’t focus and have no desire, no motivation or ambition to do it.
- I start something and get bored with it. I need three things going on at the same time and rotate from one to the other. Can’t stick to anything.
- Don’t feel I have any direction. Usually I have a direction though I might not know where it is going to lead. Now I feel lost, like I have no ground under me. I have no idea.
- Wanted to be left alone.
- Getting curt with people. Abrupt in conversation, cutting things off sooner.
- Foggy about dates. Meetings scheduled next month I thought were this month.
- I have always been very aware of my own emotional state and behavior. During the first few days of the proving I was not aware. It was unusual for me to be so removed from what’s going on.
- Feel self-destructive, like eating greasy fatty junk food, not exercising, slowly kill myself that way. Why care?
- Usually I enjoy my exercise; today it’s going against what my will wants to do. The exercise practice equals life and health. I feel like going the opposite way.
- I was anxious about so much rain.
- Looking for an escape.
- Boxed in feeling with no way to express anger. Start taking it out on the kids, as if they are trying to break me, to get me. Better getting out, going away from home and family.
- I have been really pissed off again since the proving ended…It’s an unusual amount of anger. An Everest of emotions.
- Spent most of today thinking about how I am surrounded by idiots, (my family), who are showing no attempts to think for themselves, letting me run the show. They don’t care to figure things out. I’m in hyper-drive. I know a lot and I’m right.
- I have been in new relationship for about five months. Got really angry with my partner. I wanted to shake her.
- I found there was great freedom in being real, instead of playing around in the romantic phase. She had difficulty in being grounded. I’m a very grounded person, difficult for me to be an airy fairy flighty kind of person.
- Explosive fight. Communication not good. I felt trapped.
I’m really happy with the progress. She’s 80% better overall and bulimia is about 40% better. She no longer needs to be on the mountains and now enjoys being with people. She still likes to fight for a cause but no longer ‘needs to’. She’s still in the Eagle state but on her way towards health. As her energy is better it’s worth pushing the potency up a bit.
Rx: Haliae-lc 30c