A difficult case, but we shall reach there.
A 28 year old lady came to see me in 2013. She had numerous physical problems. She would get Tonsillitis often, digestive issues, acidity, heartburn. She said the burning was so bad that she had to think before she ate anything. She could only tolerate simple food. With slightest errors in diet, she would get indigestion, burning, burping, bloating.
She had Psoriasis. There were patches on the underarm, thighs which were itchy.
When she would scratch hard, there would be some watery oozing from the patches. They would increase for no apparent reason and at times they were manageable, but always there.
Regarding her temperament, she said, “I get angry easily, especially when people advise me. I do not like to be preached. I hate advices. I feel if I need suggestions, I shall ask you. But I don’t understand why people like to preach all the time. My confidence level is not great. I do not mix easily with people. Though I know I am good, I get bouts of self doubt. I am self critical. I always feel other people are better than me. Normally I am reserved, but sometimes I want to speak a lot, but I feel choked. I work as an art teacher in an International school. I do not like teaching the kids. I am not very good with them. They scatter the colours, do not listen, which makes me impatient. I do not like the seven to five job. But, I think I shall be stuck with this job forever. I love to draw. I wish to do free lancing work. But, I lack motivation. I have that inertia. I am not comfortable with all people. I get defensive for slightest of things. Every small issue, I take it in a negative way. I get stressed at problems and panic. I get mood swings. Sometimes I am happy, but soon my moods dip for no particular reason. Since childhood, I am like this, sulky. Even my relatives would remark that she is never happy and is grumpy all the time.”
I asked her about her childhood, hoping to find how did she develop into the grumpy person she is.
“In childhood I was reserved, irritable. I would play by myself. I did not have many friends. My father passed away when I was in fifth grade. I would get angry when , after his death people would come to sympathise. My mother’s nature is relaxed and easy. I don’t know why I am this way. I was tomboyish. In school, I had an inferiority complex, since I was fat. I wanted to be slim. Was angry with myself and others. In college, things were better. I was in a hostel. I did things on my own. I was independent which increased my confidence level. I am creative. But very moody. After marriage, things did not change. My in laws live close to our place. My mother in law is a nice lady, but I do not like when she advises me. I feel, I shall do it the way I want to. If I need your advice, I shall ask you. My husband is good. But for small things I pick up fights with him. I think, its because of the dissatisfaction in the job. But then again, I have never been a happy person. I realise I fight with him for no apparent reason. He tells me to calm down, but my ego prevents me from ceasing to get angry. I feel choked, claustrophobic in life. I am stuck. There is some fear, I don’t know what.”
On asking more about her fears, feeling of claustrophobia, she could not describe much. Then I asked her about her dreams, hoping to get an entry.
“ In my dream, I see an old person. He is seeing spirits. I can also see spirits. I am very scared in the dream. I want to shout out for help but my voice does not come out.”
I gave her Ignatia 1M on the following rubrics:
Confidence, want of self
Anger, oneself with
Sensitive , reprimands, reproaches to.
Fear, narrow places, claustrophobia
Dreams, Ghosts, spectres
Mood, changeable, variable
Will, weakness of
Follow up: I saw her a month later. She reported that the skin rash and itching was the same. There was itching in the groins and she had noticed some warts. There was heaviness in the left side of abdomen. Motions were frequent. There was dandruff and itchiness of scalp. Mentally, she felt discouraged. She was irritated for having to deal with kids in her class. She was upset with herself for not being able to manage her work well.
She had a dream of being stuck in the elevator. She was trying hard to open it, but could not. There was a feeling of frustration and fear of not being able to breathe.
In another dream, she had to go to the washroom urgently, but she was scared of being locked inside. Hence, she left the door open. There was a feeling of embarrassment and fear, what if someone comes.’
I repeated Ignatia 1m , since all the Rubrics were being covered, including the feeling of embarrassment which she spoke this time. Moreover, it would be too early to change the remedy.
Follow up : A fortnight later:
She reported that the vaginal warts had increased. Itching was more or less same. The abdomen pain was slightly better. She was about to get her periods. Mentally, she felt disgusted, usually she felt so before her menses. She was cranky, irritated. There were lot of unnecessary negative thoughts. She was planing to quit her job and start classes at home. But again felt that the kids would now come home. They would make noise. She dreaded the thought of class. Also she lacked motivation to start the class. She repeated that she could not be happy. Something or the other would happen which did not let her feel happy. She said, that she wanted to come out, feel free, but the negative emotions pull her back. She felt her mind had overpowered her. She complained of pain in the right shoulder and throbbing pain in the left heel. She also had a dream that she had turned bald which scared her.
This time I gave her CHINA 200, owing to the feeling of being hindered, persecuted. Also on the rubric, Dwells, thoughts on past/unpleasant. She was also theorising : “The kids will come home, will make noise. I won’t like it” (when actually it had not happened. )
China, too, did not help.
This went on for a couple of months. There was no major change in her mental outlook . The follow ups brought many varied physical symptoms. What was constant was her feeling of irritation, anger, for no major reason. Her feeling of fear, again she could not describe much and constant claustrophobia. Also her dreams were scary.
I did try my best to go deeper, but she would keep coming back and repeating the emotional state. I tried a lot to get characteristic physical symptoms without avail.
I knew something was amiss, but didn’t know what. During this course of time, I gave her these remedies:
Nitrogen (claustrophobia, needing to be free);
Thuja (out of desperation: for warts, Intercurrent).
I even tried Culex (the mosquito) since the same “malarial” complaints went on and on.
Surprisingly nothing helped here. I have otherwise observed there are a few changes after a partially similar remedy. But here, nothing moved. But she did.
She discontinued treatment after a year.
I saw her again in 2016, after three years. She visited me for her six month old daughter. When her daughter recovered from mild pneumonia with homoeopathic medicines, she said she wished to give another try for her condition, which was the same as we had left it, only being managed temporarily with intermittent allopathic help. This time I was determined. I called her for consultation and prepared myself mentally, as my teacher Dr. Jayesh Shah had taught. “I would just listen to her, try to understand her. I did not have to give her any remedy, so I didn’t need to worry to ‘find her remedy’”, I said to myself.
“I am the same. I guess, I shall be the same always, the same grumpy, unhappy girl. In fact, after the birth of my daughter, I feel I am trapped. Whatever little freedom I had earlier is also not there. I keep worrying about her, she gets ill often, sometimes she gets constipated. She wakes up at night, shouting. I am forever on her case. My mother tells me I keep looking for issues, that’s why she remains unwell. I feel it too. I am constantly fretting over her meals, feed, sleep. Thats what I keep doing the whole day. I can’t take things easy. Then, when my husband comes home, I get irritated at him. Many instances I have an outburst. I am frustrated, where do I leave her. I do not have time for myself. I feel drained. I can’t multitask. There is so much work to do. My mother in law advises me on what to feed her so that her immunity increases. I get very irritated. At times I feel I am not a good mother. I am very impatient. I am frustrated being at home all the time. I had been working, so I find all the household work irritating. Sometimes I just feel like going away from all this. Also in addition to the skin problems, I am getting a lower back pain, since I have to carry her. No dreams these days, since I am so tired, I do not know when I fall asleep.”
Very happy at having nailed it, I prescribed Sepia 1M confidently.
Again, three weeks later.
“ After stopping the allopathic medicines, as you had advised, my skin has started getting worse. There is a cream coloured discharge . It is itchy. I get very irritated. Something or the other keeps happening. I cannot get to doing what I want to. But, I also do not know what I want to do. I in fact keep making excuses to myself, giving myself reasons, why I can’t do a job or start classes. The other day, I had an argument with my husband which made me very angry. He was telling me how I should take care of my child, I flared up. As I had told you earlier, I do not like being told how to do things or being criticised. Also, I was angry, this is not right, he does not help me in any way, yet he keeps preaching. ”
This time I wanted to understand exactly how she felt in this intense situation. Hence, instead of hearing the same old story, I asked her to describe her anger.
“It is very intense. When someone shouts at me, I feel, why is he trying to dominate me. I feel stuck and suffocated. It makes me very angry. I get transformed into an absolutely different person. My whole energy changes. I am not in control of myself. I am fearful when this happens to me. My whole body gets transformed into something beyond my control. My whole energy changes. I can’t be pacified then. I lash out. I am loud, have an impulse to throw things.”
I asked her to describe the experience of “stuck and suffocated”.
“ It’s like someone has put me in a box. I feel a band around my head, which is pressing my head so bad that my brain will burst. I can’t control myself, behave wildly. I want to shout, “To hell with the rules!”As if my mind has taken over my entire being. I feel powerless, weak. I feel acidic, suffocation, fear of being in the box. I start weeping uncontrollably. All I want to do is see the sky, go out, then I shall feel better.”
“I do get such a feeling occasionally. Once we had gone to Rajasthan and were seeing a fort. In the narrow passageway, suddenly I felt I could not breathe. I felt choked and suffocated. I quickly ran out into the open, and took a few deep breaths. When I saw the sky outside I felt much better. I had a very strange yet strong feeling there, when I was in the fort. I felt I had been there before. I had a vague feeling that probably I was trapped in the narrow rooms there. That distressing feeling of suffocation, the band like headache and wanting to see the sky, get out. It felt very uncomfortable yet familiar.”
“What dreams do you get?”
“I was getting married to an eight year old child in my dream. I was angry and upset at my father. I asked him, how could you do this?”
What was the feeling in the dream?
“I was angry at my father. Just because he is my father he cant be controlling my life. I also felt now I am trapped in this relationship, how can I break my marriage. I also dreamt of something happening to my daughter, either she is hurt or has fallen off the cot.”
I had seen her so many times earlier, but for the first time she had connected so well with her innermost feelings.
Understanding of the case :
This lady always gave the feeling that she was trapped and hindered. She was always discontented and fretful. She was not able to have her “Will” and had a strong need for independence. She did not like to be dominated and told what to do which made her feel humiliated and undervalued. She was anxious about her child but at the same time felt hindered and very angry, to the point of rage when she had to compromise her freedom. At the core, she experienced the feeling as a sense of suffocation and needing to be free.
Rubrics that capture her state are :
Ailments from domination.
Anger : cold, detached.
Rage, fury, cursing with
Indignation, rage with.
Anxiety, children about his.
Escape, desires to, family and children from her. ( where I had given Sepia )
Duty, aversion to, domestic duty. (Sepia)
Confidence, want of self confidence. (Sepia)
Injustice, cannot support. (Sepia)
Fear, narrow place in, claustrophobia. (Sepia)
Fear, suffocation of. (Sepia)
Freedom , desire for.
Dreams, trapped of being.
Dreams, accidents of.
The remedy I gave her was Falcon peregrine 200 c. one dose.
About FALCO PEREGRINE :
Falco P was proved by Misha Norland. The Falcon is a bird of prey, belonging to the family Falconidae. The core feeling of the Falcon is a feeling of being dominated, and the need to break free from this domination. Although the need for freedom is common to birds in general, it finds its most intense expression in the Falcon in the form of resistance to subjugation or domination by another.
This feeling is brought out by the rubrics:
Abuse, ailments from; Abuse, ailments from, Childhood in; Abuse, ailments from, Sexual
Mortification, ailments from; Raped being, ailments from; Fear, fright, ailments from
Delusion, dominated is ; Delusion, hindered is; Delusion, persecuted is; Delusion, paralysed he is; Delusion, horse she is a reined in wild stallion that desires to be free.
Delusion, influence is under a powerful; Delusion, prostitute she is
Delusion, superhuman control is under; Domination, by others aggravate., father by.
Dreams, of being abused; Dreams , of being beaten ; Dreams, caged of being
Dreams, mortification of, sexual; Dreams, murdered of being; Dreams, trapped of being
Freedom, desire for; Escape, desire to; Escape, desire to, family and children from her;House, aversion to be kept in, being; House, wants to get out of, run away;
Fear, suffocation of; Driving a care desires, fast; Travel, desire to
Because of the domination, there is ANGER. A cold, hard anger especially at anything that is perceived as a restraint.
Anger, cold, detached; Anger, violent; Anger, touch agg; Rage, fury, cursing with; Indignation, rage with; Violence, vehemence; Obstinate, headstrong; Mutilate his body, tendency to; Coldness, Indifference, Lack of feeling; Unfeeling, hard hearted, family, friends, with his; Unsympathetic, unscrupulous; Delusion, queen, ice queen , she is
Opinion of others
Despite the strong will of the Falcon, the proving brought out a strong desire for the good opinion of others. Falcon gives up its freedom for acceptance, admiration and food. The image of the Falcon on the gloved hand of the falconer, tethered, yet free, is a striking metaphor for this aspect.
Timidity, company in; Timidity, public about appearing in; Opinion of others, longing for good; Fear, approaching others of; Please others desire to; Appreciation, desires
Giving up will
After the struggle and the anger, there is a stage where
Rubrics suggestive of giving up of will and resignation are :
Discouraged, resignation; Discouraged, disgust with; Disgust, himself with; Despair, lost, thinks everything is; Despair, recovery of; Delusion, walls falling inward; Delusion, prisoner is a; Delusion, protection, defense has no; Delusion, neglected duty, his;
Delusion, worthless he is; Delusion, wrong everything is; Delusion, unreal everything is
Delusion, trapped he is; Delusion, separated, from the world, that he is;Delusion, shield around him has an iron; Time, loss of conception of; Sadness, gloomy, dark
Fear, panic attacks overpowering; Forsaken feeling, isolation sensation of, anguish during
Mildness; Tranquillity, serenity, calmness, incomprehensible
Tranquility, serenity, calmness, reconciling to fate
Interesting physical symptoms too suggest paralysis
Heaviness, tired limbs; Looseness, sensation of joints; Numbness, insensibility; upper limbs, hands, fingers, legs, calves, feet. ;Stiffness, trembling, unsteadiness, weakness.
There is CARE AND ANXIETY FOR THE CHILDREN (lesser than Hawk). But the concern for family is secondary to his own need for freedom. Hence there is also desire to escape from the family, which becomes a restriction.
Anxiety, children about his ; Anxiety, family about his; Anxiety, others for, loved ones for; Children, desires to be with; Dreams, children, babies.