This is a case of a 50 year old lady who came to me on 29/12/2013 diagnosed with clinical depression. She was taking psychiatric medicines and consulting a counselor. Issues with her husband led to divorce and she went into depression. This is how her story unfolded.
PASSIVE CASE TAKING
Dr: Feel free, I just want to know you…say whatever you can
P: I don’t know from where to begin..!
Dr. Whatever comes up naturally to talk..! Just take your time.
P: I am separated from my husband more than 10 yrs ago, because of his behavior. He used to drink a lot and do many other bad things. Gradually I did not feel anything….that hurt started coming lower and lower. I have a daughter who is 14 years old now. I didn’t want to get divorced for various reasons. I did not want to get married again for the sake of my daughter. She is comfortable; she does not stay with me! She stays with him. They have a joined family although he does not take care of her. Her grandmother, two brothers are there who take care of her so that was not a problem for me.
He was a drunkard and he used to emotionally blackmail me. Many years he kept saying that our daughter is alone, not going to school etc. so you come back. That time I was working in Mumbai, so I took a transfer and came back to Pune for the sake of my daughter. I did not have any relationship with my husband at that time and besides that we used to stay in the same room. That time I realized that things have gone worse; he is lying and stealing money and my daughter was fine. She was already used to the fact that Mom is not around. Yes, emotionally any child will feel bad, but seeing us fight was even worse for her. She used to cry, she used to try and protect me. After that I left that house for good and never really went back. I used to go whenever I used to come to Pune. Only for her I used to go there. Well that’s about it, all that ended but that hurt was already gone out of my system by then. There was no hurt regarding him just anger. There was no sign of resentment, there was only anger.
In all these years when I was struggling practically for everything, my parents never thought of helping me. My mother remarried as I lost my father. She is in Mumbai. Although I was in Mumbai I never stayed there. I was outside, I shifted many houses. One day her husband told me we have a flat there in Iroli if you want you can stay there. That was a big help for me. I went there; I was staying in that house. That was the time when I came to know that my husband and my brother used to spend a lot of time together. My husband used to tell my brother a lot of nonsense about me, and my brother believed it. I used to think that my brother is supporting me but he was not. Even today he will be doing the same. I felt very cheated and I can’t trust anymore. Epecially men!
AS A CHILD
My father as well used to hit me a lot, he was a strict man. He never tried to understand me as a child and what I was trying to tell him. If I used to fail in any examination he used to say once a failure always a failure. Then it came to my husband, and then it came to my brother…then gradually friends also, so there is nothing that I can trust anymore.
Now I have been alone for many years, even if I have a very good friend I cant trust her like she will be there for me if I need her. Trust is completely gone, and then I feel lonely. I dance and all but I don’t like to do that every day.
My likings are different, I like to listen to music, sit by myself or maybe in a room, talk to people. I feel very lonely, when I feel I feel extremely lonely. I know that I have tried to commit suicide earlier and I get scared that I should not fall in that trap once again.
I have not been doing anything. People have plans ahead, like my friends if they are married they have plans ahead, they might be having a house, having kids…there is nothing of that sort in my life. I think nobody is bothered about me. Because when I got married that time they asked me to sign some papers and like a fool I went and signed the papers, it’s all trust…..I am feeling cheated now but they were my parents, I went and signed. I don’t have any house. I felt cheated again. What will happen later in life? Maybe my parents have already decided that we will give Sheetal this house. May be they have decided but I don’t know then how can I trust? I cant trust. Tomorrow again they will say sign on this paper. Can’t trust…!
Like if I am a motorcycle and I am travelling, I travel a lot alone, that time we might not even know where we are going but I trust myself that I will find a hotel somewhere. There is no point in sitting in my room and brooding and crying, there is no point in doing that but I happens! I am getting into that low tide and it lasts for 2-3 weeks, if I am talking to my mother also I start crying. I cannot express also now even if I have to talk about anything emotional I will tell may be 85% the rest 15% even if it is very important I cannot tell, I want to express I can’t express. May be that hurt locker is still locked.
Another thing what I have realized is when I become emotional I start shivering very badly. It gets very embarrassing. This also happens when I drink. I drink, but I don’t drink everyday Only when I am happy I can drink, but people feel no she has a problem in her life, so she drinks. But I don’t even drink every day. I try to tell people but opposite only happens. It is a cycle I think. I feel lonely, I try to get out of it….same thing. Then I feel cheated, then I come back, again I feel lonely. Cheated, lonely, cheated lonely…..and in between commit suicide.
Dr: Anything else about you nature?
P: I cannot tolerate anyone lying to me. I cannot tolerate people stealing. Anybody telling me the worst of things as well it will be difficult for me to take it, but if someone lies to me I feel very angry, very upset. Again same thing….cheated…! I can’t…… I lose that person, I lose myself and trust…I don’t know what to say….I can see only black then. If someone lies to me I feel black, I feel all walls are closed (HG) I feel everything is closed in front of me. Somebody lies….the wind, everything just goes off. Completely…! I don’t know what…? At that moment….
P: If my friend is doing something, I ask her…..a very close friend of mine , she is doing something and I ask her what are you doing now? And she lies to me; she does not tell me what she is doing. Everything seems black. At that moment I just go down, I just crash….I need to sit. (HG) it is all darkness around me. I can’t hear anything, I can’t see anything, I don’t want to talk, my heart….something happens!
I get very angry with people behaving in a wrong way. The other day when I was riding a bike, I was standing at a signal and there was a guy who broke the signal from the left hand side and came and banged into me. Such incidences I cannot stand. But I think I have control my anger otherwise.
Focus of the case:
- Cheated / No trust / cannot tolerate lies
Level of experience:
Hand Gesture: Sometimes aligned with the description
ACTIVE CWP (with focus)
Dr: What happens to you when someone lies to you, cheats you, breaks your trust? What exactly do you experience?
P: I feel like sitting down, a lot of air that comes out, I cannot sleep, I try to run away from people, I try to be alone I cannot face I cannot talk. Then I dwell on those things. I try to remember what all happened, what she did, what I did…then I think this happened so that happened….i go in the past and past and torture myself only.