The proving was carried out at the North West College of Homoeopathy, Manchester.
15 provers. 3 male and 12 female. Age range 20-65.
The clearest, most transparent variety of Selenite was used for the proving. It was the Lapis specularis, as the Romans called it (‘mirror stone’). The proving Directors were informed that the mineral used in the proving came from Brazil. One of the proving Directors (RJ) prepared the substance himself at Helios pharmacy by the process of trituration as described by Hahnemann in his Organon and the Chronic Diseases.
The remedy was given in the 30C potency to all provers, except prover 23, who took the 200C. None of the provers appearing in this proving were given a placebo.
Marienglas, also women’s glass, Selenite or mirror glass (lapis specularis) is a variety of the mineral gypsum, and therefore, viewed from a chemical point of view, calcium sulfate (CaSO4·2H2O) containing high water content. It formed as salt deposits (evaporation of salt water) in seas millions of years ago. It is, among all the other varieties of Selenite, of a particularly high purity (there are no other anions mixed into it). The big, transparent crystals can be easily split into thin lamellas (flakes). It is a very soft mineral. The surface can easily be scratched with a fingernail.
Johan Gottschalk Walerius (1709-1785) gave to this mineral the name Selenite, possibly inspired by its pale blue reflection, which resembles the light of the moon (Selene – Σεληνη). Selenites in Greek means ‘moon stone’. The German name Marienglas derives from its use as a glass substitute in front of images of the Holy Mary and in containers for holy relics. Because it was used for the protection of images of the Holy Mary it was also called women’s glass in certain areas of Germany. The Romans used it as windowpanes because the quality of this type of Selenite was more even and of higher quality than the glass used then. Pliny the Elder (23-79) described in his encyclopaedia Naturalis historia the way Selenite was harvested and manufactured into windowpanes and lamps.
Marienglas deposits can be found in Germany (Bavaria, Hessen, Thuringia), Russia, Ukraine, Turkmenistan, Morocco, Tunisia, Mexico, USA and Australia.
Clarity of feeling. Very defined. Easy access to emotions.
Feeling of not making any apologies for who I am. Do what I want, e.g. don’t pay any attention to guests. At friends – great time there, connecting, intimate, very easy.
Desire to take more of the remedy: “I feel strong physically and emotionally.” (1st day)
Felt happy, relaxed and optimistic.
Anxiety wife coming back – would lose my space.
Very impatient with people. Don’t want to listen to them, want to solve things quickly, not say more – just do it. Don’t want to listen to anyone. “Just shut up.”
Very scatty and forgetful – still not ordered the remedies, it is important, yet I still forget. More impatient, anxious. Felt very ill, fear of being taken over by the remedy, then desire to take more. Went dancing. Confident and in charge, sheer enjoyment, felt girls (women) responded accordingly. Very defined and clear. I could get into opposition with others easily. “Don’t mess with me.”
Confidence, connecting, separateness – never really ‘merging’. Always defined.
Desire to be alone, I don’t want to be disturbed. “Don’t talk to me.”
Everything has to be on my terms.
Withdrawn in an active way. Very inconsiderate. Disinterested in other people’s affairs.
Very concentrated, very clear. I read quickly and retain things well.
Fearlessness, I want to go for it (e.g. taking more remedies). I don’t take any advice.
I feel that I should be strong and dominant.
Clarity about what should be done. Decisive, active, no hesitation. Very clear about what is right and what is wrong. I have clear solutions for everything. Everything is black and white.
Favour hard line approach in the war in Albania. NATO interference correct.
Very focussed. Read a lot and concentrated.
I am not torn from one side to another. I am not trying to please, to be nice.
I feel strong and dominant.
I feel impatient, short with people, I am abrupt, and yet I am scatty when it comes to important arrangements.
Feel lots of optimism, happiness, get a buzz from everything.
Very sensitive to noise and pollution.
Feeling of separateness without feeling detached or alienated. I feel solid as a block.
I feel impatient, “no crap, please.” (day 2)
The dominant side of my character is coming out. Who I am, my strengths. Power and clarity. I am not making any apologies. Real excitement, dynamism, everything feels shaken up.
Fearlessness, really want to go for it.
I mustn’t be impeded in any way, hindered or disrupted.
There is a particular openness which I didn’t have before. I can speak matter-of-factly about private things, “that’s life, that’s the way it is.”
I don’t qualify things, I don’t apologise. (day 4)
Had a great time at the party, I’m giggling, still laughing alone in bed.
With Steve: Talk about genuineness in art, music etc. I was clear and focussed, I was absolutely sure about what I was saying, without being dogmatic. Cultural values are handed down the generations, the ‘message in the bottle’ works. Secret communication between those who advance culture. I could communicate mystical, mysterious stuff very easily.
Very at ease with the students.
I am on a high, this thing is just great. I don’t want this to stop. I want to take more of the remedy. Life makes total sense.
In the middle of the evening it occurred to me: Is this the pathology – that I think that everything is clear, straightforward? It’s not!
My life is blessed.
I am feeling safe and happy.
I want to nourish myself with good food.
Lots of energy.
Lots of enjoyment with others. I want other people around.
I feel and am irresponsible. I feel a real joy at being irresponsible, and I laugh about it. (day 5)
[Suspicion, jealousy. Sudden suspicion. Paranoid frame of mind. Desire to be alone.]
Sexual thoughts. Base sex. No complications.
Feeling more cautious now. Worried about who is reading this. A few days ago I would have come out with anything.
Desire to return to regular meditation (previously this had gone completely).
I don’t feel the need to help friends, I have no desire to do so, and feel no guilt about it.
I don’t feel callous, that’s just the right thing to do. That’s life.
I don’t feel like a rock star anymore (like the days before).
I feel that I have to wrench every action from my own selfishness. The basis of all my actions is selfishness.
Everything is instinctively judged by how much pleasure it gives me. I feel my own little smutty selfishness.
I have a dirty mind. I could soil creation.
Is this a remedy for fake confidence? A remedy for those who delude themselves?
I feel as if I have been cut down to size, I’m getting small, shrink, I fall inside, I dwindle. Within minutes I fell from a great height. Pathetic.
I am not there where I think I am – all delusion. (Felt like that as a teenager).
I use any excuse to follow my pathetic animal nature.
Now I feel I live at the expense of my spirituality.
I feel that I pretend.
A few days ago there was a total absence of conscience. Now the superego is coming into play. (day 6)
Thoughts about the house. I realised that I only live in the house, like in a shell, I’m not really connected with it. I am not really and fully at home. (day 7)
Who am I really? Where am I? What if I’m nothing? Uncertainty, as if I’m not fully anchored in reality.
I need to get my life in order, to take control; I let too many things happen to me rather than putting my stamp on it. At the same time I feel sluggish and lazy.
I can’t make decisions. I’m marking essays, could be a first or a fail, I have no idea.
I don’t care what I’m wearing.
My selfishness is under the microscope.
Feel like an irresponsible teenager who only thinks of sex and wants to masturbate.
Obsessive jealousy towards my wife. Before that indifferent to her. [Absent abroad during the proving] [Is this change form total conviction to self-disgust important?]
I felt dirty, had two showers today. I need to come clean, I feel dirty.
I want to smoke even though I don’t like it.
I resist the change and the challenge. I’m just floating along in my own little space. I don’t want to see the issues.
Again very giggly, silly. I don’t want to sleep, much too excited.
[This level of self-reflection is not usual.] (day 8)
Desire to tackle issues. Get my house in order.
A kind of homecoming, house issues are coming. I am discovering my own house. (day 9)
There is less structure in my life than before, more disorder.
There is enjoyment to the full. Feeling of release and expansion.
At the moment I am interested in BIG things (like United winning the treble). Can’t be bothered with small things (like the relationship problems of one of my friends).
Intolerance to any restriction. (day 10)
I realise that I don’t want to be limited in any way. That I don’t want any responsibility. I have a very selfish perspective. (day 11)
Strong desire to be at home.
I am dismissive of people.
My life seems chaotic, everywhere these loose threads.
I don’t want to be checked anymore.
Leeds, homoeopathic seminar. Felt very removed from it. All this talk of spirituality seems preposterous. I just want to be home. (day 12)
I feel very defiant, why should I do this or that …
I feel very determined to sort things out. (day 13)
I don’t want to see people or friends, can’t be bothered. I don’t want to have any attachments, complications, I just want to be alone.
Beer, sex, football – what’s wrong with that? (day 14)
No nonsense, please.
Proving seems to counteract process of emasculation, therefore the throwback into puberty makes total sense. It has a lot to do with regaining the masculine side.
[Male and female side not connected]. (day 15)
Determination to sort things out.
Clarity, clear definition. Real.
TOTAL – is at the moment my favourite word.
What is reality, what fiction? All clear lines are blurred.
On one level things are falling apart, at the same time there is clarity.
There is messiness and some kind of order.
Genuineness. (day 16)
Now I feel my motives for sorting things out in the relationship are clear. No hidden agenda.
The whole thing has to do with finding our appropriate positions in this relationship, in this life really.
The penny dropped.
One-sidedness. Cannot see her side, and don’t want to. (day 17)
I feel determined. I love my home. (day 18)
Things are falling apart. Can’t and don’t want to do anything about it. (day 19)
Graduate ball – lust for life – exuberant, felt very connected with the people there. (day 20)
Don’t get on with things I have to do. Procrastinate on things.
Sadness coming up. Don’t know why.
Feeling of oppression and foreboding.
Do I only think I see it clearly?
Feeling that something very dreadful is going to happen.
Mixture of clarity and the feeling: Is all of this a total delusion on my part? (day 21)
My quiet side is coming to the front now.
Male side has to do with enjoyment and not feeling bad about it.
Home very important. A kind of power-base. I need to develop this. (day 23)
Flashbacks to the past, to do with loneliness, isolation. I have always tried to belong to something outside of myself.
I’m not understood, not listened to. I can’t make myself understood.
I’m not looked after or cared for.
Loneliness, I’m hiding at the moment, don’t answer messages, don’t want to see anyone, don’t want to talk. I’m alone with it, I’m not reaching out. (day 24)
Loneliness and isolation.
I am quite sure I am stuck in a pattern which reproduces isolation in intimate settings.
Need to unblock, open up, release. (day 27)
Feel in a sycotic state. Separated from the world through selfishness, egotism, lust, greed. A prickly state. Aggressive in its constant desire.
I can feel the diseased state.
The core of this is selfish sexuality. (day 28)
Feel no deep connection with the outside world.
Inside I feel empty, outside a bristling ego.
[Hate any consolation].
Inside I feel weak and helpless. Outside there is bravado.
Feeling of self-disgust. Fed up with myself.
Feeling that things are crumbling. (day 29)
Mind feels motivated, but can’t settle to do anything, standing around a bit blank.
Moving at a slower pace. (after 6 hours)
Great weariness. (after 9 hours)
Aggravated by family speaking to me. Voices. (after 11 hours)
Feel aggravated by company – voices annoy me, want to be quiet. Harmful aggression (daughter said I looked evil).
Left tutorial. Can’t be bothered writing things down. Didn’t want to listen.
Head clearer, more balanced, more aware and alert. I don’t feel heavy.
I feel like an animal, that wants to be free. I could have slept on the lawn.
I desire to be outside in the garden, feel more relaxed, feel more like me. I don’t like buildings and traffic.
I felt calm when I woke up. I didn’t want to be in the house. I feel stronger outside in the garden.
I want to get things sorted out and to get things done.
Mentally and physically I feel stronger to deal with sensitive things.
I am calm, and happy with my own company.
I need the light of candles. Warmth, brightness.
Feel more alert when temples are sore. (1st day)
Slow relaxed pace, I am not hurried.
I don’t want to write. Can’t be bothered.
I feel better outside, I am more laid back, not bothered.
I feel that my feet are firmly on the ground.
I am slow in the morning, with feeling of heaviness.
I want to communicate, I want to have contact with family and friends. (day 2)
I awoke feeling angry.
I don’t want company, and I don’t want to make conversation.
I am angry with daughter. She said I was ‘vile’.
My driving is erratic. I didn’t want to be in the car.
I am confused, I couldn’t find someone’s address.
I don’t want to speak to anyone.
I want to be alone.
I feel trapped when I’m inside.
I feel calmer.
Scowling. While in the house in the evening.
Depressed, angry feeling when inside.
Confusion about arrangements, times and days.
Desire to light candles. I kneel in front of candles. (day 3)
I could stay up all night. (day 4)
I cry and sob, deep sighs – past sadness, about a recent loss. (Grief from death of mum).
I remember word for word what happened three years ago.
Guilt: I realised that I was carrying guilt for something which I had no control over.
I want to be alone, be alone when I cry.
I felt > for crying.
My psychic abilities and my intuition are heightened.
Right and wrong feelings
I feel as if I lifted a great weight off my chest. (day 5)
I feel I have a serious disease. Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s.
I feel I’m dragging myself around like an old woman.
Confusion – can’t think of the right word when talking.
I still light candles.
Wrong and right issues – this is not right, etc. (day 6)
Weeping again, for 15 minutes without any reason.
I feel light, I sort things out.
My memory is gone blank. I cannot think of the word I’m searching for. It takes 4 or 5 minutes to find it. (day 7)
I feel calm, positive, close to husband and daughter.
I get things sorted, am organised.
Memory block – can’t even think of words. (day 8)
I feel angry, again right/wrong issues.
I have a strong need to communicate, to sort things out. (day 10)
There is a sense of calmness and love around me. (day 11)
Feel really sad and heavy. (day 12)
Wanted to be hugged.
Feelings of anxiety, no reason. (day 13)
Wanted to hug and touch everyone. (day 19)
Opportunity for jobs. Day of opportunity. Three job offers.
I missed my tutorial. I didn’t notice the time. (day 20)
Throughout the proving I didn’t bother about cleanliness, shaving legs and underarm hair. I didn’t have my hair styled nor filed nails. I wore always the same clothes I couldn’t be bothered.
Feeling of impending doom, didn’t want to take the remedies. ( just before taking the remedy)
Realisation of colours blue/yellow, very significant.
Rejection of rules, regulations of proving. I don’t want to be controlled by the guidelines. (after 11 minutes)
Sensitive to news of bombing (Chinese embassy).
Confusion – cannot work out the time, or whether to take a second dose. (after 1 hour)
Irritable and pissed off. ’I want to talk to the provers to see what they are thinking and feeling, that pisses me off because I’m not allowed to.’ [allowed underlined 3 times]
I need reassurance, I feel very insecure.
I feel singular and irritable.
‘Maybe this is what my vision in my dream is about, maybe the flowers represent the provers’ relationship with each other – close but singular. All of us having a lot in common, a close group but very individual and unable to communicate.’
I feel paranoid – is the proving book good enough? What will people say?
I felt different from the group in the clinic. I felt others against me. (after 2 days)
Day dream – man with gun will shoot me with a machine gun, I would have to hide somewhere.
I have a strong awareness of trees, I noticed their energy and strength. (after 3 days)
Sinister shadows, I feel that somebody is lurking in shadows. (after 4 days)
Sensation as if somebody was behind me, feeling of panic, as if they were creating anarchy. Followed by a sensation of a loud noise.
Spaced out feeling – anxiety in middle of body. (after 6 days)
I feel detached from the group, feel like an outsider. ‘I was with J’s family but felt like an outsider looking in rather than part of the group. On Sunday at the restaurant I felt it was a struggle.’ (after 8 days)
I feel quiet and detached in company. ‘I feel within myself a bit withdrawn, again singular, detached and different to everyone else.’
I have the feeling as if I followed a patient because I phoned her up. I felt I was controlling her.
I feel under attack, and I have nowhere to hide. (after 11 days)
I feel indecisive and unsure of myself. (after 13 days)
I keep losing things. (after 17 days)
I definitely feel more awake. (after 1 hour)
I can’t decide what to wear (unusual because I don’t plan ahead). (after 10 hours)
I want to laugh at everything hysterically. (after 11 hours)
My daughter (aged 8) said: “We’re all giggling a lot this morning, aren’t we.” I wasn’t aware that we were. I just want to giggle hysterically at everything. It’s hard not to laugh at what anyone says. (after 12 hours)
I’m forgetting loads of things. There’s a meeting tonight at school and I’d completely forgotten. (after 12 hours)
I can’t remember what I’m supposed to be doing.
The geese in the park sounded like they were laughing.
I’m not sure what’s happening this week. I can’t remember how far I’ve got with the case I’m writing up. I don’t know when I’ll be able to finish it in time to see my supervisor on Friday. This makes me want to laugh.
I still want to laugh. Coincidences – felt a lot happening, e.g. Bumped into the same person twice.
Roads seem risky and unpredictable. I didn’t seem to be taking care. If I saw a car coming I’d still cross. (after 13 hours)
Unable to hurry despite big black clouds – walking home from work, thinking it was going to rain. (1st day)
I’m hyper-irritable with children. I snap at my son – he’s quite taken aback. I feel they are bothering me unnecessarily. Why do they need me to help them? (1st day)
Still feel giggly when I’m talking to anyone. (1st day)
All my words are coming out wrong. It’s impossible to say things clearly and correctly. Describing where the pain is in my ribs was almost impossible. I’ve just mixed up various words, e.g. Ernest and elephant (!) When talking about something unrelated. Seems very funny. (1st day)
Can’t think at all what to wear. I think it’s to do with the inability to think and plan ahead. It’s somehow very difficult to do. Yesterday walking home I thought suddenly about the John Lennon song that says “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” (1st day)
I am laughing in totally inappropriate situations. In conversation at work I’m treating things like a joke. I’m worried it might be noticed. (1st day)
Things are getting mixed up, e.g. I put lots of papers in the wrong order without realising. (1st day)
The photocopier jammed. It was very funny! It didn’t seem to matter. (1st day)
Coincidence – walking home there was a man with his arm in a sling. We met another man with his arm in a sling coming the other way.
Feel wide awake at bedtime (Repeated day 18). (after 1st day)
Feel initially wide awake in morning but it doesn’t last. (after 1st day)
TV is VERY funny. I laugh a lot. I think I find it funny normally but not so extreme. (Repeated day 18) (after 2 days)
Feel more awake than usual at bedtime. (after 2 days)
I kept missing out letters from words or writing the wrong letters. (after 2 days)
The park felt dark and menacing, scary. The trees and undergrowth were scary. (after 2 days)
It felt really scary on motorway. It felt like everyone was taking risks. I didn’t like it. (after 2 days)
I didn’t want to wake up. I feel too tired. (after 3 days)
I want to suck my thumb, go into a corner and do nothing. (after 3 days)
I’m really cross with the children. (after 3 days)
I feel if anything goes wrong I might cry. (after 3 days)
I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s hard to motivate myself. (after 3 days)
I want to hide away and not see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. (after 3 days)
Everything is a struggle this morning. (after 3 days)
I can’t think clearly about what I’m supposed to be doing. (after 3 days)
My daughter was really down, she said she felt sad – no reason. She spent 30 minutes just sitting doing nothing (very unusual). (after 3 days)
Another coincidence. 2 people from the past suddenly phoned at the same time. I used to work with both of them. (after 3 days)
I wanted to get away from people, go to bed and sleep forever. (day 3)
Things seem very positive. I feel really good. (day 4)
I’ve got no idea what’s happening next week – I haven’t thought about it at all. (day 4)
I realised I have been thinking about me all the time. I haven’t been interested in anyone else at all. (day 4)
Calm feeling before falling asleep over last three nights. (day 4)
Another coincidence concerning building. (day 4)
Coincidence about slugs – someone says something and it manifests in reality. (day 4)
I feel in control though actually I’m not. It’s not bothering me at all. I feel calm about. (day 4)
Everything felt really good today. I felt motivated to do things. (day 5)
We have an argument about what to have for tea. It makes me want to cry. I also want to sulk. It’s completely trivial but it seems enormous. I think it’s because I don’t want to be disagreed with. How dare he argue with me? I am angry really. (day 5)
I don’t want to write anything. I can’t be bothered. I don’t feel like doing anything. Big blank. (day 5)
I felt that pouring boiling water on my foot might be better than feeling like this.
BIG issues around our relationship. It started very fleetingly about 2 pm when it was all so beautiful and perfect and I just thought he doesn’t love me, that I loved the children enormously but that I needed him and he only needed me by default and that he might become more assertive and leave, though he wouldn’t because of the children. So this was all enormously overwhelmingly depressing, a bit sad but that wasn’t the top feeling. I did feel like crying but I didn’t. I couldn’t talk. I just went to sleep.
The coming few days now seem absolutely overwhelming and complicated. I can’t even think about them, I don’t know what to do. At present I don’t feel able to do anything.
I woke up at 7 because the children were talking. I was FURIOUSLY ANGRY with them. I swore at them and slammed their door. I thought “I can’t face today if it’s going to be like this.”
The next time I woke I felt a bit better.
The time after that I felt a lot better.
I’m scared of feeling as bad as I did last night.
I know I’ve got lots of things to do but I can’t think of what they are, and I certainly can’t imagine when and how to do them. I’m still unable to think ahead properly. (day 6)
I feel like I’m not in the future at all. I can’t plan ahead. The week ahead is full of surprises. It’s very disconcerting. But it’s also really difficult to plan, to work out how I’m going to do things. It’s hard to add up my hours at work and to work out how to fit things together. (day 7)
Last week seems a million years ago. Even yesterday seems very distant. I have think hard how to tie the apron behind my back, something that I usually do automatically. (day 7)
Walking to work, I try to plan the week in my head. Normally I can do this well. I can’t even remember if there’s anything I need to do tonight! It makes me laugh! (day 7)
Basic calculations are impossible, e.g. Hours at work, prices of balloons and helium etc. (day 7)
I’m really bored. I don’t have any enthusiasm for work. It’s a trudge. (day 7)
Things did seem exciting, and now they don’t. (day 7)
Life seems very mundane. The prospect of today and even this week is very unexciting. This could be like an anticlimax feeling. (day 8)
Something about being less in awe of people. I’ve been a bit scared of. A at work until this week. It is as if I now see them with their faults as well, a more true picture, rather than holding them up as something special. I don’t feel they’re better than me anymore, and I don’t think I mind what they think of me (at least not so much!). (day 8)
It’s confusing trying to explain things. Everything gets mixed up. (day 8)
I can still only think about one thing at a time. (day 9)
I felt more empathy with the refugees (Kosovo) on the news. Normally I manage to remain at a distance. (day 9)
Time doesn’t feel quite right still. Hard to say how and why. (day 10)
At teatime K (daughter) asked if this remedy has affected my memory. She said I keep saying ‘I can’t remember’. (day 11)
P (partner) had an interview in Huddersfield today. I didn’t even think about it at all, about the consequences of him getting it or otherwise. This is very unusual. (day 11)
Time is still strange. I’m not aware of the past or future. (day 11)
It’s an effort to think about it. It doesn’t seem like Friday. It doesn’t seem like any day particularly. (day 11)
I felt really calm lying in bed watching the sky and the tree outside. (day 12)
I had to think hard to plan this morning – it was less automatic than usual. (day 12)
I went to a meeting over a weekend with Woodcraft Folk in Derbyshire. When I got home it felt really as if I had not been there. It was very strange. (day 13)
Felt very antisocial, but phone kept ringing at work and I had to communicate.
Time strange – it felt a lifetime since the last college weekend. I could hardly believe I’d only been doing the proving for 2 weeks. Time so slow.
I didn’t want to have to talk to my supervisor (I didn’t really want to talk to anyone). I certainly didn’t want to talk about myself. (day 14)
The future is returning and I don’t like it. It looks gloomy, I’m not looking forward to things. Unenthusiastic about everything. (day 15)
Felt really lonely, quite sad really, as if I hadn’t seen anybody at all for weeks, and that I had nobody to talk to. (day 16)
Morning went really fast, maybe because the last few days have gone slowly. (day 17)
I’m apprehensive about seeing my mother – worried I might have a massive argument. (day 17)
Things felt strange, as if I wasn’t here, as if things weren’t real. I didn’t feel like I was me. (day 18)
Very nervous about visiting my parents. Feels REALLY strange, I don’t feel like I’m here at all. It all feels alien, doesn’t seem real. (day 19)
Felt detached, felt nothing – about a building on a field where I used to look after a pony. I thought it was sad, but I felt nothing. Normally feel nostalgic. Don’t have any attachment. It is very odd. (day 19)
It felt a long time since I last went there. (day 19)
Antisocial, don’t feel like talking to anyone. (day 19)
I wasn’t really here this morning. I started to enjoy it after lunch, I realised it had changed. Definitely > eating – it felt more real then. (day 20)
I thought ‘familiar things feel strange’ – as if I hadn’t been here for a very long time. (day 20)
Feel isolated and in my own world. (day 20)
Still very detached from surroundings. (day 21)
A feeling – really weird to think the woods were there even when there was nobody there. (I don’t usually think things like this!). There was some element of unreality.
Everything seems terribly confused – time and place. Nothing seems real. I don’t know where I am. I feel like I’m in a daze. (day 21)
The proving all seems very distant now, which fits because things seemed very distant during it. (day 28)
K (daughter) made a newspaper with a missing children section, and invented a person called Melissa Assilem. Today the real one came to college. That’s quite strange. (day 28)
Giggly in morning. (day 29)
Disconnected from everything. (day 29)
Terrible. Feeling of proving repeating itself. Wanted to cry, couldn’t all day. Finally cried 5 pm – felt >> for doing so (very unusual). (day 30)
Feels like parallel to week 1 of proving, though less extreme. (day 30)
Car crashes – coincidence (saw 2). (day 30)
Things are awful. Deep sadness all the time. Everything anyone says is getting at me. They’re all rejecting me, I’m totally alone, I can’t shake this off. I want to argue with everyone or not speak at all.
I don’t want things to go on like this. The enjoyment of everything has gone. What is the point? I don’t want to do anything. There is nothing I would like to do. I want to run away, escape, curl up. SAD.
I am no good at anything. Life isn’t worth living. I used to be happy, I’m not now. A lot of things make me want to cry. I don’t want to talk to anyone (but I do as well). I want to change everything about me, I don’t like me at all. (days 31-35)
Repeating every 28 days. Everything is repeating. A remedy for manic depression?! Things today feel great. One extreme to the other. (day 36)
I woke up in a really horrible mood. I want to be nasty to everyone. I want to be alone. I don’t want to do anything. Very sudden onset. Mood > through the day. (day 40)
Within a few seconds of taking first tablet I felt apprehension and slight fear. (1st hour)
I’m surprised at the apprehension I feel. It is quite extraordinary that from feeling happy and relaxed now feel tingling with fear. (after 6 hours)
Feel fearful and apprehensive as if something bad is going to happen. Jack (husband) has already shouted at me for doing this proving. Certainly I haven’t answered back because I don’t want an argument. (day 1)
Feel harder, stronger and less guilty than I’d be normally. Aloof. (day 1)
Feeling quite sad, thinking of Kosovo, and people have been killed. Light-hearted mood gone. (day 1)
I feel anxious. Suddenly my motivation has gone. (day 1)
Feeling dread. (day 1)
Slowness and inertia. Thoughts turned to hell and hell-fire and judgement. Still fearful. Want to escape. (day 1)
Harder and stronger. Uplifted and more emotional than recently. Aloof, sense of distance. Hard and unkind. (day 1)
Husband avoiding me, although the family all had lunch together. I had done the shopping alone and had been to church and enjoyed the spiritual atmosphere and I felt uplifted and more emotional than I have recently been. Though still a sense of distance and aloofness [comment: she feels it was like isolation], I tried to become more involved but I kept drifting away. My mind is much clearer and sharper. I felt I must do the ironing and purposely not iron my husband’s clothes. Rather hard and unkind of me. (day 1)
Feeling calm and clear. (day 1)
Mentally clear and bright, but not on top of world because of work and cold. (day 1)
Got up feeling normal. My husband was furious about my wish to go to church. My reaction was to withdraw, ignore him and think ‘stuff the family! If they want to go without god, I don’t care.’ I felt emotionally colder and less guilty than I would have normally felt. This was more an aloof, couldn’t-care-less feeling. I felt stronger and harder than usual. (day 2)
Busy, rushing around, feeling tired and frayed round the edges. I’ve had to push myself to work hard today. I’ve done everything, but it’s been an effort.
Feeling angry at getting a cold. I don’t want to have a cold, especially as I can’t take my usual cold remedies because of the proving. Angry because I have to work despite cold. (day 2)
After sleep, anxiety and fear seem to be settling. A faraway feeling, then felt more inertia, weighed down and heavy. (day 2)
Feeling brighter, less tired. (day 2)
Everything is taking twice as long to do, I’m not getting anywhere very fast. Such a lot of inertia. (day 3)
Light-hearted and feeling good. I felt I was dancing in my mind, very euphoric, plenty of energy, rearing to go. (day 3)
Mood good. I’d been feeling sorry for myself because of cold but energy is good in the morning, flagging towards afternoon 5pm. (day 3)
Seeing in my imagination flashes of flames and fire. Funny, as there was a mild, white haze over the fields today as I drove to work. Where does the fire come from? It was coming to me unconsciously. (day 4)
Later, had plenty more energy to do paperwork. Mood seems to have been see-sawing from feeling light-hearted and feeling low and sorry for myself. Despite heavy workload feeling spiritually sustained to keep helping and caring. (day 5)
I’m feeling ‘bloody’, my headache has got worse. I’m feeling slightly angry and frustrated because I can’t take an aspirin for my headache. I feel really sorry for myself. I feel I’m a bit of a hypochondriac at the moment, I hate feeling rotten for so long [not usually an hypochondriac]. I’m frustrated, I can’t get on top of this cold. (day 5)
I woke feeling subdued because of my cold. I feel slow and heavy and a bit down. (day 5)
Have felt more determined to sort out my cases, my regular exercise. This is the first time for ages I’ve wanted to go on a long walk. (day 6)
I feel mildly annoyed that the plasterer has not arrived to do the ceiling. (day 6)
I feel strong and resolute and will make a good start on my own cases and on my chores. (day 6)
All anxiety and apprehension have gone. (day 6)
Busy doing my accounts and homoeopathy, shaking off my inertia and lethargy. (day 7)
I feel quite positive. (day 7)
I do feel I’ve had a push, an impetus to get started with this remedy. There has been an inertia in my life especially over the last 6 months since my mother died. I feel I’m moving on now, a gathering of momentum, whereas before everything I did was an effort.
I certainly feel very good. (day 7)
I feel good and positive. Driving towards Hazel Grove, she suddenly had a strange experience. She seemed to see flames over the Derbyshire hills, as if there was a volcano there. Then when she arrived at church, the hymn was all about the fire of the Holy Spirit setting the human heart alight. I feel on top of the world and full of energy. (day 8)
Went to the garden centre and bought bedding plants for patio pots. Spent the afternoon planting pots up in the rain. My daughter watched me from inside, she was amazed I was working in the shower. Mum! Come in! You hate getting wet. [Unusual to go out in the rain and to do hands on gardening work]. Libido normal now. (day 9)
Feel energised. Her husband says she’s more irritable and nagging (about house chores). (day 10)
I still feel positive. Plenty of energy, inner peace and inner glow. (day 11)
I want to decorate the living room in oranges and yellows. Usually I choose muted colours. [Had the urge to decorate for some months, but after remedy found the impetus to get on with it]. I felt a renewed desire to get things done. (day 13)
I had a strong urge to clean patio with a pressure hose. I have never done this before. I got dirty and mud splatted and some mud flew into my eye. Increased libido. (day 15)
I felt driven to get outstanding things done and make a start. (day 16)
Difficulty finding right words (names). Have concept of volcanoes and lava in my head. Maybe way off the beam, but it does fit in with all the fine images and impressions I saw earlier on. (day 20)
I feel on top of things even though I’m only getting 5-6 hours of sleep. Have felt a need for change especially house and garden. I feel more creative than for a long time. (day 21)
Significant bible reading about fire, earth, volcanoes and formation of precious substances within the earth.
On reflecting I feel the remedy has moved me to act on many things I was only thinking about. It has also awakened some creativity in me. I am now actively planning my living room which was only an idea before. Also, reflected it was the first time in 25 years that I’ve done some proper gardening – earth, soil, growing, creating. All new to me. (day 22)
Pre-proving symptom (8th of May):
As I concentrated on the remedy I saw in my inner sight lots of colours – reds and orange and bright lights and fire. Then when I got to Ralf’s house, all the walls were painted orange and it was decorated with little lights and he had candles. I wonder if it was a precognitive experience?
General feeling of well-being all day. A friend recommended a job to me and another a flat for sale. Felt very positive about both things. (Usually pessimistic and I wouldn’t tell anyone about it). Itchy fingers – I want to get on with them. Felt very healthy and happy in myself. No after-work stress or tiredness. Felt annoyed with boss, impatient, but didn’t let it get to me. (1st day)
Feel as if nothing’s bothering me or getting to me. Very calm within. Very busy day at work, rushed straight to see a flat after, but very relaxed and calm about the whole thing. Sorted out my holiday plans that I’d problems with booking accommodation – it seemed so easy. No stress. Can’t wait to get the job application and fill it in. (1st day)
My husband has noticed that I’m a lot ‘cooler’ and that I don’t ‘babble on’ as much! Apparently I was talking less and not dominating the conversation as usual. I’m doing my job and sorting out my life at the same time! Looking into a mortgage, the job application has arrived and I want to get on with it. Still very calm. No anger – normally I’d snap at husband daily, but I haven’t for 3 days now. (2nd day)
Still laid back and positive, but maybe wearing off a bit? Still no anger with husband. Didn’t react as I usually would to a friend badmouthing me – just let it go. Annoyed but didn’t act on it. (4th day)
Still no anger. Very confident in social gathering, being centre of attention and loved it! Very unusual. Driving the car I realised I wasn’t concentrating and was driving very slowly – 20 mph. Had to keep snapping back to reality. Felt as if I shouldn’t be driving the car. (5th day)
Still calmer than usual, but high energy, expressed as restlessness. Felt should exercise but couldn’t be bothered to. Can’t concentrate, get up and walk about every 5 minutes. Found myself wanting to punch things to get the restlessness out. Feels like a positive energy. (6th day)
Still in good happy mood. Relaxed and calm. Still not snapped at partner. I’m finding things I thought I’d lost and in places I thought I’d looked before. (7th day)
Feel like I’m in a world of my own and not with it. It’s taking me longer to do my work. I could sit and stare for ages with no thoughts. Slow and methodical with work instead of slapdash. (NS) Feel as if I have lots of time, not hurried. Doing things slowly, don’t answer people immediately. (8th day)
Convinced it’s Thursday (it’s Wednesday), still very confused and not really with it. 2 others at work also got the day wrong. Attended training course and volunteered to get up in front of everyone – not like me to be so bold. Spent evening by myself in house and felt very happy and at ease which is unusual when on own. Liked being alone. (9th day)
Relaxed on flight to Germany, despite it being the worst flight I’ve ever experienced – circling around in a thunderstorm. Others were crying, but no panicky feelings and didn’t feel as if something bad would happen. (11th day)
Much less worried about things than usual – such as people dying and sister going away. (16th day)
Attended a training course and during break I filled in the silences during group conversation – would normally keep quiet with strangers.
Argued with husband over money matters – normal. Husband has noticed that I am more ‘back to normal’, less relaxed and calm. Much less affected emotionally by things – haven’t cried, e.g. Didn’t cry at E.R., or with a friend who was upset. (17th day)
Overall impression During the proving I felt less stuck in my situation in life, less guilty and aware about abortion, my fear of death and something terrible happening was much less intense. I was far more confident, especially in social situations. I was happy to be on my own. I dealt with things I wouldn’t normally deal with. I wanted more of a challenge and I still feel this way.
Within an hour or two the feeling of unreality started. It feels there’s a gap between me and the world. A dream state almost. (day 1)
Feeling of strangeness. I wanted to leave my work, anything but work. I wanted to go out, get drunk. Did my work as if in a dream. (day 1)
Fine today. All fine today. Everything well today. Everything’s going really well. (day 2)
I started to forget things. Tried to book an appointment with my hairdresser who left 5 years ago. I keep forgetting day to day things. (day 3)
I felt really sentimental. Impatience, anger, weeping. Time doesn’t exist. Playing old records, tears pouring down my face for my old life with the gypsies. Nostalgia for my old life. My old freedoms. (day 4)
Watching videos when I should be working. Couldn’t be bothered to go out as planned. (day 5)
Emotionally unfeeling. Nastily impatient. Emotional coldness. Insulting and angry. Argumentative, refused to discuss it. Couldn’t remember where I parked the car. Feeling physically and emotionally in the arctic: Coldness. (day 6)
Sadness, regretted my anger. (day 7)
Time is a vague entity. Desire to be in a timeless, formless continuum. Time is not my master. Craving for my happy days where there was no time, no urgency, no restrictions. I wanted to go back to those old days. A very strong craving for the old freedoms. (day 8)
Emotionally I feel good, I have calmed down a lot. (day 10)
Dream-like unreality. (day 12)
I’m reliving old relationships and habits. Going back over things I’d done to people. Looking at themes from an objective point of view. Feeling afraid of permanent relationships. Remembering past events. On the outside looking in. Detached. A period of reflection, almost like therapy. Paralysing fear of losing love. Unusual feeling of fear. (day 14)
Things of the past. Thinking about my childhood. A deep bring out. Observing things about myself with detachment. (day 15)
Feeling good and clear, accepting of old issues. Waiting to see, accepting. (day 16)
Accident. Had bike accident while cycling home (took Arnica 4 times 200c, then 1M). Not knowing what to do with my relationships. They can look after themselves, it’s me I have to decide for. Clear now, unreality gone. (day 17)
Felt calmer, less stressed, less irritable with children. Better self esteem. Feel more solid and equal in dealing with people. More confident.
At bedtime images of colours, crystals, moving lights, bubbling and water falling into each other. Used to have it as a child. (day 1)
Highly stressed, as normal. In a group where I teach I let them lead, the students, and I wanted to be a group member, not a leader. (day 1)
Much calmer and kinder with the children. Benevolent and loving towards them. Not rushing to get ready like usual. Girlish feeling. Excited as if something good is going to happen. Empathising, sympathetic with others. Cried with them. [note: This continued throughout the proving]. Driving the car, felt disorientated. Nice floaty feeling. Accompanied by headache and sore eyes. After 15 minutes of driving felt like I was driving too close to the ground. (day 2)
While cleaning (which I decided to do and is rare and unusual) the cupboards felt dizzy and clumsy; knocked over things (with back of my eyes sore). With sensation of being taller than normal – only lasted half a minute. The ground looked far away. (day 2)
Strong urge to be creative. Crystals seemed glorious and magical to look at. A girlish sense of wonder and visual delight. More sensitive to colours and light of crystals. Wanted to play with the children. Intoxicated with the absence of worries, floaty and happy. Didn’t want the pressure of doing things for others out of politeness. Wanted to be with my children (At other times I would be polite and stressful). Wanted to take pressure and stress out of myself and my family. Realised how much pressure I’ve been putting myself and the children under. [note: This continued through the proving increasing in intensity]. I strongly want the house very tidy (more so than normal) and will tidy now. (day 2)
The same continued desire to be relaxed and alone with the children. I am slowing down. I feel a bit floppy today – don’t feel like making much of an effort with people like I normally do.
The answer phone is full of messages and I’m normally diligent about trying to get back top people soon. I don’t want to feel under pressure to do this.
Feel like I’ve put myself under too much pressure to maintain social contacts, friendships. I just want to relax and take my time. I’m slowing down – in less of a rush, mentally and physically.
Had great fun playing with the kids for an hour. Horseplay, rough and tumble – don’t usually let myself go like this with them. I was giggling and laughing with them. Feels free and relaxed. Had arranged to take some friends to a small social gathering in Todmordon. The kid’s dad didn’t turn up to see them as arranged and normally I’d be in a state of anxiety and rage (because I’d arranged to go out), but I was very calm, not angry, not too stressed and took the children with me (which wasn’t ideal but ok).
At the small party I was MUCH more at ease than normal in this situation – felt no desire to impress or fit in – was just myself. When it was 3 of us left at the end I even farted loudly and laughed at it!
The brake shoes of my car have gone which meant I had to drive very slowly. It forced me to slow down as I normally zip everywhere in a rush. (day 3)
Relaxed like on holiday. I want the house to be tidy, but I’m not anxiously doing it in a rush as before, just calmly, steadily. I want to feel like this all the time. Still on top of things, not neglectful, just relaxed. I hope this remedy lasts! (day 4)
Dread the thought of going to work on Wednesday to lead the singing workshop again. Don’t want to do it – would rather go to someone else’s workshop, feel slightly inadequate to lead. Conversely, looked forward to doing my other work – writing music for adverts etc. Creating something from nothing. Feel good about my relationship with my co-writer (after feeling insecure for a few months). Feel like I’ve got more to contribute. (day 5)
I’m less anxious and pressurised – very markedly so. Don’t think I’ve ever felt his way. (day 6)
More relaxed round friends than usual. Feel closer to them and more at ease. (day 9)
Painted a room purple and green and turquoise. Desire for these colours. Feel generally more mentally/emotionally flexible than before, less rigid. Can adapt more to changes in plans etc. (day 11)
Took kids to fair. Felix scared of going down big bouncy slide so I took my shoes off and joined him. Had a whale of a time. Would normally be too inhibited to do this. Again, reminded me of girlhood.
Pretty calm even though car broke down on way to Liverpool and I was late. (day 12)
Sense of perspective on my own life – feeling of being a small drop in big interconnected ocean and how short life is, how unimportant the self is. Positive feeling. Acceptance of what I can’t change, patience, not struggling, but waiting until time is right. [Big improvement]. (day 13)
Increased ability of becoming absorbed in the task at hand. Increased ability to fully concentrate, rather than give something partial attention. (day 14)
Another excellent day with co-writer. Met lots of big-shot directors and don’t feel fazed – felt equal, valid and confident with the music we’d delivered them. Again, it felt almost dangerous to let my mind wander as I’d have to be called back almost. It’s like my mind is totally focussed 100% on whatever, i.e. better focus. Entering into thoughts more fully and deeply, not half-heartedly or absently.
Really enjoyed singing workshop. Gave talk at start about focus and not chattering etc. Felt affectionate towards them all. (day 15)
Lovely day. Went out with my ex for his birthday. Enjoyed his and others’ company – again, more at ease. Had fun, because more at ease with myself. (day 16)
Have agreed to be ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ at the Trafford Centre tomorrow for £80! Have to wear a huge furry costume and play ‘Puff’ on the melodica. I’d like to blame this freak occurrence on the remedy. It’s not the sort of thing I do! Did it out of a sense of ‘Ah, what the hell!’ ‘I only live once’, ‘it’ll be a laugh’ etc. I’m definitely less rigid and more spontaneous than before. Less critical of self and others. Bought fish tank and fish for children. Spent time watching the colours glinting in the water and the light. (day 17)
Had a fabulous time being ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’. Really enjoyed making kids happy, cuddling them, pretending to be shy when they were etc. Totally got into character and want to do it again.
Relaxing day in Wales with ex’s parents and the kids. Most at ease I’ve ever felt with my ex’s ‘outlaws’. Relaxed, was myself, talked openly with ex-mother’s outlaw. (day 18)
Drifted off watching my 3 fish for half an hour tonight – totally captivated by fish land. I don’t normally allow myself this kind of reverie – not since I was a girl. Beautiful colours, shapes, glistening in the water. Had great time with my kids as is now usual. I’m much more fun, less naggy and take great pleasure in their company. (day 19)
Perception odd again – couldn’t judge distance whilst driving but felt calm and floaty. (day 23)
Confusion. Light-headedness. (day 1)
Felt very irritable for no particular reason; this feeling persisted all evening. (day 5)
Feelings of great loneliness – evening. Felt listless, could not motivate myself. (day 10)
Felt spacy, vacant and divorced from reality. (day 12)
Feeling of spaciness, removed from reality all day. (day 20)
Lethargic all day. Felt lonely and unaccountably fearful with apprehension – could not relate this to anything specific. (Alone in house but wouldn’t normally feel like this). (day 22)
Feeling of dizziness and confusion. (day 32)
Found it difficult to listen to what people were saying. Had to concentrate hard. Felt a sense of unreality and distance between them and me. (day 1)
Decided to express an opinion and remember feeling that I was not bothered what other people would feel about me saying this – didn’t care about their opinion. (day 1)
Driving home I had to really concentrate to keep the care between the white lines when driving – I still kept going over them. (day 1)
As I was driving alone, suddenly I became aware of a bike in my field of vision and feared that I would have an accident. (day 1)
I tidied up before I went to work and cleaned the bathroom when I came home from work – this was highly unusual. I don’t seem to be bothered about things that I would normally have been – even at work, I was the same. (day 1)
I’m still not bothered about things which is unusual for me. (day 3)
I can’t be bothered doing anything. Feeling of anxiety in solar plexus area. Can’t be bothered. (day 4)
More frequent feelings of anxiety. I’m normally a very responsible person, a bit over conscientious – it was a friend’s birthday party and I couldn’t be bothered to send her a card. Wish to avoid my responsibilities and commitments. Friend did not ring to go out as arranged, but was relieved because I didn’t feel very sociable, low in enthusiasm. (NS) (day 5)
Feel as though I want to cut myself off from people. Lacking interest and enjoyment. Feel unenthusiastic. (day 6)
Anxious about situation at work – in pit of stomach. Feel better in company. (day 7)
Very worried. Feeling of doom. Restless. (day 15)
Any noise irritates. Irritated by interruptions. (day 17)
Not getting a lot achieved. Involvement with others feel blunted. Feel better in company. (day 19)
No drive or enthusiasm – no highs or lows. Emotions blunted. (day 20)
Irritated by interruptions. Find it hard to finish, complete things. (day 21)
Finding it hard to be motivated to do any work – requires too much effort. Feel I want to run away from my responsibilities. (day 23)
Was quite lazy during morning. Gloomy thoughts about the future (re arthritis). That I will have more and more pain. (day 1)
When everybody was out of the house I cried nearly the whole morning (except when shopping). Dead end feeling. Did everything in slow motion (not had this sx since hysterectomy in Jan. 98). Lunch late (unusual). (Had crying spells in 91/92). I like to keep quiet (helps arm). (day 4)
Cleaned cupboard despite pain – very satisfying! (day 5)
Feel quiet and relaxed. (day 8)
Anxiety about future (unusual in the last 2 years). (day 14)
Aware of other people’s anger. Aware of own anger in past. Briefly aggressive – noisy, wanted to make noise. Anger: Why can’t I have what I want? (RS) Mistakes in my times. (day 1)
Felt battered like a punch bag. Tired. Wrung out. World a difficult place to negotiate. Disconnected. ‘Should I join a community’? (day 1)
Don’t want to work at all. Enjoying home. Fond memories of being a housewife. Conflict between spiritual and material life. Spiritual need pull me one way, material need pull me the other way.
Enjoyed gardening, cleaning, decorating, reading – wanted to stay at home. (day 1)
Incredulous that people couldn’t understand what seemed to me a very simple task. Irritable at being interrupted. Grumpy. Not irritated where others were irritated. Cosy at home. Feeling lots of love. Walking. Standing. Oozing. Soup of love. Not irritated where normally irritated. (day 2)
Generally feeling in the right place. Grounded. Secure. Happy at home. Immersed in my reality. Sai closer to the ground. Vixen in garden – I felt I knew her and can relate to her communication. Urge to sort out difficult situation with teacher. Know how to go about it. Knew I didn’t want to be angry, although I felt angry. Knew anger wouldn’t help. Certainty about what to do and what not to do. Compassion for teacher. Calm, peaceful, content. Heart full of love and compassion. Crying at a song of hope. Let myself cry. Cried at family reunion on TV. Passionate about children – maternal. Passionate about the need for the world to operate and communicate in a different, more healthy and more nourishing way. Feel connected to ground. Ground like my bed. I love my bed. (day 3)
Anxiety to be away from home. Lost. Anxiety about having basic needs met, e.g. Food, warmth. Focus on anger. Having been a little concerned about my son after speaking to his teacher yesterday. His teacher is on the verge of a nervous breakdown I would say. This is not a good atmosphere for my son to be in and I’m not happy about it, but can’t do anything at the moment. The teacher is very angry with everyone and everything. I was peaceful and non-confrontational with him, but still he ranted and raved. It was interesting to be in the presence of someone so out of control and not be affected by it. I seem to have been witness to a lot of anger this week and have seen how futile it can be if not channelled effectively. Not worried about lack of work. Indifferent. I didn’t care because I didn’t want to work, I just wanted to be at home. Feel lucky and blessed (to do with children). Grounded. Maternal. Feel I can integrate spirituality into motherhood. No separation. (day 4)
Aware of noises. Nice and pleasant to be aware. (day 5)
Warm connection to be with others. Connected (was in an ashram). (day 6)
Difficulty reconnecting with home. Disjointed Mismatched. Can’t be bothered to write things down. (day 7)
Apathy regards work. Indifference. Lost all anxieties about earning a living (not good). (see Goddesses cards – Compassion – home – sensuality – home -beauty).
Determined to make work pattern for self nourishing (to do it more on my term rather than on other people’s terms, to stop compromising).
Found it really hard to focus my mind this morning. Have got loads to do because of the camp this weekend. I’m feeling pressured by it and a little insecure about my abilities to do the things I am in charge of. Have also been feeling irritable, particularly with the kids. They ask such silly questions sometimes and it’s an effort for me to get onto their wavelength. Apathy about work. Dissatisfaction with self and proving. ‘I must buck my ideas up.’ (day 9)
Too external in my focus. Moving inwards, more introspective. (day 10)
I feel as if I’m able to see through many of the concepts that we use in everyday life, and have an extremely broad perspective on society as a whole. Feels good. I feel I understand a lot more than usual. This makes it difficult to join in with others, because I can’t find a point at which to meet them in interaction. It feels like watching a colony of ants in a wildlife programme. It’s as if I can see a lot further beyond what is happening in the moment. (day 12)
Impression as if everyone is moving too fast, and is not thoughtful enough. Very able to connect with myself, not getting lost in all the outside activity. Stayed centred and relaxed most of the time.
Feels cemented together. Sees through concepts. Why are they behaving in these ways? Seems to understand it. Feels isolated. Different. As if operating in a different frame of reference and understanding. As she stays with her centre, unlikely people come and talk to her in more meaningful ways, then feels less lost and isolated. They came into her things, not her into theirs.
More wanting to be with self than getting lost in others’ stuff. Men: As to how men feel she can look straight through, feel intimidated by that. Feels more able to challenge men, to be herself. Stands her ground more assertively. (day 17)
Everyone moving too fast in their minds, missing the point of things. I wish everyone would slow down a bit. Feels like there is too much of everything. This is the downside of having such a broad perspective. I had to repeat several conversations to people who had the conversations. Too much of everything. Wanted to be an a desert island. Didn’t feel like communicating. Wanted to escape from this too much. Lost touch with heart centre. House felt like it is in a real mess. Felt like being taken over by refugees. Stuff everywhere. Wanted to smoke. Eat chocolate. (day 19)
Have found college very difficult this weekend. Thought yesterday that my apathy was about tiredness but find it’s here today too. Woke this morning feeling exhausted. Am now feeling that this is more than just recovering from camping. Wondered this morning if it might be about eating chocolate again and so have resolved to stop again. Have satisfied my sweet tooth with fruit today. Got into a horrible situation with a friend today. She became very aggressive during a conversation which confused, surprised and hurt me. I guess we were having two different conversations. I wanted to leave but couldn’t bring myself to go. Went home at lunch time which felt good. I felt isolated in the group and attacked by her. It feels like I was seeing something beyond what she was saying which she couldn’t see. She felt attacked by me too, apparently. I still feel confused by it but at lunch time it occurred to me that it may be the downside of feeling I can see the broad perspective. I was trying to communicate about the broader perspective but she wasn’t so we didn’t meet. She felt attacked because my focus was on her rather than the events she was describing. I felt attacked because she reacted angrily to my approach which was well intentioned. We spoke later and both apologised so it feels okish but I felt very vulnerable for some time. Feel hurt and tired now. Want to be alone. Don’t want to have to be, or do or say anything. Listening to music – that feels very good. I wish I didn’t speak out so much. Wish I could just shut up and be one of the silent participants. It feels much safer. I feel very judged – like a piece of meat being picked over by predators. Just there to serve everyone else’s needs – like they feed on me. I don’t like it. Makes me cry and feel very alone and uncared for. Didn’t like the way everyone seemed to use the proving as an excuse to relinquish responsibility for their actions. All on a cosmic day trip. It feels like some kind of exploitation to me. Exploitation of homoeopathy and to serve people’s desires for the muddiness of life without them needing to take their boots off. And then – I think it must be being very arrogant. I wish I could be a nice person who just keeps quiet unless they have something nice to say. There is a strong anger inside me about this but I can’t be bothered to unearth it as it feels a futile waste of time. (day 20)
More connected, wants to be at home. (day 29)
Feel alert, not worrying about anything. Did not want to bother listening to Pete’s crap. I felt really playful and sexual in the dream. Having fun felt wild carefree, desired and quite powerful.
Don’t get out of bed until 10am – feel very alert. Don’t feel like going outside.
Felt very paranoid, vulnerable, scared I was going to be attacked. Horrible. Walking fast. My eyes feel really big. Worse after shopping when it was darker. Drove home different route. Felt something bad was going to happen. (day 1)
Finding things funny eg my kids.
Did a presentation today at work. Did not feel at all anxious. – would usually be in a pretty distressed state. (day 2)
I am concerned that I have done absolutely no work on my homeopathy since I took Rx. I’ve got a patient tomorrow and I haven’t read my notes and have no inclination to do so. I feel like it will be fine, I don’t need to worry but I know I should be doing my preparation ready to see her. (day 3)
On way back had very strong conviction that I was going to have a crash and Daisy would be killed. Very distracted, didn’t care what was going on, was totally unfocussed. Feel like I can’t think. Everyone at the meeting was down – unusual energy. Usually I would discuss this and find out what was wrong – didn’t – wasn’t bothered. (day 4)
Took remedy laughing & joking, not concentrating. Want to take another dose. (after 5 hours)
Cleared up the house because wanted it tidy – normally would do it because I should (after 9 hours (day 1)
Distinct lack of enthusiasm on part of prover and supervisor for arranging to talk symptoms. Neither bothered to rearrange a time missed. It doesn’t matter, it’ll be okay to do it tomorrow, is the feeling. No guilt or panic. (day 5)Saw beautiful, carrot coloured, hazy light in the sky. (Moon.) (day 5)
Earlier today again had sense of someone being somewhere other than where she was. Like sense has gone a bit wrong. It’s ok most of the time, but occasionally gives me a false message. (day 11)
Walk to school felt like it would never end. Walk back almost didn’t! Took AGES!!! (day 13)
She told me this, and said something about me being invisible. (day 13)
Twice today someone started to change lane in front of me, without indicating, just as if I wasn’t there. Reminded me of invisibility, which came into proving straight away, c/o Ralf, when he said I hadn’t been at the proving meeting! (day 13)
She said she’d been looking out for me at school, but hasn’t seen me (invisible). Also, partner had answered ‘phone to her and had said he didn’t know if I was even in the house. She told me this, and said something about me being invisible. (day 14)
This feeling is real too – normally if I have three essays outstanding I panic but I’m not now – just did one. (day 16)
While at festival (during the day) a couple of times had queuing incidents and managed to feel invisible again. Once was behind someone who wasn’t even in a queue – would have thought they’d sense someone was waiting behind them and tell you they’re not in the queue. When I was actually in a queue a lad come in front of me – I said I’m in the queue! Same in next queue – woman served the person behind me – hello! Excuse me! Am I invisible! Am I not here! (indignant) (day 17)
Headache on left side. Frontal region. < Coughing. < Bending. In evening. (day 7)
Headache. Boring and constricting over left eye (directly over eyeball).
> Holding head in hands.
> Closing eyes.
> Cold compresses.
> Covering head with bedclothes.
Pain – very acute – boring into left eye – extending down left side of face to teeth and jaw. Pain unbearable. (day 1)
Headache – sudden onset all afternoon – very acute. As if a tight band all round forehead; radiating down to both jaws (lasted two hours). (day 62)
Boring pain in the left and then right occiput – transient. Head started to feel itchy – relieved by scratching. (day 1)
Pain in head – temple area. (day 23)
Hot feeling at the head of head. (After 6.30pm). Mild frontal lobe headache – lasted 1 and a half hours. (After 6.30pm). Headache at the top of head. Head feel hot. > Kneeling forward with back and head horizontal, supporting the right side of my head with my palm. (day 1)
Floating-up sensation with sense of slight pressure. Full feeling in head, slightly hot. > Kneeling forward with back and head horizontal, supporting the head with my palm.
Frontal lobe headache, sore at the back of eyes. Accompanied by feeling of disorientation. (day 2)
Slight pulling up sensation at the top of head. (day 4)
Top of head – pulling up sensation and slight pressure (not headache). Started at 7pm. Swaying head from side to side. Dizziness < Standing. (day 19)
Headache – severe pain across the whole forehead ‘like a wave’ – it lasted 5 minutes, then returned later but less severe. (day 15)
Migraine like headache – behind the eyes inside the sockets [where the cool feeling had been before]. (day 4)
Headache. (day 7)
Low grade headache all day. (day 12)
What is surprising is that I had no headaches at all last week. (day 7)
Headache – went very suddenly by 8pm (very unusual). (day 14)
Headache on waking in very centre of forehead – it lasted an hour (very unusual). (day 18)
Slight tingling and muzziness in head. My head has been mildly swimming and dizzy with a faraway feeling. It was not vertigo, it was a not-grounded feeling. Head is clear today. (day 1)
Mild discomfort over right eye, not a proper headache. (day 4)
Headache worse. Aching middle of forehead between temples. No visual disturbance, no nausea, no relief, no throbbing. Central, not one-sided as my headaches usually are. Head heavy but no headache (in evening). (day 5)
Heavy feeling in head all day, rather sinusy but no actual headache. Head started to ache like yesterday. Milder, general heaviness and tiredness in head. Left occiput into head, shooting pains into head. Lasted seconds only. < Bending down and moving head from side to side. Lasted approximately 2 hours, better following morning. Head clear. (day 6)
Pain – like band around head. Dull weight pressing down on head. (day 1)
Congested feeling. Pressing sensation. Sai cap an head. Buzzing in head, accompanied by slight vertigo. Congestion. Tingling in occiput, moving from back to front. Upward pressure in head.
Symptoms more on left side. ‘Heavy’ head.
Pressive headaches. Mainly left.
Hot in head.
Congestion in head. (day 1)
Congestion in head still there. Head symptoms develop into bursting headaches. (day 3)
Still head symptoms – in occiput more than anywhere else. (day 4)
Sharp pain in head, like left before, but this time right side. (day 6)
Headaches intensified. Bursting. Bursting in temples. Sharp headaches. Heavy head. Mainly occiput. Both sides. Want to press it. (day 8)
Sharp pain. More left again. (day 12)
Pressure along top of brow pressing down. Not really painful but noticeable. Didn’t do anything to relieve symptoms. (day 1)
Strange sensation on top of my head. Feels like something is trapped in my hair and flapping its wings trying to get out. Feels like a butterfly. Sensation stops if I rub my scalp but returns straight away afterwards on the right side top of my head. (day 16)
Sensation of something in my hair/scalp is till there when I wake up. (day 17)
Headache across top of brow pressure down. (day 18)
Pressure on eyes from above. (day 1)
Dry eyes. (day 8)
Eyes heavy and tired. > Closing. (like a cold). (day 1)
Had to force myself to focus my eyes when driving. Eyes not properly focused. (day 1)
Photophobia. Sensitive to light (++). Light made headaches <. (day 1)
The park is greener. (day 1)
Everything seemed bright in park. (day 1)
Sensation as if eyes cool; clear behind and around eyes (pleasant). Eyes felt loose and relaxed. (day 1)
Eyes feel decidedly cold. Inside. Around eyeball. Feels must blink to counteract the coldness. Air touching eyeball feels really cold. (day 1)
Eyes sore as if looked at something for a long time. > Pressing them hard. (day 7)
Eyes feel ‘swimming’, odd. Don’t want to focus them. Want to let them relax and be unfocused. (day 2)
Corner of right eye itchy.
Eyes feel really big, sockets feel big like saucers – feel like someone has punched me in both eyes.
There’s been lots of earwax in my left ear, loads of it. When I lay down it felt there was something moving inside my left ear and there was a lot more wax again. (day 4)
It feels like something’s moving inside my left ear. It tickles. I want to get it out, but there’s nothing apparently there. There is no wax or anything today. (day 7)
Stabbing pain left ear. (day 1)
Sharp sensation – left ear. (day 2)
Sharp pain – left ear. (day 3)
Right ear blocked. > Getting up, but was blocked on and off through the day. > Motion. Blocked several times during the day. (day 19)
Ear blocked on waking. (day 20)
Right ear blocked on waking. (day 21)
Ringing in left ear for about 30 seconds. (day 5)
Very sensitive to noise. (day 17)
Hypersensitive to sound (++). Could hear match on shelf ticking loudly 3 feet away (prover is deaf in one ear). (day 1)
Remains hypersensitive to sound. Eating toast (gently) sounded thunderous in own head. Felt loud and unpleasant. (day 1)
Ringing in left ear – as if been to a concert – but no reason for it. Lasted a few seconds. (day 2)
Sharp pain in right ear, radiating to throat. < Burping. (day 1)
Spot in left ear – lasted one week – became irritable. (day 7)
Ears sore < Blowing nose. (day 9)
Pain in left ear – outer ear (where I clean with cotton buds) shooting, sharp –feels very hot and blocked. Lasted approximately 10 minutes. Kept sticking finger in – felt cold and soothing.
Ears blocked won’t pop.
Pain in right ear. Stabbing for a few minutes. Ear hot lasted approx 20 minutes.
Pain right ear stabbing.
Somatized feeling of clarity gone down to nose. Breathing easier. (day 1)
Some nasal congestion. (day 2)
I have been sneezing quite a bit. (day 3)
Sneezing a lot. (day 4)
Nasal irritation. (day 6)
Nasal irritation continues. (day 7)
Irritation in left nostril. (day 8)
Irritation in nose. (day 9)
Sinus irritated. (day 10)
Sinus irritated. (day 11)
Sneezing. (day 12)
Nasal irritation left side. (day 13)
Irritation in nose. (day 16)
Left sided nasal irritation. (day 18)
Irritated nostril. (day 23)
Sneezed twice, ‘runny nose’. I don’t feel I’m getting a cold. (immediately after taking remedy)
Nose aching, nose watery, especially right nostril. Back of nose aching. Discharge clear, colourless, slightly acrid. (day 1)
Right nostril painful, clear discharge. (day 2)
Right nostril blocked. Right nostril discharge, catarrh yellowy and thicker, but not stringy. (day 2)
Plenty of clear mucus and a few sneezes. This cold is different to usual. Have missed out on the streaming stage, where eyes and nose stream and gone straight to slightly drier stage. (day 3)
Cold seems to be getting better. Left nostril blocked this morning, nose a bit runny, clear mucus. Right nostril sore on outside. (day 4)
Cold became worse and I’m sniffing with clear, runny discharge. Blockage from side to side < stuffy room, > walking. > Hot drinks. > Fresh air. [All this is normal for me]. Nose red and sore. (day 4)
Right nose stuffy. (day 4)
Nose dripping, sore from blowing. Right sided red spot on bridge of nose. Left nostril also dripping water fluid. (day 5)
Nose dry. Left nostril blocked, started to water after 10 minutes. Red spot still on nose. (day 5)
Nose clear, blowing clear mucus, improving. No pain. (day 6)
Nose dry and clear on awakening this morning. Mild catarrh but mucus clear. (day 6)
Cold very much better. Still blow nose every 2 hours, clear mucus, nothing else. (day 8)
Awoke with blocked right nostril, catarrh (++) yellow mucus and sticky. Lasted till lunch time. No pain. (day 9)
Catarrh much better, nose clearer. Nose feel fine but yellow catarrh, sticky and thick still there. (Catarrh alternating between clear and sticky). (day 10)
Catarrh better, nose clear. Catarrh alternating between clear in morning, yellow and thick in evening. (day 11)
Left nostril hot, congested, irritated. Sinus area and forehead hot. (immediately after remedy)
Snotty. Feeling like having a cold. Mucus clear. (day 2)
Congestion. Blocked. Seized up. Solidly blocked. [before and during proving]. (day 8)
The kitchen smells of wood and oranges. (immediately after remedy)
Smells are really strong – loads of smells around. (day 1)
Definitely feel sensitive to smells. (day 1)
I smell terrible. Not sure if it’s me or my nose. (day 1)
Definitely sneezing more than usual. (day 1)
Even tea bags smell unpleasant. (day 1)
Even fresh bread smells horrible. The smell of tarmac is making me a bit sick. (day 1)
Smells are OVERPOWERING. It’s really unpleasant. Flowers in gardens, cars, food, people’s perfumes. I can even smell their soap. I felt fed up with it. (day 2)
I didn’t sneeze at all today at breakfast. (very unusual). (day 2)
Partner complaining of something very smelly in the fridge that he could smell upstairs. (day 4)
Sneezing 5 times in a row (very rare). (day 5)
I’ve hardly sneezed at all since taking the remedy. (I usually sneeze a lot in the morning). Today is more normal. (day 8)
Sneezing. Discharge clear, white. (day 8)
My nose has felt sensitive today, sort of as if I’m going to sneeze when I’m not. Also a lot of catarrh. (day 9)
Lots of catarrh – all left sided. In morning. (day 16)
Lots of discharge from nose = clear. Sneezing – voice hoarse
Have had a broken night’s sleep as I’ve had a blocked nose and had to keep blowing it.(all marked as acute)
Nose very runny, thick yellow, blowing nose all day.
Nose still runny, thick yellow, sore red itchy nostrils.
Thick yellow nose – not running – only comes when blow. Have to clear nose all day. Copious – doesn’t seem to have an end.
Eruption, dry, scaly at the margin of hair on forehead, spread during the proving to the rest of the forehead, especially to the right temple, left upper forehead and in a central line coming down middle of forehead to the nose. (day 5)
This spread from side of nose to corners of mouth. (day 7)
Spots < . Now on chin too (had them as teenager). (day 11
My face is burning. It feels very hot, internally and externally. It looks perhaps faintly red in the mirror. It feels hotter than it looks. (day 4)
Friend said my face looked thin. (day 13)
Spot on chin, slightly right of centre. Sore (unusual). (day 41)
Sweaty on face and neck. (day 3)
Fairly flushed in face, hot cheeks, cheeks hot to touch, face looked red. (day 1)
Tiny patches of dry skin on forehead – picked at it and it scabbed over. (day 7)
Cured symptom: Clicking and sticking jaw.
Jaw bone and left side of face hot and prickly.
Itchy around mouth.
Cheeks tingling inside and out.
Noticed itching yesterday – also hard small white spots on cheeks – one left, one right.
Ulcer on base of tongue – right side. (day 10
I had a tingling sensation in front of the mouth. (immediately after remedy)
Strong metallic taste in front of mouth. (after 1 hour)
Pain in left lower molar teeth – cannot chew on left side. (like 2 years ago) Dentist NAD. (day 16
Toothache back left side. Cutting pains < after dinner. Continuous. Not affected by chewing. (day 15)
In afternoon toothache back, not continuous. (day 16
Coldness of both lips, feeling like eating a peppermint. (NS) (immediately after taking remedy)
Heaviness (slight) in lower jaw. (NS) (immediately after taking remedy)
Tingling more pronounced, heaviness in jaw is coming back. A feeling like I get before feeling sick and wanting to vomit. (immediately after taking remedy)
My sandwiches taste disgusting. (day 1)
Funny taste in mouth for several hours. Sort of cheesy taste. (day 1)
Cheesy taste all evening again. (day 2)
Things taste really intense again. Yoghurt very creamy. (day 2)
Horrible taste in mouth. (day 30)
Lots of things going on in my mouth. Felt a tingling which started at tip of my tongue and then spiralled through mouth. Felt numb, cotton woolly like I’d felt before when I had cocaine.
Anxiety in pit of stomach. Feels flustered. Churning feeling. (within 1 hour of taking remedy)
Feel nausea. (Sac Lac tastes really sweet after third dose). (day 3)
Sensation of cold moved from throat to diaphragm. (day 3)
Stomach feels unsettled. Churning. Nausea. Feels cold – want to rub stomach to sleep. (day 6)
Feel hungry and can eat but feel sick. Anxiety in stomach. (day 7)
No thirst – very unusual. (NS) (immediately after taking remedy)
No thirst again. (day 1)
Not hungry at all – very unusual. Still no appetite, easily satisfied. Desiring sweets and chocolate. Ate something for the sake of eating, not out of hunger, and felt sick afterwards. (day 2)
Still small appetite and easily satisfied. Much less thirst for water than usual. (day 4)
Ate two slices of chocolate cake – horrible cheap stuff which I wouldn’t usually touch with a barge pole. Felt nauseous afterwards. (day 5)
Still wanting tea. Still feeling sick after eating. I can’t eat as much as I used to. (day 6)
No thirst with diarrhoea. (day 8)
No thirst despite very hot weather. (day 14)
Slight feeling of nausea. (day 1)
Nauseated (++). Wanted to vomit but couldn’t. Stomach churning – audibly noisy-gurgling. (day 1)
Feeling of nausea caused by build up of flatus in stomach. Unable to bring up wind. > after evening meal. (day 2)
Pressure in stomach with griping ache. Sai bad beer fermenting in stomach. Unable to bring up wind. (day 3)
Stomach tightness persists despite bringing up wind, i.e. burping. (day 3)
Feeling of tightness from level of stomach to epiglottis. (day 3)
Still have sensation of tightness. (day 3)
Tightness worse and < movement. (day 4)
Tightness increased all morning. Improved after meal. Now able to pass wind. (day 5)
Sensation of gastric fullness persists. (day 6)
Stomach tightness > after cycling. (day 7)
Tightness returns, concomitant diarrhoea. (day 8)
Tightness and trapped wind/ extends to chest. (day 21)
Feeling of fullness/discomfort returned. Trapped wind – unable to release. (days 31 and 32)
Tightness, trapped wind. (day 52)
I have not been wanting to eat. I have lost my appetite. (day 3)
Anxiety felt in solar plexus. Churning feeling in stomach. (day 4)
Thirstier during the day. (day 7)
Thirsty all day. (day 14)
Rumbling in stomach. Feeling of emptiness accompanied by feeling of dread. (NS) (immediately after taking remedy)
Had a light meal but even my food feels heavy in my stomach. (NS) (after 2 hours)
Very bloated after curry. Full of indigestion and blown up and uncomfortable. (day 3)
Eating healthily. Have made vegetable soups, fat-free stir fries, loads of fruit because I’m on a diet, which I began when proving started. Today ate ginger and chocolate cake made by my daughter. Craving something sweet for comfort. (day 4)
Ate a healthy meal of baked potatoes, green beans, gutted mini tomatoes and an apple and slice of ginger and chocolate pudding. I felt better for eating. (day 5)
Appetite is good. Had baked potato with vegetable ratatouille and cabbage and felt this was satisfying as I’m still on my diet. (day 8)
Have managed to keep to my diet of fruit and veg and pasta, only ate two plain biscuits, resisted choc bar. (day 9)
Nausea after having eaten cake. (day 9)
I feel a bit sick, but I know I’m hungry. My sandwiches taste disgusting. (day 1)
Walking home I felt sick. (day 1)
Walking into house I felt sick << smell of soda bread. (day 1)
Nausea has completely gone. (day 1)
Hungry but don’t feel like eating anything. (day 1)
I’m hungry but I really don’t fancy my dinner. I want to eat but don’t know what. (day 1)
I’m definitely more thirsty than usual. I’ve gone off sweet things. I like fruit more than other food.
The smell of tarmac is making me feel a bit sick. (day 1)
I’m definitely eating less. (day 2)
I feel really sick. I don’t feel at all hungry, though I must be. I want oranges to eat. Juicy food esp. Fruit. Still very thirsty. (day 2)
Even tea doesn’t taste right. (day 2)
When I start to eat it isn’t as bad as I thought – I felt more hungry once I started. (day 3)
Sick and dizzy. Nausea > eating. (day 3)
I felt really sick at 2.20 am. I had to lie on my back. It felt < lying on my front. [repeated on day 18]. (day 5)
I started to feel nauseous about 2.30 pm – no reason I could think of. It lasted on and off for 2-3 hours. I thought it was interesting that it was 12 hours since I felt sick in the night. (day 5)
I started feeling sick around 3.30 pm, but less so than yesterday. (day 6)
I’m not as noticeably hungry as usual. (day 12)
Not at all hungry. > Eating. Had to force myself to eat. (day 18)
Still off sweet things, bread, potatoes (struggle to eat them). (day 28)
Still not very hungry. Appetite still not quite right. (days 38-39)
More desire for chocolate. Better tolerance to cold drinks than before (I never drink cold drinks normally). (during the proving)
Empty sensation in stomach. (day 1)
Weak feeling in stomach. Empty feeling. Slightly nauseous. (day 1)
Sinking feeling in stomach. (day 1)
Felt thirsty drank 1.5l of water in one go – didn’t realise I was that thirsty.
Was sitting down – didn’t feel like I wanted to move – only felt like I needed to vomit.
Not much appetite or thirst.
Feeling of fullness on eating.
Ate 3 rice cakes and Tartex for breakfast. Felt really full up.
Eating loads – junk – crisps – no thirst.
Abdomen – left side. Pulling. (day 2)
Twinges – left lower abdomen. (day 2)
Discomfort in left lower abdomen. (day 2)
Pain – left of lower ribcage in centre. When I press it, I can feel my heart really strongly. It lasted for about 20 minutes. Reminded me of a baby inside, kicking. (day 1)
Pain at bottom of ribcage in centre. Felt digestive. Not there for long. > Having a drink. (day 2)
Walking to work I had a stitch down the right side of my body. (day 3)
When I woke up I had a pain in a line across my abdomen. It was constant but there were also spasm of worse pain. It was sharp, piercing. It went into the depth of my right hip. It felt like two lines of pain, one straight across to my hip and the other very low down. (day 5)
Bloated after curry, feeling full, indigestion. Abdomen blown up and uncomfortable. (day 3)
Suddenly developed a stabbing pain in left side of abdomen – in pelvis area. (day 1)
Pelvic pain became worse and started also to experience it in right side. (day 1)
Pelvic pain continues but to a lesser degree. (day 2)
Griping abdominal pains/cramps came on suddenly and lasted about ten minutes – relieved by diarrhoea. (day 3)
Couple of twinges in lower abdomen. (Two or three times). (day 4)
‘Stitch’ in lower left abdomen, as if I’d been running. (immediately after taking remedy)
Stitch again in left side for 10 minutes. (day 1)
Just before bed and in bed – very painful cramps like trapped wind -umbilical region. Felt comforted being in bed and warm. Had to curl up because of pain. > Rubbing gently, would have felt < hard pressure. Had eaten a bit before, felt very full and a bit sick. (day 4)
Cramps, as above, lying in bed in afternoon. (day 5)
Cramps again, as above, while still in bed in morning, half hour after waking. (day 6)
Cramping pains just before bowel movement, with trapped wind > passing wind. On three occasions in a day. (day 7)
Three times again – cramping pains – umbilical area – before diarrhoea. Pain gradually > after bowel movement, then sudden cramps again. Loose stools, small like toxic waste – a chemical smell. (day 8)
Very offensive wind all day. Toxic waste smell. (No diarrhoea now). (day 9)
Still cramping before bowel movements. (day 10)
Sudden and severe bloating as if 6 months pregnant. << walking, very uncomfortable. (day 11)
Bloated still. (day 13)
Constipated. Feel pressure in abdomen, don’t like tight clothes. (day 16)
Still bloating, straight after eating. (day 17)
In a lot of pain. Very uncomfortable. Initially felt like a build up of wind in lower abdomen
Feels like top of uterus is badly bruised, uncomfortable, like head has come down before giving birth. Pain down uterus to vulva extending back to anus at times but mostly concentrated it feels, at top of uterus.
Itching anus. Have to scratch – no relief. Extending at times around to vulva and left side of vagina. Very irritated and itchy – about 1 hour.
Bruised feeling in vulva sensation of fullness, bruising, feels swollen.
Feel like I want to push something out of my vagina.
Bad period pain. Rocking on toilet.
Feel too weak, in pain, nauseous.
Pain walking, bearing down pains.
Increased libido. (day 15)
Pain in left testicle. Discomfort as if trousers were too tight. (RS) (day 1)
Slight pressure pain in left testicle. (RS) (day 1)
Increased libido. Very horny. Masturbation. (day 3)
Pain left testicle. (day 10)
Lower backache all day, radiating to right side from central spine. No modalities. (day 8)
Slight stiffness developed on left side of back of neck. (day 1)
I have a sensation on the left side of my neck which is > for pressing on it. It’s a dull irritation. (day 2)
After tea there was pain in the lower back, only a small spot on the right of the spine (when washing up), lower lumbar – came and went three times in next 20 minutes. (day 1)
Lower back heavy and tired (pre-menstrual). (day 5)
Tension in both shoulders. (immediately after taking remedy)
Some shoulder pain. Mild ache in mid-back lumbar region. Also, mild ache in sacro-iliac buttock area. (day 1)
Feeling some pain in right side of neck and back radiating along the right shoulder. A heavy aching pain. (day 1)
Shoulders much better. (day 1)
All heaviness in back and shoulders gone. (day 1)
Mild back pain in loin area both sides. Varies according to position. Mild ache only. (day 6)
Back was aching around waist, also in back of neck and right shoulder (after late night shopping). (day 6)
Back and shoulders better. (day 6)
Pain in lower back, dull ache. Extending down to both thighs. Like period pains. (day 4)
Awful period pains, esp. Lower back, also lower abdomen and hips. Severe dull ache. (day 18)
Discomfort in lower back. Feels weak. More on the left side. (day 1)
Sensation of cold on back (both sides). (day 1)
Slight pain – left side. Back. Kidney area. (day 1)
Tension in left shoulder. (day 1)
Still tense left shoulder. A bit stiff. Slight pain on turning head to left side. Same sensation as if I want something sharp in there to release tension. (day 2)
Cold sensation on back while sitting in bed. Stiffness in cervical area. (RS/OS) (day 2)
Weak lower back. (day 2)
Weak lower back. (day 2)
Stiff shoulder, neck area. (day 2)
Tension in head and shoulder stronger. (day 2)
Discomfort right shoulder. But still both shoulders. Very tense in neck/back area. (day 6)
Lower back pain. (day 8)
Lower back pain.
I have noticed that my neck has not been hurting for a few days now.
Rectum (inc. Diarrhoea and Constipation)
Instant urge to go to loo. Stool explosive – partly solid, partly watery, yellow-brown. (day 5)
Urge to stool with burning sensation at end of rectum – on passing stool – doesn’t burn. (day 9)
Burning sensation when passing stool. (day 12)
I’m crapping a lot. Three times today. They were good ones, real dumps. (day 1)
Bowels looser than normal. (day 15)
Urgency of stool, but constipated and unable to pass anything. (day 1)
Urge to pass stool (urgency) – passed four motions the day; stool in small pieces that floated in the bowl. Colour light brown. (day 1)
Passed stool with difficulty (after period of constipation). Stool like small hard dark brown stones. (day 3)
Diarrhoea after chocolate – semi-solid, pale brown. (day 9)
Itchiness around the anal area. (NS) (day 1)
Had some looseness of stools. (RS) (day 1)
Diarrhoea. (day 2)
Sudden urge to go to the toilet – diarrhoea. (NS) (day 2)
Diarrhoea. (day 4)
Loose stools in the morning. (day 6)
Itchy anus. (day 23)
Stool quite a lot softer than usual. None yesterday. (day 5)
Stool softer than usual. (day 6)
Itching anus. Have to scratch – no relief. Extending at times around to vulva and left side of vagina. Very irritated and itchy – about 1 hour.
Bowel movement very light yellow almost cream colour.
Bowel movement still lighter than usual but not as light this morning.
Have not passed stool – uncomfortable – still pain.
Slight burning in chest. (day 1)
Oppression around heart. Congestion. (day 7)
Tight, oppressed feeling. Heart pounding after minimal exertion. Want to have window open. (day 8)
Pain – left of lower rib cage in centre. When I press it I can feel my heart really strongly. It lasted 20 minutes. Reminded me of a baby inside kicking. (day 1)
My breasts are quite tender. At night I can’t lie on my front. It’s << than usual. I had a sensation of milk let-down which was strange (i.e. It felt the same as when breast feeding and you get the let-down reflex). (5 years since I last breast fed). (day 7)
Slight rawness and irritation in upper chest. (day 2)
Symptoms persist. (day 3)
Awoke at night with palpitations – they lasted about 30 minutes. (day 7)
Feeling of constricting tightness below level of left nipple. (day 1)
Dull ache radiating from left side of chest to left side of back. (day 1)
Chest tightness. (day 53)
Throat and external chest feel very hot.
Pain jut below sternum like big weight like I’d swallowed some sort of rock or big stone.
Felt full, same heavy feeling below sternum like swallowed a rock.
Heavy feeling below sternum like eaten too much.
Full up sensation again under sternum after eating lunch.
Felt really ill all day. Cold has gone to my chest and I’m having problems breathing.
Lungs feel sore.
Breathing is still bad.
Barking couch, coughing up mucus.
Still having problems breathing < pm.
Sharp pain, extending down leg, while walking (left). (day 1)
Pain in elbow and knee – both left. (day 10)
Pain left elbow and left knee – joints. (day 13)
My right knee hurts going upstairs and on bending in general. (day 1)
My right knee still hurt going up and downstairs < going up. (day 1)
Right knee painful, getting <. Hurt all the time now. Pain feels in kneecap > pressure. (day 1)
Right knee still hurts. Pain across front of kneecap. (day 1)
When I woke I had cramp in my right calf for about 30 seconds. I had to move my leg. It hurt! (day 1)
It feels like I’ve pulled a muscle in my right hand (right side of palm). It hurts when I press it or move my fingers. It lasted up to an hour. Cramping on movement, throbbing on rest. Sudden onset. Started at 7pm. (day 1)
Muscular ache in my right arm, top half like I’ve been carrying a heavy bag, but I haven’t. From shoulder downwards. Right shoulder feels a bit stiff too. Small patch of eczema on top of left shoulder, more itchy. (day 2)
Muscular ache in right thumb. (day 2)
The muscle in my right hand was throbbing as I sat in the car. (day 2)
My hand is shaking as I’m writing (see stomach – feel sick). (day 2)
There’s a faint pain in my right elbow from time to time as I walk along. (day 3)
When I woke I almost had a cramp in my right calf but it didn’t materialise. (day 4)
My right big toe is very sore because the corner of the nail cracked and dug into it and broke off. (Never happened before). (day 4)
My shins are very itchy after swimming. My skin is very itchy. My right wrist is really itchy (inside). It never has been before. I want to scratch it. (day 7)
Inner right wrist still very itchy. The skin on my right hand is cracking. There are like the remains of tiny blisters on my little finger, on the edge of my hand. (day 8)
Inner wrist itchy again. Also my right elbow on the outside. (day 9)
My wrist is very itchy whenever I wear my watch. I have to keep taking it off.
The skin on my right hand is still very dry and cracking. Not deep cracks, just surface.
My finger has been itching where my ring is (right hand, ring finger). Also the outside of my right elbow from time to time. (day 10)
The skin on my fingers is a right mess. On my middle finger it looks like it’s been burnt around the top joint. There are little blisters under the skin on the tops of my fingers. It’s quite sore in patches. (Right hand – but I only have a right hand!!). (day 11)
Skin still dry on right hand but less sore than yesterday. Cramping pains in right hand for a few minutes. Cramping pains in right hand – whole hand. Had to keep opening it to stop it turning. Mild cramp. Right elbow aching, like I’d been carrying a heavy bag, but I needed. (day 12)
Middle finger crack bleeding – on top joint on outside. Ring finger almost bleeding – near nail on outside. (day 13)
Hips aching this morning. Coming from the inside side of my legs. (day 16)
Legs very painful in night. Hips aching very badly, like I’d stretched them way too far. Pain went down to my knees, and my right knee was especially painful too. It was the left side of my right kneecap. Constant pain, < with pulse beat. Over the night it gradually improved. Too painful to sleep. Nothing >. (day 18)
Inner wrist very itchy again. Right side. (day 36)
My right knee hurts when I walk. (day 38)
6 months later: Right knee still hurts. < Kneeling, bending, walking. Also same pain in right hip at times. (All new from proving).
Ongoing from a week before proving started: Septic spot on proximal segment on right ring finger. (immediately after taking the remedy)
Coldness of the upper arms, even though it was a sunny day. (immediately after taking the remedy)
Feet and legs feel cold. (immediately after taking the remedy)
Tingling and itching upper outer arms. (immediately after taking the remedy)
Some aching in left upper arm. It feels a bit heavy. (day 1)
As I write my hand is tingling in my middle and ring fingers. (day 1)
I’m getting second red spot on right ring finger next to old spot. Sore, swollen, pink. (day 3)
New spot on finger almost gone. (day 4)
Red spots on hands gone. (day 7)
Mild twinges of aching pain in left hip, radiating down lateral side of left thigh. Not very severe, < sitting, > standing. (day 11)
Stiff body. Knees stiff, as if they need to be oiled. Hip joints stiff and stretched. Tension in thigh muscles. (all pre-menstrual symptoms). (day 5)
Burning pains. During afternoon waves of sweating and joints and muscles feel more sensitive, burning, painful, especially now upper back, also wrists when moving hands and hips. Back, upper back and between shoulder blades. (day 1)
I feel my joints and muscles more than ever with each movement. It makes me gradually irritable. Pain < after activity. Burning pain (no burning before proving). (day 2)
Burning joints. (day 3)
Left shoulder hurts and is a bit swollen. Burning knees. (day 4)
Shoulder a bit >. Knee and left arm still feel stiff, hands to (evening). (day 5)
Woke up several times, aching in the morning: Wrists, lumbago, shoulder, knees. Left arm and shoulder hurt less when I sleep on left side. If on right side I have to move it and change position all the time. Knees feel heavy and under pressure. (day 12)
Arms and shoulders < afternoon. (day 13)
Shooting pains not only left arm but also right arm and lower legs. > Sat down after tea. (day 18)
Hot hands esp. Left, in bed. (day 19)
The hair on my arms was very itchy and I was scratching it all day. (day 1)
Itchy feeling – left upper arm extending to left rear midriff (margin of diaphragm). (day 1)
Tingling shooting pain in crack of left arm, while washing up; lasted two minutes. Darting pain, extending outwards. Felt like hitting or tapping the arm to relieve pain. (day 5)
Severe pain in right big toe, during the night (evening). Unbearable burning pain that lasted for half to three quarter of an hour. (day 1)
Toes cold esp. on the right foot, gone numb, all the toes. (day 14)
Soles of my feet went cold and numb. (day 17)
Left arm uncomfortable, disconnected heavy feeling from left shoulder blade to elbow. Pain in left elbow. Left leg feels achy, dragging ache < knee joint. (day 7)
Hands and feet burning hot, sweaty. Hands feel ‘too big and too fat’. Feet feel the same.
Pain in heel of left foot – shoe feels too hard. Right knee flares up with anxiety in stomach.
Feet so hot – out of bed covers at night (very unusual). (day 12)
Groin right side feels bruised strained only when walking.
Extremes of temperature. I felt the change in temperature. Chilly then overheated. Had to put on warm clothes then got overheated. (day 11)
Had a fever, profuse sweating of head and face. (day 12)
Permanent low fever; whole body sweating. Although I feel cold I’m hot and sweating. (day 16)
Working at 3am when I should be sleeping. (day 4)
Terrifically tired. Had to sleep in the afternoon. (day 8)
Slept to 11pm then woke and read until 1am then slept until 8.15am. (day 9)
Sleeplessness. Woke at 4am. (day 14)
Erratic sleep patterns. Sleeping in the afternoons. Needing less sleep. Sleepiness – Exhaustion.
Slept better than for some time. (1st night)
Slept very well again, deep, slept through the cat crying at the door. (day 1)
Slept very well again. (day 2)
Slept very deeply. (day 3)
Good night’s sleep again. (day 4)
Deep sleep. (day 6)
Got up early and was working – this is highly unusual. (day 6)
Was awoken by palpitation – lasted about 30 minutes. Awoke at 2 pm with nightmares. (day 7)
Feel drowsy (9am) have to pull self together to get going. (day 1)
Woke 4am. Very warm. (day 6)
Was on the go almost the whole day but did not feel very tired in the evening. (day 10)
Restless sleep. (1st night)
Drowsy, dropped off to sleep for half an hour as I felt sleepy. Woke with ringing of phone. (Most unusual for me to drop off to sleep in the afternoon. I feel it was a subconscious desire to escape from my feelings of fear and apprehension). (NS) (day 1)
Fell asleep suddenly and calmly. Definitely different from usual. (day 1)
Very deep sleep over last few days. (day 4)
Not sleeping well. Mind buzzing at night, full of too many thoughts. Waking too early, wide awake thinking. Tired but mind too busy. (The same as when the proving was first announced). Felt excited – exactly as when proving was first mentioned. That’s weird. (day 28)
Sleepless night – woke 1.20am then broken sleep for rest of night.
We (family) were on holiday in Germany, stayed at a town where we had lived for many years. A man showed us the flat he let us stay in. It had a good view over the water with ships going in and out of the harbour. I was just going to have a shower, when I woke up. (day 1)
We were on holidays at the seaside, sat on rocks. First I saw brightly coloured turtles in the water from above, then one came out and climbed over the rock towards me. (day 2)
Was looking regularly after a few children in a primary school. I was there and spoke to several people (whom I don’t know in real life) about looking after them. (day 3)
Went to an airport to get home from a holiday. We met a couple whom we had not met before but knew that they were an acquaintance of one of my cousins. Had lunch with them. (day 4)
Had a dream which I cannot remember properly, only that I discovered that our son should have gone on a canoeing trip over the weekend but had not. He does not do canoeing at all. (day 5)
First dream about my father. He was as he is now (physically frail) but cheerful and sang in bed. We gave each other a big hug what we never did in real life. (day 6)
I remember that I had two dreams, but can only remember fragments (dream 1) getting settled in a new house. Dream 2: Was in a gathering with many people. An older man tried to approach me and I tried to get away. (day 9)
I was chased by somebody in the countryside. We started to fight (wrestle). I knew I could lose, but woke up before it happened. (day 10)
Dreamt that we had been in my parents’ flat and some people forced their way into it.
Dream 2: I had fear to be confused. I tried to make breakfast and was afraid that I would not get it together. (day 15)
Strange abstract dream in black and white, moving through a forest of posts and geometric objects; seemed to be about thickness and texture. No emotion felt during dream. Dream 2: I was on a stopping train going to Manchester. A passenger reported that his property had been stolen from the train. A public announcement over the train’s intercom was made that unless the object was handed over the train would be stopped between stations and everyone would be searched. Felt irritated by this. (day 1)
My partner and I were sharing our house with another couple we did not know. They seemed to walk into our bedroom whenever they wished. I felt very uneasy about this. (day 2)
Woke with a start after a dream involving a chase sequence. My unknown companion and I were chased around the country by armed security forces (for spying?) Until we were eventually cornered and captured. (day 3)
An abstract dream about everything being reciprocal. Two people (unknown to me) are arguing; everything one person has done to the other, the other person does to them. Dream 2: I was watching a blue 3 wheeler reliant Robin car going down the motorway; all of a sudden the wheels started to fall off; the car burst through the central reservation and was hit by a lorry coming in the opposite direction. (day 5)
Went round car lots in a panic trying to buy a minibus. (Thought on waking: I have no need for a minibus). (day 8)
Very vague and uncertain dream about visiting a person I did not know on a hospital ward. I was shown to the patient by a nurse I felt I knew (but I didn’t really). (day 11)
I was in a canoe alone going down a very fast downhill rivers past rocks and rapids but everything that happens to overturn or endanger the canoe was automatically rectified without any effort on my part and I knew that I would be safe. (day 16)
Went back to former matrimonial home with an unknown person. Ex-wife was there with a boyfriend (20 yrs her junior). She was very embarrassed and tried to make us leave but her boyfriend wasn’t bothered. He chatted and was relaxed and friendly. I felt good and in control of the situation. (day 20)
I was in a rally driving competition, being navigated by an unknown person who doesn’t seem to know how to navigate properly. We became more and more lost as the competition continued, but I didn’t feel unhappy about this for some reason. (day 24)
Abstract and uncertain dream about escaping from yellow and black squares. Felt confused about this rather than afraid. (day 34)
Strange abstract dream about protecting territory by selling the rights to it. The territory was demarcated by yellow and black squares. (day 35)
A badger had entered the house and was behaving as if a pet dog. (day 51)
I had a dream where I was covered in blood. My mother was in the dream. The dream felt unpleasant, I didn’t know where the blood had come from. (day 5)
Had a nightmare about living in an Indian slum – went to a house with ferret like rats pouring out of the door which ran over our bodies. I was with my family. Dream 2: Husband was having an affair. I was angry and bit his nose off which came away from his face. I then bit his face further and his cheek and his face came away from his skull. (day 6)
I was looking at an elephant and had a real sense of what it was like to be an elephant. Felt strong, calm, solid and spiritually connected (meaning: connected with sth benevolent).
Dream 2: Had an ‘end-of-the-world-feel’. There were big scary new ‘radio stations’ in the sky which looked like massive lights. They reminded me of U.F.O’s and scared me. In order to connect to these stations and be ‘in tune’ I had to eat electric circuit boards – metallic bits had to be scrunched up and chewed properly. I was mildly worried about what effect this was having on my health, but knew that I had to be connected to the new ‘stations’. It all felt futuristic and scary, alienating. (day 7)
Awoke with the name ‘Sam Ng’ in my head. He’s a real person – an old Chinese healer who I respect as being a true spiritual healer. I haven’t seen or heard from him for 8 months or so. The dream left me feeling good – it felt like a reminder to be spiritually connected and aware. (day 1)
I was driving a friend to a meeting. She is someone who represents totally ungrounded spirituality for me – head in the clouds (of astrology and angels etc.). Anyway, I had to stop driving the car as my sense of perception became totally distorted. When I looked at the road it seemed like it was 200 yards or so beneath me rather than a few feet. It looked so far away and small. I felt scared and felt unsafe to drive. I thought I may hurt someone and crash into a [?] or a car and cause an accident. Dream 2: A very, very tall thin giant clown (8ft tall or so) was carrying my two youngest children through Chorlton, like wearing stilts with trousers covering them. It had wooden rickety wheels attached to its feet and trundled and bumped along, looking very unsteady and wobbly. The children both looked worried and uncomfortable. The clown looked precarious and its wooden wheels and too tall to be stable. (day 2)
Saw two beautiful U.F.O’s spinning in the sky, static, but whirling in the same place. Had a magical, ethereal quality. Made up of lights, looked a bit like gyroscopes. Felt happy and uplifted. Magic in the air. (day 3)
Front of my head had split gently open and a smallish dark thing came out. It was a piece of faulty, negative thinking. I was pleased that it was being taken away. (day 4)
Dreamt of lots of tiny penguins swimming at very high speed through a stream, underwater. Beautiful music playing underneath. Also, a lonely big seal in a cave. Lovely ‘beauty of life’ feel to this dream. Nightmare: Dreamt there was a poltergeist in the bedroom, strumming the guitar harshly. I asked my ex, who was next to me, to get it to go away. He said it would only get more angry. It was a malevolent spirit and I was terrified. In the end it threw up on me. Yuk. I woke up terrified and it took a while to shake off the fear. (day 5)
Dreamt I was half-[?] With beautiful smooth skin, young looking and plumpish. I was delighted with the total change! The only thing that bothered me was that my teeth were even more yellow than they are in reality. (day 10)
Dreamt I had to shave to get rid off my spots on chin and looked in mirror and saw that I had a beard. I hoped that it was a temporary thing but feared that I’d have to shave from now on. I looked like a schizophrenic lad I know – odd and wimpy. I wasn’t happy about it at all and was relieved to wake up with just the spots. (day 15)
This was more of a sleeping thought than a dream (though I was definitely asleep). When I die I will go to some purgatorial place and ‘wake up’ after death and think ‘Oh no! I’ve done it again. I’ve gone through another life and not done the thing I was meant to do.’ There was some decision or big undertaking I was supposed to have done, but I’d forgotten, and my shortcomings had led me down a less appropriate path, and I’d have to stay in purgatory, then try again next life. It felt like I’d done this thousands of times before. I’d been too selfish, neurotic, egotistical, forgetful and out of touch to know my destiny. – it was to do some big unselfish task(s) of a lifetime. [I woke up feeling very worried and wishing I knew what it was. It feels relevant to my life. I’m doing TV music and really feel I should be doing some kind of healing work]. (day 20)
[Woke up with fear streaming down my face at 5 am after the following dream]:
I wanted to go to the Island of Iona urgently. [It’s a place of pilgrimage for me as my baby girl, Iona, who died ten years ago, ‘s ashes are there. It’s an utterly spiritual, poignant place for me]. My friends Suzanne, Bruce (a couple) where in the dream. Another close friend who I’d talked of going there with, was in the dream, but she recently has got a partner. I was upset because I had no-one to go with – I couldn’t go with any of my friends as I’d be ruining their ‘coupleness’. I felt I couldn’t go on my own with the children. I felt a strong yearning to go. I cried and told my friends this. Suzanne [who in life has been desperately trying for a child and is infertile and upset about it] said ‘Carol, sometimes you just have to live with the longing’. I felt like she understood deeply about longing – these were wise words. [Thoughts on dream: I awoke very sad. This dream reflects the truth of my situation. I am coming to terms with being single (a relief mainly!) since November. The dream reflects the downside of that. Also, again a strong reminder to connect to the spiritual – Iona (baby and place) for me a huge symbol of purity, spirituality, higher love, this is what I’m longing for. (day 21)
Strange, hard to describe dream about two men. One the ‘jailer’, one the mentally ill ‘prisoner’. I kept thinking I knew who was who, then the prisoner would take out keys and reveal himself as the jailer then vice versa. Like a twist in the tale mystery story. Both were sardonic and dry. (day 22)
[Wrote this one down while still asleep I think – as it doesn’t make much sense. I wrote:] Guy broke into my house. Infamous. He did the ‘chicken robberies’. I managed to befriend him and led him into police trap.’ [was broken into 2 months before]. (day 23)
I was sitting at a railway station waiting for a train Blackpool. There was an old-fashioned board showing the times of the trains (old-fashioned station). I missed the train because the board was broken. I went to find the guard to complain but then I changed my mind and went home. Dream 2: Dreamt that Ralf was doing magic tricks with a bowl of hard boiled eggs – peeling the shells first. I picked up an egg and it moved of its own accord as if by magic and then I squashed it, saw the yolk and ate it. Fionna was observing. I felt watched. (day 2)
I put my hand down a drain to recover some lost shopping and pulled up some gloves, socks, shampoo, yoghurt. I found this satisfying, not disgusting. I scratched my watch and told my mum (present from her) and she said she would have it and buy me a new one. Dream 2: I was in a south German town (Heidelberg), looking at the flats where exchange students were living. Then all of a sudden I was checking out accommodation in the town and the different prices. (day 4)
Worrying about having to get up and work a shift at a restaurant with a hangover and no sleep. (day 5)
A strange, weird man was sitting in the shadows of a room in my flat. I was supposed to be alone. As I was leaving he got up to leave too and followed me everywhere. He wanted me to love him and kept saying I never would. He had a very evil face and at one point fired a gun. (I felt safe). We were in a huge lovely house with big strangely shaped rooms and then suddenly we were in a little village where the animals were all huge. I tried to climb on a horse to escape but it was too big. (day 7)
I was in library giving some books back and the librarian charged me an enormous fine and I argued with her openly and I kept saying she was ripping me off. Dream 2: I was on a boat, scrubbing the deck. (day 10)
I was in artist’s flat on his balcony looking at his work. I picked up one of his paintings in a book and painted over the bottom with words (?). I then realised he had four books with paintings of Manchester – one for summer, spring, autumn, winter. I ruined book of winter paintings. Started to panic and woke up just before artist returned to the flat. (day 11)
Dreamt that I had a relationship with another man. I wasn’t in love with him at all but he was so happy with me. Sense of guilt but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was married. Then I was sitting at a table and husband was there. Felt highly uncomfortable and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him. (day 14)
Dreamt I was sitting in a corner of a room watching a colleague sleeping on a couch and I knew that she was dreaming – that the blinds were opening and closing and she felt scared and couldn’t understand how this was happening. (day 19)
With a friend in the countryside, trying to catch a train to London. There were few trains from the village station and I wanted to catch a train from a town but I couldn’t. Each time we tried to catch the train it set off without us. (day 21)
Ex boyfriend was lying in bed with another girl. He was under the covers and she wasn’t. I felt jealous but couldn’t understand why. He came to sit at my table in a cafe but I walked away. (day 25)
I was totally alone and abandoned I had to start life again. No friends or partners. I dreamt of remedies. I was in bed with a beautiful Staphysagria but she left me. Everyone was leaving me. I was in a hippy gypsy environment. I decided I could start again on my own, as I had done many times before. I was pissing on the floor of a barn like building where people were sleeping on the floor on bags. (day 7)
Dreamt of a builder who climbed onto the bins(?) and fell flat on his back. I was desperate to find Arnica in the house but couldn’t find any. They took him away on a handcart. (day 11)
Dream of being in bed with two girlfriends. An old girlfriend and my present one. Trying to explain to my new girlfriend what was happening. We were in a market near Covent Garden, another girlfriend tells me she’s a man so she can’t see me anymore, she has a new lover. I was devastated. In a pub, but couldn’t get to the bar. It was blocked with builders’ rubble. (day 12)
Dreamt I’m at Ralf’s house – full of plant pots – all singular, separate. Very tall, straight and individual. Singular but compact. Felt isolated and alone. (day 3)
Something about the number 54 or 56 and having to divide it by 8, with children in it. A second dream involving a house, gravel drive, someone trying to decide where to park, a friend I haven’t seen for quite a while and horses, maybe a riding holiday. (day 1)
We were going somewhere, needed to catch a train or something. I was very angry because I had left something important somewhere on purpose. I left husband sitting on a shop doorstep and set off to get it back. It was a long walk and no matter how much I hurried there wasn’t enough time. Then I was in Germany and doing some sort of exchange with the family. They didn’t want me. They were horrible to me and excluded me from what they were doing. I knew I had three weeks there. I didn’t know if I could stand it. Also a dream about making love and it being a complete failure. (day 6)
Two of my teeth came out. They were joined together, like a scab. One of them had a filling in. (day 7)
Vague dream – an enormous house, Christmas trees in different rooms, hiding from the children, some connection with my parents-in-law. (day 8)
A confused dream about having a baby (a little girl called Anna) and being pregnant and having my period. All the timing was mixed up. It was my period but I knew/thought I was pregnant and I already knew about the baby. I was worried about telling my mum. It was Christmas. I wasn’t going to tell her but I thought then the children would. It all felt very confused. I remember thinking about practicalities like if my friend still had any maternally clothes. Although the baby was unplanned, part of me really wanted to have her. I can picture her clearly from the dream. Also I had no idea how she’d been conceived as we’d been careful with contraception. There was also something about my Dad picking me up late at night in the dark from a house which had previously belonged to his friend (a very long time ago) and now belonged to his friend’s son who was someone I knew. I felt a teenager/student in it. (day 9)
Something about driving slowly in central London near Marble Arch, then the car turning into a pushchair! Also a combination Quakers and homoeopathy lecturers in a very big building, missing my lecture. (day 10)
Kirsty (daughter) had cancer and was going to die soon. I couldn’t bear it. I was sitting outside holding her like a baby. I felt like my heart would break. Dream 2: In the school playground where another mother [who, to be I think of as lesser in some way, and was the same one who I saw on day 1 of the proving outside work) was doing the proving too, and she had filled her book!! I thought, how can she be better than me? Dream 3: In a dark passage which was apparently Lincoln Castle, trying to get to the exit before closing time and to the station in time for the train. Going down spiral staircases in the dark, with someone I know vaguely who kept stopping because she had sore feet – I was annoyed that she was so slow but didn’t say anything. We got out of the castle in time but halfway to the station I realised we’d left something behind. Can’t remember anymore. (day 13)
Being scared of horses being ridden on a road. I tried to go a different way on my bike but it was flooded. That was scary – it felt like I could have drowned if I hadn’t been careful. (day 14)
Vague dream about looking for something in a shop but not finding it. (day 15)
I’ve been dreaming about doing homoeopathy exams all night!! They were going to last for 2 days. There was a lot of confusion about them. The questions were impossible. (day 16)
Dream about a friend from secondary school who I’ve not seen since I left. She’d lost two sheep (her parents had a farm). (day 18)
Minding someone else’s baby and she fell into a deep muddy puddle. I thought I’d forgotten how cuddly babies are when I picked her up. An animal a bit like a big badger. A bus journey with a friend who I haven’t seen for ages. The children drawing very big pictures of themselves. Other animals in some sort of wildlife park. (day 19)
A friend from ages ago who I’ve lost touch with really lost her ring somewhere and then someone found it. She said it had belonged to her grandmother. Also something about being somewhere communal and wanting to hide away on my own. (day 20)
I was in Leicester University and all the doors were shut and I didn’t know which way to go. Also about something being in a sort of canteen with people form the homoeopathy course and about to eat dinner. (day 21)
Long and complicated dream in which my supervisor was ‘tracing the picture of my disease’. It involved visiting lots of things, people, places from my past including first becoming pregnant with K unintentionally. Something about Ralf and a group of other people, a large house surrounded by gravel, someone from the Quakers and a range of others. [It felt really significant, as if it was rounding everything off]. (day 23)
Dream about being in Germany (Repeat of dream 27 days ago). Being driven by a tractor, along a long track through fields. Stopped to camp in a very sloping muddy field – no grass. Went out and the sea was there, the tide was coming in very fast. Had to rush back to stop the sleeping bags getting wet. Feeling of being unable to do what I wanted because of circumstances outside my control. (day 34)
Dream where I was talking to my Granny (she died 3 and a half years ago). (day 38)
Dreamt I was staying at a house in Ireland with an old friend of mine who had borrowed it from a doctor. I don’t know why we were there but I needed somewhere to stay. It was a large pleasant house but slightly in need of a good tidy up. Nothing happened except the owner came back and his cleaner did the tidying up an hour before he returned. I just had to leave and although I had arrived by plane I was given instructions to leave by car. The roads were familiar and reminded me of where I had lived as a child.. [Feeling was pleasant and nostalgic]. (day 1)
Dreamt of aeroplanes precision flying through a hole and disappearing. Dreams of seaside, swimming water. (day 2)
Dreamt I was kissing a handsome bearded medical student while I was having a bath. [A face I remembered from my student days. Nostalgic dream]. (day 3)
Dreamt I was writing music. I had a tune in my head and had to write it down before I woke up. It was very cold with snow outside in the dream and I was looking in the fridge for various things I had bought. Dream 2: I’d bought two thoroughbred horses and I’d given one to the people next door who had a paddock and could shelter them. It was very cold and snowing and I was worried about them. (day 4)
I dreamt my mother was ill and Dad was comforting her. Then I was cleaning the silver and showed my daughter Rachel’s friend how to do it. Dream 2: Dreamt I was being followed on a bicycle by a funny couple, one off them had no head. Dream 3: Dreamt I was persuading Rachel’s friend Mia to do Msc like Rachel. Dream 4: Dreamt I was given some chicken legs by my husband to get rid of. (day 5)
I dreamt I tried to get some treatment for my son’s asthma, but the receptionist denied there were any doctors there. I insisted and eventually doctor came but David had gone. (day 6)
Dreamt I visited a ruined castle, had privileged ticket which allowed me to enter special competition, a puzzle about the battlements and turrets with special secret prize. I was also given some special perfume to help. Dream 2: I also had a dream about being in the Far East – Hong Kong? Or thereabouts and I was spoon feeding my son David who was a baby, the dream moved to a hospital group when we were discussing babies and I was asking all the mothers and one grandmothers how the babies were getting along. (day 8)
Dreamt of swimming and water. (day 10)
Dreamt of horses and riding and a mangy cat that didn’t clean herself. (day 11)
Dreamt I was in a station waiting to deliver a parcel on a train. I don’t know who it was for though. (day 12)
I was at a meeting in a steep auditorium, it might have been speech day. Some people had fixed chairs but others had to cling to almost vertical walls as I did, and I was terrified I would fall off. There was a lift there, it was very dangerous, we had to cling to the walls to stop falling down the lift shaft. I didn’t get stuck but a man I was with did, and no one seemed to care, so I went to get help in the ticket office where they all spoke French, so it was difficult to explain. I told them my husband was stuck in a lift, hanging on with his fingers. If he let go he would drop down the shaft. They said they’d sort it out, but shrugged and said it happened every day, so they were not surprised. (day 15)
Buying shoulder of lamb at butcher and travelling in London on tube train. (day 17)
I dreamt I had to go to old hospital wards to try and find patients for my homoeopathy own cases. My old friend Chris said ’You’ll never get through all that work in time, with your own cases, I said ‘Yes, I will!’. (day 19)
I dreamt someone was driving away in my car. Someone I knew. I was not very happy, but was reassured that it was ‘borrowed’ not stolen. (day 22)
At a beach with a woman. Immediately I have a good feeling for her. There is a certain degree of intimacy. We are on a two hour guided beach walk. We want to spend more time together after the walk. There is a ball which falls over the cliff. I run after it, try to catch it.When I’m at the edge I see how steep it is, how deep down it goes. I try to retreat from the edge, but I am trapped. The sand crumbles from under me. I need to get away from there or I’ll fall. Somehow the woman manages to drag me over to rescue me. (day 1)
I’m in a small town somewhere. I get threatening letters from a group of people. They claim I’m gay and therefore they want to beat me up. I’m careful when I go out, etc. Micha is in the dream as well. One of the men brings back her coat, the black one with the Eskimo rim. That happens twice. She lets it lying around. When the man brings it back, the message is: We know where you are. Dream 2: Tia and I want to go on a trip through Great Britain. She suggests the North of Scotland, go right round from East to West. I point out that the B+B’s are quite expensive there. (day 6)
Dream panorama of forms and people. I’m in some kind of village/camp. The blind person who only pretends to be blind in order to find things out. J., the most straight person I know turns out to be gay. What is this all about? A business where everybody steals money, and the owner knows it. Pictures on the walls which move. The action continues in these stills. A bear eats a dog, bloody affair, man stands by with camera. Something sinister is going on. Suddenly I realise that I am the blind man who only pretends to be blind. I’m not supposed to see the things I see. But people must know that I only pretend. Twilight world. Dark, fluid, difficult to assess. Astonishing women, character wise. Tough, semi-criminal, dangerous. J. kisses his boyfriend in front of me, talks about where he wants to live. Everybody is tough, semi-criminal, potentially dangerous. That’s how we live. I’m more of a spectator in this world, pretending to be blind, but I ask about things I can see. I’m still the ‘nice’ person, floating through this demi-world. The bear on the photograph is a gigantic animal, he guts a German shepherd dog. Poor thing. The dog is just a kind of fodder, provided by the people around – so that THEY don’t get eaten? My friend J. is in the dream. She is cooking for us, putting food on the table. It’s chicken. She distributes the plates with the chicken on, but there’s nothing left for me – she doesn’t even realise that. I don’t say anything, just walk away. Complain to others about it. I can feel the people in the dream, that they are psychic entities belonging to me. They are only seemingly separate in the dream. I’m looking behind the scene. Alice in Wonderland kind of thing. Looking straight at energy patterns. (day 7)
Dream of parents of a former friend of mine who died in bike accident, mixed with my uncle and aunt. Uncle/father is tatooed. They have an adopted daughter. I’m on my own, have no parents nor a home it seems. They are themselves travelling. I’m connecting with them, try to be with them. We are somewhere on a ship when they come back from travelling (?). I sleep next to them. (day 8)
Cave of the 1000 Negroes. Well-built black men, all naked. No context. Intensely sexual. We can walk around them, look at their glistening bodies, and choose one or two or more for pleasure. Dream 2: Somewhere on the coast. I’m in the water, but just standing in it, not swimming. M. (my partner) is on another beach, at a square angle to my beach, entices me to go in deeper, taunts me to go in deeper. I start swimming, but there are rocks everywhere which make swimming hazardous. (day 18)
Dreams of being at the seaside. Little, old-fashioned English towns. (day 21)
First with friend J. Somewhere in front of a few people. I’m explaining paintings, J’s paintings. He is there himself. After a while I don’t know how to continue. He whispers to me, gives me advice, says ‘skip this or that’. I couldn’t show the paintings properly anyway because they are too small and the room is too dark. My brother takes over, talks about the paintings, but in a somehow forced manner, trying to be funny etc.We are in my partner’s sister’s flat (?) Mother, father, M. (friend) and my brother are there. Father goes away to wait somewhere. We are supposed to pick him up in the car. There is a little box for M., an insect on it (spider or beetle, something creepy) and a little sentence, it reads: ‘I will not forget the special time we had together’ or something like it. It is clearly a box from partner’s sister to M. After he and my partner split up. I’m in this dream as well, but my partner is obviously not my partner, or rather she is, but only in my consciousness coming from outside into the dream. The flat is really quite small and awful, somehow oppressive. It then comes to the scene of saying goodbye. We start hugging, then at one point my partner’s sister breaks down in tears and shouts ‘Give me back my babies! Give me back my babies!’ Somehow I know they are two. There is another man, blonde, young, a friend of ours (I don’t recognise him), who sits on a bench in a park. He is unaware of the situation, but we cannot inform him now. It’s getting late, we should have picked up my father long ago. Somehow I’ll have to go back to the flat, to pick up somebody, because I forgot something (?). [I wake up in a kind of fear/terror at 4am]. (day 22)
At a homoeopath. He prescribes Lycopodium for my eczema. I self-prescribed Cannabis sativa. Friendly, experienced, fatherly kind of figure. Then again a shooting in the dream. Kind of gang warfare. (day 32)
Dreamt of a friend I haven’t seen for a while and feel a bit down by.
We were chatting and having fun in the way that I had always hoped we would but never did. My parents were in it too and they were more relaxed than in reality. (day 1)
Myself and another woman were preparing for a ceremony in which we became one. Like a wedding but with three of us. We hired costumes and had to decide which costumes we liked most. I felt like ‘Wonderwoman’ in mine, even though it was fulllength dress with tight bodice and looped skirt. It was bubble gum pink and made of nlon. I also had a wooly black wig. The other two women decided not to wear costumes but I liked mine so I kept it. (day 2)
I was going to a Bob Dylan concert with an ex-partner but only the ex-partner’s parents turned up. At the concert hall there was an inspector who kept asking me why one of the stages was missing. It seemed very obvious to me that there just wasn’t room for another stage and there must be a mistake on his plan but he wouldn’t have it. (day 3)
Dream is not remembered properly but the feeling remained+. Felt very sure I was in the right place – feeling very grounded and secure. I am feeling that generally – very happy at home – very immersed in my reality. This is unusual for me. (day 4)
I am in a car – not sure who’s driving but my parents are in the car too. The car is a Bentley. Very new and expensive. I am explaining to my father what I think about the car and try to make him see my point of view. It is my sister’s car. I think having such an expensive and flashy car is realy crass – very superficial and just about my sister needing everyone to know how rich she is and they are slowly agreeing – with me or rather begin to see my point of view. Then we arrive at a house which is mine. I’m not quite sure how I got it but I didn’t buz it. I think someone (not family) left it to me. It has a lot of furniture in it, which I really like and feel privileged to have. Ann Saunders is there and I’m very pleased that the house is beig enough to have lots of people staying in. It is a huge house, it has columns at the front and a domed roof in the middle. I go outside and in the garden there is a swimming pool. I am so pleased that I jump up and down with joy. The people with me are laughing (kindly) at me. As I get closer to the pool and walk around it, I discover another small pool which is a bit murky and has a very large lizard type creature in it which I think might be a crocodile at first but then realise it’s not. I go away and come back and the lizard thing is out of the pool but its tail is coming off. The person with me says with satisfaction ‘well that’s not good, is it, because that tail’s coming off and the dog will eat it.’ (day 7)
I was kissed very passionately in this dream. I don’t know who it was but the kiss was so passionate that it brought me to orgasm.’ (day 10)
I felt really palyful and sexual in the dream. Having fun felt wild, carefree, desired and quite powerful. (2nd day)
2nd dream same night: People in fancy dress. I’m jumping about laughing looking at all the people in fany dress.
Itchy third finger left hand.
Itchy cheeks. Corner of right eye itchy.
Itchy chin – feels hot.
Back of neck just below hairline is itchy.
Eczema on left arm, raised white pimples, skin red inflamed, feels like nettle stings. Itching all day but it is burning now – 19.00 – can’t touch it.
Noticed itching yesterday – also hard small white spots on cheeks – one left, one right.
Started suddenly sweating whilst writing, lasted only a few minutes – upper body, back and face, felt tired with it. (day 1)
Sudden hot sweat whilst waiting at the station. Accompanied by burning pains in palms and knees. (day 1)
Another hot sweat. Waves sweating. (day 1)
Noticeable strong body odour from left armpit, like strong spicy food. (Lasted two days only) (day 1)
Left armpit still very smelly. (day 2)
Not sweating much. (day 2)
Clammy sweat all over body. (RS) (day 8)
Lots of sweat under arms, on chest, back etc. Not strong smelling. (OS) (day 11)
Very cold. (immediately after taking remedy)
Feeling very cold. (day 17)
Feel cold, with warm hands. (immediately after taking remedy)
Sensation of coldness on back. Feeling of heat in body. (day 1)
Cold sensation on back while sitting in bed. Stronger body odour than usual. Feel more the need to shower. Sensation of heat in upper body and head. (day 2)
Hot and congested. Want to have window open. Oppressed feeling around chest. Heat sensation on back. (day 8)
Feeling tingling and cold. (immediately after taking remedy)
I felt nauseous, cold and shivering. (day 1)
I’ve become much warmer, following sleep. I was cold again after leaving warm conservatory. (NS) (day 1)
Clothes feel tight, heavy and uncomfortable, so I’ve changed into loose garment. (day 1)
I feel achy and so feel like a hot back and some pain. (day 1)
A bit cold earlier, feeling war, now heating’s coming on. (day 1)
Very cold shopping in Sainsbury near the fridges. I’m not usually cold in this shop. (day 6)
Hot but not sweating. (day 1)
Bread is really horrible, even the thought of it. I don’t want biscuits or anything with flour in it. (day 2)
No energy all morning. Everything was an enormous effort. >eating. (day 3)
Lots more energy than usual. (day 4)
I just want to go to sleep. (day 14)
This morning I wanted to sleep forever. Don’t normally feel this tired. I feel really shaky, like I’ve been ill. A bit light-headed and dizzy. No hunger. Quite intense. By 8pm I had lots more energy. Having been exhausted all day, it suddenly improved a lot! (day 15)
8 pm – feel positive, more energy than usual. (day 17)
Desperately tired on waking despite sleeping well. (day 30)
It feels like a parallel to 4 weeks ago. (week 5)
Feel very tired, but a nice tiredness, like after physical exercise. (day 1)
No hangover symptoms after drinking. (day 5)
Less sensitive to weather conditions and temperature. Usually affected by warm weather but not bothered at all. [This lasted during the whole proving]. (day 6)
Flu like ache all over. Swollen glands. (day 7)
Chilly > warm bath (day 7)
I’m exhausted, remedy brought out my underlying tiredness. It’s coming out that I’m tired. (day 1)
Exhausted. Yawning. (day 16)
Used to be exhausted between 4pm and 6pm, but now I’m not. (no time given)
Modality > kneeling down, supporting head with hand. (no time given)
I was shivering and tingling all over. (immediately after taking the remedy)
I began to feel generally hot all over – it lasted about 30 minutes. (2 hours after taking remedy)
Experienced shivering up and down back and up and down back of arms. (3 hours after taking remedy)
Had a great appetite for savoury food; strong desire for salt. (4 hours after taking remedy)
Felt very sleepy and exhausted. (day 1)
Again felt warmer than usual and this has lasted for about 30 minutes. (day 1)
Continued to want salty food and don’t want to eat anything sweet at all. (day 1)
Warmer than usual. (day 2)
Still feel warm. Aversion to sweet food. (day 3)
Aversion to sweet – even an apple felt sweet. Still feel warmer than usual. (day 4)
Still feel hot. Feel thirsty – continued all day. (day 7)
Craving for salt. (day 13)
Lost appetite – although hungry. (day 17)
Aversion to sugary things. (day 18)
Poor appetite. (day 21)
Hungry, but still no appetite. (day 23)
Felt shivery over whole body as if a cold about to start. (after 2 hours)
Feeling shivery. (day 1)
Thirstless – had nothing to drink for past then hours. (day 1)
12-18 hours: felt cold and shivery. (day 12)
Listless. Energy low. (day 17)
Usually morning > arthritis symptoms – did not want to move. (immediately after taking remedy)
Hot feeling, but dry, no sweat – normally cool. (day 3)
Hot body – my body felt hot, like burning. (day 17)
Have not felt tired at times when I normally need to nap i.e. 2 – 3pm and early evening around 7 – 8pm.
No energy slump, feel alert and energetic. Visit friend, go to supermarket.
Energy low today. Fell asleep this afternoon for two hours 1 – 3pm
Went very cold. Had hot bath. I was freezing.
Tired on waking – like to stay in bed all day.
Very tired all day.(acute)
Very tired 6pm – 7.30pm.
Fighting to stay awake – felt nauseous and weak.
Reminded me of my sudden tiredness.
Always tired, but extremely at the moment.
Going by what 5 or more provers (out of 15) experienced, the following themes come through.
In its positive action, the remedy produces a state of calm, clarity and connectedness (with people, the environment, trees, animals). There is a desire for contact with others. Understanding of people, situations and even of life is enhanced and easy. Concentration is high and focus good. There is a sense of increased confidence, of strength and dominance, a complete lack of guilty or conflicting feelings when provers behaved in harsh or inappropriate ways towards others. The world appeared more beautiful, colourful and even magical.
The other side of this is a sense of loneliness, abandonment and separation (from people and the world) to the point of the world appearing unreal, a kind of spaced-out feeling. With this experience of separateness, there was a desire to be alone and not to be interrupted by others. There was also an indifference to others, to situations and to work, to the extent that provers wanted to avoid responsibilities, but were not bothered by that. On the contrary, some thought it was just funny. Provers experienced an apprehension that something bad would happen, a generalised dread. They experienced the world as a threatening place, and had a sense of the sinister. Others experienced a sense of safety in dangerous situations. There is general confusion, but particularly of time and space. Provers found it difficult to judge the passing of time (whether something happened just now or a long time ago). There were experiences of spatial distortions, such as the ground appearing to be far away.
Four provers were very giggly during the proving, found everything funny and felt playful.
Four provers experienced the opposite of indifference to others, namely increased empathy.
Four provers had a strong urge to escape, to leave restrictions behind, be more out- than inside, to be wild. Three provers had a sense of release and expansion.
Three provers experienced the polarity of a sense of homecoming, a desire to be home, finding one’s home, even one’s place in life and relationship, and the opposite feeling of displacement and disconnectedness.
Dreams which more than three provers had were:
travelling by train
of being safe in danger
dreams of travelling
holidays by the seaside
of water, swimming and being underwater
of being alone and/or abandoned
of old friends from school, nostalgic dreams, returning to one’s childhood home; visiting places and people from the past, rounding things off.
Two provers dreamt
of being spiritually connected
of confusing and uncertain identities (female prover having a beard, a girlfriend who turn into a man)
of magic and magical atmosphere.
The main physical sensations and symptoms are:
Lower back pain
Congested feeling or congestion
Sensation of coolness
Griping, cramping pain
Sudden, acute pains
Shooting, stitching, stabbing, sharp pains
Constriction, fullness, tightness
Clear, profuse discharge from nose
Anxiety felt in stomach
Toothache in molars
Increased sexual desire
Calm (15, 5, 3, 7, 10, 19, 14, 21, 13, 16, 12, 9)
Connectedness – Disconnectedness (15, 7, 10, 5, 3, 19, 21, 12, 16)
Separateness. (15, 10, 7, 5, 3, 8, 13, 12)
Detached. Aloof. Less concerned. (15, 10, 5, 3, 19, 14, 13)
Does not want to be impeded, hindered, interrupted, addressed (15, 7, 10, 5, 3, 13, 12)
Desire to be alone, does not want to be disturbed by others (15, 7, 5, 19, 13, 12)
Clear understanding. Seeing through things, etc. Understanding on a deep level. (15, 7, 10, 5, 21, 12)
Clarity (15, 7, 5, 3, 14, 21)
Confusion about space and time. (15, 7, 5, 14, 21, 4)
Confusion (15, 7, 10, 5, 21, 8, 4)
Issues around time, e.g. feels slow, fast, distortions (7, 10, 19, 14, 12, 4)
Time seems to slow down (10, 19, 21, 16, 4)
Sense of unreality (15, 5, 14, 8, 13)
Sense of unreality eating amel. (5)
Spaced out feeling (10, 3, 19, 14, 21, 8)
Far away feeling (3,19)
Apprehension, as if something bad is going to happen. (10, 3, 14, 8, 13, 9)
Can’t be bothered. Indifference. Not caring about work or duty. (7, 5, 14, 21, 13, 12)
Indifference to people and activities (15, 7, 13, 12, 9, 4)
Indifference to work (15, 7, 13, 12, 4)
Avoiding responsibilities. (15, 5, 14, 21,13)
Desire for colours, realisation of colours, brightness (7, 10, 3, 21, 4, 2)
Focus, high concentration, quick understanding (15, 5, 21,12)
Seeing, feeling the energy of people, trees, animals (15, 7, 10, 21, 12)
Strength, dominance (15, 7, 3, 9, 23)
Guilt-free (15, 7, 3, 19, 4)
Guilt (15, 7)
Feeling of solidity (15, 7, 21, 12)
More relaxed (15, 7, 21, 16)
Can’t find the right words (7, 5, 3)
Can’t do simple arithmetic (5)
Everything seems too fast (12)
Issues around space, spatial awareness (21, 13, 4)
Desire to be free (7, 10)
Desire to be outside (7)
Aversion to guidelines, restrictions (10, 3)
Does not want to be disagreed with (5)
Wants to escape (3, 14, 13, 12)
Lack of consideration for others, disinterested in others (15, 14, 9)
Indifference to own appearance (7)
Feeling hard, unkind (3, 14)
Not concerned about what people think (13, 5)
Feeling of irresponsibility and enjoying it (15, 5)
Finding everything funny (5, 9, 4)
Wants to communicate, be in touch with others (15, 7, 12)
Wants to touch and hug and be hugged (7)
Needs reassurance (10, 13)
Company amel. (13)
Isolation, sense of. (13, 12)
Feeling of release and expansion (15, 7, 21)
Intolerance to any restriction (15, 7)
Topic of home, finding one’s own place, feeling displaced, disconnected, homecoming, desire to be at home (15, 19, 12)
Finding the right position in life, in a relationship, etc. (15)
Feeling of being an animal, wild (7)
Feeling wild (9, 23)
Awareness of trees (10)
Understanding animals (12)
Ability to communicate mystical, mysterious stuff easily (15, 7)
Psychic abilities, intuition heightened (15, 7)
Visions of flashes of flames and fire (3)
Visions of volcanoes (3)
Fear (14, 8)
Anxiety (13, 16)
Anxiety about future (16)
Feels threatened, being attacked. (10, 9)
Things feel sinister. (15, 10, 5)
Impatient (15, 14)
Feeling of being dirty (15)
Conflict between spiritual and material life (12)
Black and white thinking (15, 7)
Going from overconfidence to no confidence (15, 10)
Fake confidence (15)
Lack of confidence (15, 10, 5)
Disliking oneself (5)
Increased confidence (19, 21,12)
Certainty – uncertainty (15, 10, 5, 12)
Indecision (10, 5)
Feeling heavy, feeling light (7)
Sensitive (noise, pollution, smell, voices) (15, 7)
Sensitive to bad news, empathy (10, 5, 3, 21)
Positiveness (15, 5, 7, 3, 19)
Sadness (5, 3, 14)
Crying (7, 5, 16, 12)
Crying amel. (7, 5)
Desire to weep (5, 7, 16)
Feeling wide awake (5)
Anger (7, 5, 3, 14, 12)
Absence of anger where there normally would be (19)
Irritability (15, 7, 10, 5, 8, 12)
Thoughts of hell, hell-fire, judgement (3)
Euphoria (3, 21, 9)
Suspicion, jealousy, paranoid frame of mind (15)
Sexual thoughts, base thoughts, no complications (15)
Selfishness and recognition of selfishness as driver for all actions (15, 5)
Sense of having a dirty mind, a mind that soils creation (15)
Emasculation, men losing their strong male side, regaining the dominant, male aspect (15)
Finding things funny, giggling, laughing. (15, 10, 5, 23)
Magic. Magical atmosphere (19, 16)
Dreams of big houses (16, 19, 10, 5, 3)
Travelling by train (8, 19, 5, 3)
Dream of being safe in danger (8, 19, 3, 15)
Dreams of travelling (8, 3, 15)
Dreams about being in Germany (16, 19, 5)
Holidays at the seaside, dream (16, 3, 15)
Dream of water, underwater world (21, 3, 15)
Dream of babies (5, 3, 15)
Dreams of own space in own house being invaded by strangers (8, 19)
Missing trains (19, 5)
Dream of feeling spiritually connected (13, 21)
Dream of confusing, uncertain identities (21, 15)
Dreams of being chased (16, 8)
Dream of old friends from school (5, 12)
Dreams of UFOs (13, 21)
Dream of being alone and abandoned (14,15)
Dream of feeling alone (10, 15)
Dream of magic, magical atmosphere (21, 19)
Dream of swimming (3, 15)
Dream of a ruined castle (3)
Dream of returning to childhood place (3)
Dream of meeting up with old friends (3)
Nostalgic dreams (3)
Dream of having a baby (5)
Dream of time sequence being mixed up (5)
Dream of looking young (21)
Dream of being young (5)
Dream of former matrimonial home (8)
Dream of talking to dead grandmother (5)
Dreams of fights (16)
Dream of arguments (19)
Being chased by a funny couple, one of them without a head (3)
Dreams of robbers (16, 21)
Abstract dreams of patterns and texture (8)
Abstract dream of reciprocity (8)
Abstract dream of black and yellow squares (8)
Dreams of escaping (8)
Dream of a dangerous situation, of possibly falling down a lift shaft (3)
Danger of falling off a steep cliff (15)
Dream of being rescued by two women in a dangerous situation (15)
Dream of yellow and black squares (8)
Dream of a badger (8)
Dream of wild animal behaving domesticated (8)
Sexual gay dream (15)
Looking for something, not finding it (5)
Dream of losing a ring and finding it (5)
Dream of wanting to be private in a public space (5)
Visiting places and people from the past, rounding things off (5)
Dreams of exams, confusing questions (5)
Dreaming of resolution in old relationships (12)
Dream of gay marriage (12)
Dream of being in the right place, at home (12)
Dream of everything being slow (5)
Fearful dream of horses and drowning (5)
Dream of horses (3)
Dream of a cat (3)
Missing a lecture (5
Dream of own daughter dying of cancer (5)
Dreams of car accident (8)
Dream of blood being spilled in a room (13)
Dream of Indian slum (13)
Dream of rats (13)
Dream of being betrayed by husband (13)
Dream of biting husband’s face off (13)
Dream of betraying husband (19)
Dream of feeling guilty (19)
Dream of being jealous (19)
Dream of making love, but it being a failure (5)
Dream of being excluded from a group, being rejected (5)
Two teeth falling out (5)
Dream of an elephant and knowing what it was like to be an elephant (13)Futuristic dreams (13)
Dream of space radio stations (13)
Scary, alienating dream (13)
Spatial distortion in dream (21)
Dream of a clown (21)
Dream of magic trick (19)
Dream of clearing negative thinking (21)
Dream of beauty of life (21)
Dream of penguins (21)
Dream of a lonely seal (21)
Dream of gigantic horses (19)
Dream of horses (5, 3)
Dream of snow and cold (3)
Dream of own mother being ill and dad comforting her (3)
Dreamt of aeroplanes precision flying through a hole and disappearing (3)
Dream of kissing a man from the past (3)
Passionate kissing of an unknown man with org-asm in dream (12)
Dream of feeling sexual (23)
Dream of writing music (3)
Dream of swimming pool (12)
Dream of crocodile/lizard in swimming pool (12)
Dream of a poltergeist, malevolent spirit (21)
Dream of purgatory, her life being judged of not having the thing she was supposed to do (21)
Dream of a female prover of having a beard (21)
Dream of longing for spirituality, purity, higher love (21)
Dream of people and situations just being energy patterns (15)
Dream of urinating on the floor of a room where people are sleeping (14)
Dream of being in bed with two girlfriends (14)
Dream of a girlfriend who turned into a man (14)
Dream that way to bar is blocked (14)
Dream of a scary, threatening situation (15)
Heat (vertex of head, 21; ear, 23; nose, 12; face, 5, 19; jawbone, 23; throat and external chest, 23; hands, 16)
Burning (face, 5; jawbone, 23; rectum, 10; chest, 15; knees and muscles, 16; right big toe, 14; hands and feet, 10)
Burning pain in joints, agg. motion
Itching (corner of right eyes, 23; face, 23; anus, 23; vulva, 23; anal area, 13; anal area, 23: shin, 5; hair on arms, 16; wrist 5; outside right elbow, 5)
Lower back pain (8, 16, 12, 3, 5, 15, 23)
Nausea (19, 10, 8, 12, 5, 15, 19)
Nausea, agg. after eating (19, 8, 12)
Diarrhoea (10, 14, 8, 13, 16)
Urge for stool (8, 10, 13)
Tingling (head, 3; head, 15; face, 23; lips, 13; mouth, 23; left arm, 19)
Congested feeling or congestion (head, 21; head, 15; nose, 8; nose 12; chest, 15)
Heaviness (eyes, 12; head, 3; lower jaw, 3; stomach, 3; chest, 23; below sternum, 23; knees, 16)
Sensitive (to light, 8; to cold air – eyes -, 10; to noise, 13, 8; smell, 5 – everything smells bad: taste, 5)
Sensitive senses (7, 10, 8, 5, 13)
Sensation of coolness (eyes, 10; lips, 3; stomach, 10; lower back, 15)
Griping/cramping pain (abdomen, 13; abdomen, 19; right calf, 5; right side of palm of hand, agg.)
Sudden, acute pains (head, 8; head, 14; palm of hand, 5)
Shooting pain (head, 3; ear, 23; arms and legs, 16)
Stitching pain (abdomen, 5; abdomen, 19)
Stabbing pain (ear, 15; ear, 23; abdomen, l/side, 13)
Sharp pain (head, 15; ear, 15; ear, 10; abdomen, 5; down left leg, 15)
Constriction (head, 8; head 12; stomach, 8; chest, 8)
Fullness (stomach, 8; stomach 5; abdomen, 19; chest, 23)
Tightness (stomach, 8; chest, 15; chest 8)
Pressing (head, 15; head, 9; on eyes, 15; stomach, 8)
Blocked (ear, 16; ear, 23; nose, 3, 12)
Sneezing (3, 8, 5)
Clear, profuse discharge from nose (23, 5, 3)
Spots (face, 21, 5, 23)
Perspiration (face, 13; hands and feet, 10; whole body, 14)
Less appetite (19, 13
Trapped wind (8, 19, 23)
Anxiety felt in stomach (13, 10, 3)
Stiffness (back, cervical area, 15; knee and body, 12; knee and left arm, 16)
Toothache in molars, left side (13, 16)
Increased libido (15, 3)
Bursting (head, 15;
Boring pain (head, 13)
Throbbing pain (palm of hand, on rest, 5)
Darting pain (left arm, 19;)
Pain in knee, agg. Going upstairs and amel. pressure (5)
Sharp in a line across the abdomen (5)
Bearing down pains (abdomen, 23)
Bruised pain (uterus, 23; vulva, 23)
Coldness (toes and soles, 14; hands, 23)
Sensation of weight below sternum, like a heavy stone (23)
Redness (face, 5, 19)
Pulling up sensation (vertex, 21)
Severe pain across forehead, like a wave (14)
Migraine type headache, behind eyes (10)
Distension (abdomen, 19; abdomen, 3)
Distension, walking agg. (19)
Tight, oppressed feeling (chest, 15)
Sensitive breasts, lying on abdomen agg. (5)
Sensation of milk let-down as when breastfeeding 5 years ago (5)
Palpitations (15, 13)
Tightness, motion agg. (stomach, 8)
Headache on waking, centre of forehead (5)
Headache, centre of forehead (5, 3)
Sensation as if something is trapped on top of head, flapping its wings trying to get out, like a butterfly. (9)
Sensation something is moving inside which wants to get out (ear, 5)
Pressure amel. (head, 15; eyes, 19)
Sore pain (eyes, 19)
Swimming sensation (eyes, 21)
Floating sensation (head, 21)
Eyes feel big (23)
Increased sex drive (23, 15)
Weak lower back (23)
Diarrhoea, partly solid, partly watery, yellow brown (10
Stool, light yellow (23), yellow-brown (10), light brown (8)
Tickling (ear, 5)
Discharge sticky and clear (nose, 3)
Discharge thick, yellow (nose, 23, 3)
Eruptions, dry, scaly, margins of hair (21)
Eruptions, dry patches (face, 19)
Chilly, then overheated (14)
Metallic taste in mouth (13)
Disgusting taste (5)
Nausea, eating amel. (5)
Less thirst (19)
Offensive flatulence (19)
Trapped wind, rubbing and warmth amel. (19)
Feel I want tp push something out of my va-gina (23)
Dryness of skin (5)
Cracked skin, fingers (5)
Knee pain for 6 months after proving, agg. kneeling and bending.
Pain in left arm and shoulder amel. by lying on painful side
Ulcer (mouth, 10)