Woman, 32 years old, mother of autistic child, who I also treat
First consultation: 10. 09. 2005.
Tijana: What is the problem?
Patient: Fear is the main problem. Fear of disease and death. I have that since I was a child. My mother was very ill, so I had fear that I would lose someone dear. I’m afraid all my life. When will I live?
Tijana: Describe to me the fear.
Patient: It is real panic. My ears get blocked, I hear everything unclearly. I got AB on psychiatry. That was in June 2003. It passed quickly. I came to myself again. I still have that fear. I feel dizzy in my head. It’s always connected with sound. It started after the bombing. When I hear a strong sound, airplanes, bombs, death, I shiver, and I’m very cold. Panic attacks. As if it’s darkened, people are moving more slowly. I’m afraid of madness. That’s a parallel world with this one, different view… I’m sensitive to weather changes. I’m afraid of the sun.
Patient: Explosion of brain, like when you pierce a balloon ant then boom.
Tijana: More about the fear.
Patient: It starts from my stomach. Everything is slowed down. It catches me and then I don’t sleep for two months. Restlessness. Need for going somewhere. Just to run away somewhere where it is quiet, to creep into something, and let it pass. I need peace, love. The worst is when my husband starts to offend me… I can’t divide this… Things are coming out, I’m afraid of them… I’m afraid of the situations which I can’t explain. Short connection. It breaks and everything starts coming out of me… I look through the window and everything shines, leaves are sparkling… A feeling that something bad is going to happen, someone dear is going to die or become ill. That is how Voja got ill, turned to autism. We are all emotionally connected.
Patient: As if I’m… I felt the same when my mother died. A complete madness on the graveyard. Stress. Trauma. Fear.
Tijana: A bit more.
Patient: As if I could feel everybody’s emotions. Everything was ugly. I was sad and I cried. I quit school. It lasted for a long time. When wind was blowing it bothered me a lot. I had a feeling that it was going to take me. Like when you fly up. As if wind could hurt you. As if you’re weak. As if wind could hurt you. You’re not strong enough to cling to something. It’s going to take me and smash me. I can’t protect myself. Everything can hurt you, even wind. Weakness. You fly away, you’re not whole, you’re nothing… I couldn’t look people in the eye, I would hide my eyes. I connect everything to myself. I look and then I get scared.
Patient: Except as your own. I actually wanted to die before my mother. After she died I used to check if she was going to show up. Exceptional connection.
Patient: To love… To feel what he feels. To bind together. Enter into the same. Telepathy. You don’t have to speak and you still know what you’re thinking. To think the same, we’re in this together. In a certain moment you must recognize that thread.
Patient: I like flowers, I like nature. I grew up on hippodrome. I’ve always been fascinated by trees, because it’s strong, stable and big. It lives longer than men. It calms me down. I admire nature, but I’m also afraid of it. I don’t like crowds and concrete. I like peace and countryside. I’ve never been relaxed in a crowd. I like flowers, to watch them. It’s alive. It’s gentle and fragile, but beautiful. A little flower can defend itself from wind and rain.
Tijana: A bit more about the fear.
Patient: Tension. It’s like a new state. As if you’re in a vacuum where you don’t belong, and you want to free yourself. Like you’re in prison. Everything bothers you, air and noise, as if you’re not in your natural atmosphere.
Tijana: Where are you then?
Patient: In a circle, emotionally closed. I’m stuck. You can’t change and still have to be here. Something’s going to burst. It has to come out. That’s not my natural state. I have a feeling that it’s going to last all my life. It’s like another world.
Tijana: Another world?
Patient: Separation. Decaying. As if there is no love and warmth, everything is cold, frozen. Far away. Like you’re alone somewhere and you can’t reach others. Nobody can hear you, nobody can see you.
Patient: Entering from this world into another. I hate being separated. Pain, sadness, suffering. As if I can’t go back to what was before. I’m alone and scared and I still have to go to the other side.
Tijana: Have to go to other side?
Patient: Scared… Uncertain… Lost. How to go further, where to go… How to be complete again… if you lose something. If something is lost, I’m alone again.
Tijana: What’s the opposite from separation?
Patient: Connection. A pleasant feeling of safety. You belong to someone else. Someone else has entered your world. You’re not alone; here is someone else who can completely understand your emotions. That’s love and warmth. You don’t have to speak, and someone else can feel you. You understand each other by telepathy. It’s nice when you can sit with someone and you don’t speak, just feel. Like wind can feel.
Patient: It makes me nervous. It can destroy me.
To take me away and smash me on a building. As if you’re too weak to defend yourself.
Tijana: How are you?
Patient: Good. Much better. When I took the remedy I felt weakness and my muscles started to relax. I felt that I see the world as before, wide, clear. I cried. I slept well. I started to open myself, to speak about how I feel. About fears… it happened only once. The real fear. Only once. I feel better, but I’m still not completely satisfied. When I’m in the city centre I don’t have that fear, now I just feel unpleasant. When I feel that I just run away into a quiet street. I’m not that sensitive anymore, I don’t take things personally. Everything used to be horrible for me. Now I’m more realistic and stronger. As if I’ve started to shrink.
Patient: Coming back to your entirety, coming back to yourself, to a firm original state. As if pieces were wandering and now they’re coming back. Like when magnets attract. Pieces recognize and they know they should be together. They recognize themselves and bind together into one. That’s a very good feeling, as if you’ve found yourself. Coming back to yourself. For a while I was nothing, I wasn’t myself. Now I collect myself, that’s an interesting feeling.
It takes time to set, to make myself firm I’m much more cheerful.
Tijana: How are you?
Patient: I’m OK, a bit nervous. In general I’m better. I need my remedy. I started to work. I got into fight with my husband. We actually fought. He hit me, but I was defending. Last two times I fought back. I didn’t mind the crowd, sounds, but during last week it came back. My ears get blocked. I sleep normally. Everybody expects me to keep quiet. Now when I have something to say they’re astonished. I’m better. At work is fine. I do what they’ve told me to do. I’m satisfied. It’s mine, a part of me. Everybody was telling me that I won’t find a new job, but I did. Everything is peaceful and quiet there. I want to fix this thing with my tooth. I feel better and safer. Sometimes I don’t have enough love for myself. Bad moods come in waves. I need respect. It’s not my fault; I’m just a little grain. My self-confidence is coming back. The relationship in the family is now more equal. I’ve always been very sensitive. V. is the same. He is scattered pretty much.
Patient: Dispersed. Nothing with nothing, there’s no connection. Everything goes to its own direction, and it should go back on its place, to entirety, to original state. I think that V. and I are very connected.
Tijana: How are you?
Patient: I’m complete. In general I’m fine. A bit depressed. Not all my batteries are full. As if I’m lacking energy. I’m pierced balloon. Sleepy, I’m not fully awake. As if I’m sleeping, as in a dream. Like I’m not myself. I’m not clear, something’s bothering me. As if I have a spider web in my eyes. I often wash my face.
Patient: You’re yours. Nothing’s bothering you. I’m full of enthusiasm, positive energy. I was pregnant, but I had an abortion.
I get frightened immediately, and then something starts to shake in my body. That pregnancy wouldn’t be OK. I was depressive at the time. I just wanted to cry, V. was annoying me. If I want another child I have to change completely. I’m a bit more depressed. I’m not sad, nor happy, something in between.
Tijana: How is that?
Patient: Without will, tired, like when wind blows.
Tijana: How is it when wind blows?
Patient: You’re not controlling the situation, you just let go. As if I’m not a part of that, I’m not completely in. I’m not in that entirety, in my constitution. As if I overused myself and I need a break. I’m very sleepy.
Tijana: How is it when wind blows?
Patient: Wind is carrying a lot of things; if you’re weak and powerless. Maybe it’s not bad to let wind carry you sometimes. Why fight against some emotions? I think that emotions come and go. It’s ok to be sad, annoyed, because that comes and goes. I’m definitely better. I’m more realistic and different. Today was windy and I felt nice. I feel nice when I go outside.
It is obvious that this patient belongs to the plant kingdom. When I asked about plants she said: I’ve always been fascinated by trees, because they’re strong, stable and big. They live longer than men. They calm me down. I admire nature, but I’m also afraid of it… I like flowers, to watch them. They’re alive. They’re gentle and fragile, but beautiful. A little flower can defend itself from wind and rain…
Now it becomes clear to us that she is not a big tree, but just a tiny, gentle plant. She would like to be like a tree, strong, big and stable, but she’s not. When wind blows it can hurt her as well as when it rains.
What is striking in this case is the way she describes her emotions after her mother’s death: Wind was blowing and it bothered me a lot… I had a feeling that it was going to take me… Like when you fly up… As if wind could hurt you… As if you’re weak. As if wind could hurt you. You’re not strong enough to cling to something… It’s going to take me and smash me. I can’t protect myself. Everything can hurt you, even wind… Weakness. You fly away, you’re not whole, you’re nothing…
When I heard what she said, I started to think about a plant, which is so bothered by wind or has such a strong theme of wind. Then I started to read the case from the beginning and underline the words of sensation; strange and peculiar expressions she used during the consultation. I’ll try to count them:
Like when you pierce a balloon and then boom.
I can’t divide…
Things come out, I’m afraid of them…
It breaks and everything starts coming out of me…
To bind together. Enter into the same.
As if not in natural atmosphere.
In a circle. Something’s going to burst. It has to come out. That’s not my natural state.
Separation. Decaying. Like you’re alone somewhere and you can’t reach others. To be complete again… if you loose something. If something is lost, I’m alone again
Connection. A pleasant feeling of safety. You belong to someone else. Someone else has entered your world. You’re not alone; there is someone else who can completely understand your emotions. That’s love and warmth. You don’t have to speak, and someone else can feel you. You understand each other by telepathy. It’s nice when you can sit with someone and you don’t speak, just feel. Like wind can feel.
Wind can take me away and smash me on a building. As if you’re too weak to defend yourself.
Miasm would be malaria:
o Catches me…
o Just to run away somewhere where is quiet, to creep into something, and let it pass.
o It’s like a new state. It catches you suddenly.
o As if you’re in a vacuum where you don’t belong, and you want to free yourself. Like you’re in prison.
o I’m stuck. You can’t change and still have to be here.
It is clear that this patient needs a plant from the family
Leguminosae, where the main sensation is:
· Splitting apart, coming apart, fragmented or bound together
· Binds things together
· Feels scattered and confused
· Not together
· Feeling together, unified
On the base of the above mentioned the remedy is Robinia, and the key sentence would be:
Intermittent threats of splitting apart!
On the follow-up she again speaks the language of the substance, and although she feels much better she uses these expressions:
As if I started to shrink.
Coming back to your entirety, coming back to yourself, to a firm original state. As if pieces were wandering and now they’re coming back. Like when magnets attract. Pieces recognize and they know they should be together. They recognize themselves and bind together into one.
I’m just a little grain.
Everything goes to its own direction, and it should go back on its place, to entirety, to original state.
I’m not in that entirety, in my constitution
Wind is carrying a lot of things; if you’re weak and powerless. Maybe it’s not bad to let the wind carry you sometimes.
Today is windy and I feel nice.
This patient still comes to me regularly. She feels OK, and her relation with her son is quite good. She brought me so much happiness, because thanks to her I can now understand the language of Leguminosae.
Tijana Ružić (1973, Novi Sad, Serbia) got her BA medical degree with the Medical College of the University of Belgrade in Belgrade, Serbia. She graduated from a four-year homeopathy course with the London International College of Homeopathy in Novi Sad and Belgrade, Serbia. Along with these studies she attended an advanced two-year homeopathy course organized in Novi Sad by the Classical Homeopathy Centre (CKH – Centrum voor Klassieke Homeopathie) from Leuven, Belgium. During her nine years of homeopatic practice in Novi Sad she had over 2,000 patients. In 2004 she started tutoring students from Serbia with the London International College of Homeopathy. In 2006 she joined the staff of the Homeopathy School ‘Simillimum’ in Belgrade, and in 2007 she started teaching in the Classical Homeopathy School ‘Hahnemann’ in Novi Sad, a licensed training centre of the Classical Homeopathy Centre from Leuven, Belgium. In her spare time she enjoys painting, sculpting and soap making.