A difficult case, but we shall reach there.
A 28 year old lady came to see me in 2013. She had numerous physical problems. She would get Tonsillitis often, digestive issues, acidity, heartburn. She said the burning was so bad that she had to think before she ate anything. She could only tolerate simple food. With slightest errors in diet, she would get indigestion, burning, burping, bloating.
She had Psoriasis. There were patches on the underarm, thighs which were itchy.
When she would scratch hard, there would be some watery oozing from the patches. They would increase for no apparent reason and at times they were manageable, but always there.
Regarding her temperament, she said, “I get angry easily, especially when people advise me. I do not like to be preached. I hate advices. I feel if I need suggestions, I shall ask you. But I don’t understand why people like to preach all the time. My confidence level is not great. I do not mix easily with people. Though I know I am good, I get bouts of self doubt. I am self critical. I always feel other people are better than me. Normally I am reserved, but sometimes I want to speak a lot, but I feel choked. I work as an art teacher in an International school. I do not like teaching the kids. I am not very good with them. They scatter the colours, do not listen, which makes me impatient. I do not like the seven to five job. But, I think I shall be stuck with this job forever. I love to draw. I wish to do free lancing work. But, I lack motivation. I have that inertia. I am not comfortable with all people. I get defensive for slightest of things. Every small issue, I take it in a negative way. I get stressed at problems and panic. I get mood swings. Sometimes I am happy, but soon my moods dip for no particular reason. Since childhood, I am like this, sulky. Even my relatives would remark that she is never happy and is grumpy all the time.”
I asked her about her childhood, hoping to find how did she develop into the grumpy person she is.
“In childhood I was reserved, irritable. I would play by myself. I did not have many friends. My father passed away when I was in fifth grade. I would get angry when , after his death people would come to sympathise. My mother’s nature is relaxed and easy. I don’t know why I am this way. I was tomboyish. In school, I had an inferiority complex, since I was fat. I wanted to be slim. Was angry with myself and others. In college, things were better. I was in a hostel. I did things on my own. I was independent which increased my confidence level. I am creative. But very moody. After marriage, things did not change. My in laws live close to our place. My mother in law is a nice lady, but I do not like when she advises me. I feel, I shall do it the way I want to. If I need your advice, I shall ask you. My husband is good. But for small things I pick up fights with him. I think, its because of the dissatisfaction in the job. But then again, I have never been a happy person. I realise I fight with him for no apparent reason. He tells me to calm down, but my ego prevents me from ceasing to get angry. I feel choked, claustrophobic in life. I am stuck. There is some fear, I don’t know what.”
On asking more about her fears, feeling of claustrophobia, she could not describe much. Then I asked her about her dreams, hoping to get an entry.
“ In my dream, I see an old person. He is seeing spirits. I can also see spirits. I am very scared in the dream. I want to shout out for help but my voice does not come out.”
I gave her Ignatia 1M on the following rubrics:
Confidence, want of self
Anger, oneself with
Sensitive , reprimands, reproaches to.
Fear, narrow places, claustrophobia
Dreams, Ghosts, spectres
Mood, changeable, variable
Will, weakness of
Follow up: I saw her a month later. She reported that the skin rash and itching was the same. There was itching in the groins and she had noticed some warts. There was heaviness in the left side of abdomen. Motions were frequent. There was dandruff and itchiness of scalp. Mentally, she felt discouraged. She was irritated for having to deal with kids in her class. She was upset with herself for not being able to manage her work well.
She had a dream of being stuck in the elevator. She was trying hard to open it, but could not. There was a feeling of frustration and fear of not being able to breathe.
In another dream, she had to go to the washroom urgently, but she was scared of being locked inside. Hence, she left the door open. There was a feeling of embarrassment and fear, what if someone comes.’
I repeated Ignatia 1m , since all the Rubrics were being covered, including the feeling of embarrassment which she spoke this time. Moreover, it would be too early to change the remedy.
Follow up : A fortnight later:
She reported that the vaginal warts had increased. Itching was more or less same. The abdomen pain was slightly better. She was about to get her periods. Mentally, she felt disgusted, usually she felt so before her menses. She was cranky, irritated. There were lot of unnecessary negative thoughts. She was planing to quit her job and start classes at home. But again felt that the kids would now come home. They would make noise. She dreaded the thought of class. Also she lacked motivation to start the class. She repeated that she could not be happy. Something or the other would happen which did not let her feel happy. She said, that she wanted to come out, feel free, but the negative emotions pull her back. She felt her mind had overpowered her. She complained of pain in the right shoulder and throbbing pain in the left heel. She also had a dream that she had turned bald which scared her.
This time I gave her CHINA 200, owing to the feeling of being hindered, persecuted. Also on the rubric, Dwells, thoughts on past/unpleasant. She was also theorising : “The kids will come home, will make noise. I won’t like it” (when actually it had not happened. )
China, too, did not help.
This went on for a couple of months. There was no major change in her mental outlook . The follow ups brought many varied physical symptoms. What was constant was her feeling of irritation, anger, for no major reason. Her feeling of fear, again she could not describe much and constant claustrophobia. Also her dreams were scary.
I did try my best to go deeper, but she would keep coming back and repeating the emotional state. I tried a lot to get characteristic physical symptoms without avail.
I knew something was amiss, but didn’t know what. During this course of time, I gave her these remedies:
Nitrogen (claustrophobia, needing to be free);
Thuja (out of desperation: for warts, Intercurrent).
I even tried Culex (the mosquito) since the same “malarial” complaints went on and on.
Surprisingly nothing helped here. I have otherwise observed there are a few changes after a partially similar remedy. But here, nothing moved. But she did.
She discontinued treatment after a year.
I saw her again in 2016, after three years. She visited me for her six month old daughter. When her daughter recovered from mild pneumonia with homoeopathic medicines, she said she wished to give another try for her condition, which was the same as we had left it, only being managed temporarily with intermittent allopathic help. This time I was determined. I called her for consultation and prepared myself mentally, as my teacher Dr. Jayesh Shah had taught. “I would just listen to her, try to understand her. I did not have to give her any remedy, so I didn’t need to worry to ‘find her remedy’”, I said to myself.
“I am the same. I guess, I shall be the same always, the same grumpy, unhappy girl. In fact, after the birth of my daughter, I feel I am trapped. Whatever little freedom I had earlier is also not there. I keep worrying about her, she gets ill often, sometimes she gets constipated. She wakes up at night, shouting. I am forever on her case. My mother tells me I keep looking for issues, that’s why she remains unwell. I feel it too. I am constantly fretting over her meals, feed, sleep. Thats what I keep doing the whole day. I can’t take things easy. Then, when my husband comes home, I get irritated at him. Many instances I have an outburst. I am frustrated, where do I leave her. I do not have time for myself. I feel drained. I can’t multitask. There is so much work to do. My mother in law advises me on what to feed her so that her immunity increases. I get very irritated. At times I feel I am not a good mother. I am very impatient. I am frustrated being at home all the time. I had been working, so I find all the household work irritating. Sometimes I just feel like going away from all this. Also in addition to the skin problems, I am getting a lower back pain, since I have to carry her. No dreams these days, since I am so tired, I do not know when I fall asleep.”