The proving was carried out at the North West College of Homoeopathy, Manchester.
15 provers. 3 male and 12 female. Age range 20-65.
The clearest, most transparent variety of Selenite was used for the proving. It was the Lapis specularis, as the Romans called it (‘mirror stone’). The proving Directors were informed that the mineral used in the proving came from Brazil. One of the proving Directors (RJ) prepared the substance himself at Helios pharmacy by the process of trituration as described by Hahnemann in his Organon and the Chronic Diseases.
The remedy was given in the 30C potency to all provers, except prover 23, who took the 200C. None of the provers appearing in this proving were given a placebo.
Marienglas, also women’s glass, Selenite or mirror glass (lapis specularis) is a variety of the mineral gypsum, and therefore, viewed from a chemical point of view, calcium sulfate (CaSO4·2H2O) containing high water content. It formed as salt deposits (evaporation of salt water) in seas millions of years ago. It is, among all the other varieties of Selenite, of a particularly high purity (there are no other anions mixed into it). The big, transparent crystals can be easily split into thin lamellas (flakes). It is a very soft mineral. The surface can easily be scratched with a fingernail.
Johan Gottschalk Walerius (1709-1785) gave to this mineral the name Selenite, possibly inspired by its pale blue reflection, which resembles the light of the moon (Selene – Σεληνη). Selenites in Greek means ‘moon stone’. The German name Marienglas derives from its use as a glass substitute in front of images of the Holy Mary and in containers for holy relics. Because it was used for the protection of images of the Holy Mary it was also called women’s glass in certain areas of Germany. The Romans used it as windowpanes because the quality of this type of Selenite was more even and of higher quality than the glass used then. Pliny the Elder (23-79) described in his encyclopaedia Naturalis historia the way Selenite was harvested and manufactured into windowpanes and lamps.
Marienglas deposits can be found in Germany (Bavaria, Hessen, Thuringia), Russia, Ukraine, Turkmenistan, Morocco, Tunisia, Mexico, USA and Australia.
Clarity of feeling. Very defined. Easy access to emotions.
Feeling of not making any apologies for who I am. Do what I want, e.g. don’t pay any attention to guests. At friends – great time there, connecting, intimate, very easy.
Desire to take more of the remedy: “I feel strong physically and emotionally.” (1st day)
Felt happy, relaxed and optimistic.
Anxiety wife coming back – would lose my space.
Very impatient with people. Don’t want to listen to them, want to solve things quickly, not say more – just do it. Don’t want to listen to anyone. “Just shut up.”
Very scatty and forgetful – still not ordered the remedies, it is important, yet I still forget. More impatient, anxious. Felt very ill, fear of being taken over by the remedy, then desire to take more. Went dancing. Confident and in charge, sheer enjoyment, felt girls (women) responded accordingly. Very defined and clear. I could get into opposition with others easily. “Don’t mess with me.”
Confidence, connecting, separateness – never really ‘merging’. Always defined.
Desire to be alone, I don’t want to be disturbed. “Don’t talk to me.”
Everything has to be on my terms.
Withdrawn in an active way. Very inconsiderate. Disinterested in other people’s affairs.
Very concentrated, very clear. I read quickly and retain things well.
Fearlessness, I want to go for it (e.g. taking more remedies). I don’t take any advice.
I feel that I should be strong and dominant.
Clarity about what should be done. Decisive, active, no hesitation. Very clear about what is right and what is wrong. I have clear solutions for everything. Everything is black and white.
Favour hard line approach in the war in Albania. NATO interference correct.
Very focussed. Read a lot and concentrated.
I am not torn from one side to another. I am not trying to please, to be nice.
I feel strong and dominant.
I feel impatient, short with people, I am abrupt, and yet I am scatty when it comes to important arrangements.
Feel lots of optimism, happiness, get a buzz from everything.
Very sensitive to noise and pollution.
Feeling of separateness without feeling detached or alienated. I feel solid as a block.
I feel impatient, “no crap, please.” (day 2)
The dominant side of my character is coming out. Who I am, my strengths. Power and clarity. I am not making any apologies. Real excitement, dynamism, everything feels shaken up.
Fearlessness, really want to go for it.
I mustn’t be impeded in any way, hindered or disrupted.
There is a particular openness which I didn’t have before. I can speak matter-of-factly about private things, “that’s life, that’s the way it is.”
I don’t qualify things, I don’t apologise. (day 4)
Had a great time at the party, I’m giggling, still laughing alone in bed.
With Steve: Talk about genuineness in art, music etc. I was clear and focussed, I was absolutely sure about what I was saying, without being dogmatic. Cultural values are handed down the generations, the ‘message in the bottle’ works. Secret communication between those who advance culture. I could communicate mystical, mysterious stuff very easily.
Very at ease with the students.
I am on a high, this thing is just great. I don’t want this to stop. I want to take more of the remedy. Life makes total sense.
In the middle of the evening it occurred to me: Is this the pathology – that I think that everything is clear, straightforward? It’s not!
My life is blessed.
I am feeling safe and happy.
I want to nourish myself with good food.
Lots of energy.
Lots of enjoyment with others. I want other people around.
I feel and am irresponsible. I feel a real joy at being irresponsible, and I laugh about it. (day 5)
[Suspicion, jealousy. Sudden suspicion. Paranoid frame of mind. Desire to be alone.]
Sexual thoughts. Base sex. No complications.
Feeling more cautious now. Worried about who is reading this. A few days ago I would have come out with anything.
Desire to return to regular meditation (previously this had gone completely).
I don’t feel the need to help friends, I have no desire to do so, and feel no guilt about it.
I don’t feel callous, that’s just the right thing to do. That’s life.
I don’t feel like a rock star anymore (like the days before).
I feel that I have to wrench every action from my own selfishness. The basis of all my actions is selfishness.
Everything is instinctively judged by how much pleasure it gives me. I feel my own little smutty selfishness.
I have a dirty mind. I could soil creation.
Is this a remedy for fake confidence? A remedy for those who delude themselves?
I feel as if I have been cut down to size, I’m getting small, shrink, I fall inside, I dwindle. Within minutes I fell from a great height. Pathetic.
I am not there where I think I am – all delusion. (Felt like that as a teenager).
I use any excuse to follow my pathetic animal nature.
Now I feel I live at the expense of my spirituality.
I feel that I pretend.
A few days ago there was a total absence of conscience. Now the superego is coming into play. (day 6)
Thoughts about the house. I realised that I only live in the house, like in a shell, I’m not really connected with it. I am not really and fully at home. (day 7)
Who am I really? Where am I? What if I’m nothing? Uncertainty, as if I’m not fully anchored in reality.
I need to get my life in order, to take control; I let too many things happen to me rather than putting my stamp on it. At the same time I feel sluggish and lazy.
I can’t make decisions. I’m marking essays, could be a first or a fail, I have no idea.
I don’t care what I’m wearing.
My selfishness is under the microscope.
Feel like an irresponsible teenager who only thinks of sex and wants to masturbate.
Obsessive jealousy towards my wife. Before that indifferent to her. [Absent abroad during the proving] [Is this change form total conviction to self-disgust important?]
I felt dirty, had two showers today. I need to come clean, I feel dirty.
I want to smoke even though I don’t like it.
I resist the change and the challenge. I’m just floating along in my own little space. I don’t want to see the issues.
Again very giggly, silly. I don’t want to sleep, much too excited.
[This level of self-reflection is not usual.] (day 8)
Desire to tackle issues. Get my house in order.
A kind of homecoming, house issues are coming. I am discovering my own house. (day 9)
There is less structure in my life than before, more disorder.
There is enjoyment to the full. Feeling of release and expansion.
At the moment I am interested in BIG things (like United winning the treble). Can’t be bothered with small things (like the relationship problems of one of my friends).
Intolerance to any restriction. (day 10)
I realise that I don’t want to be limited in any way. That I don’t want any responsibility. I have a very selfish perspective. (day 11)
Strong desire to be at home.
I am dismissive of people.
My life seems chaotic, everywhere these loose threads.
I don’t want to be checked anymore.
Leeds, homoeopathic seminar. Felt very removed from it. All this talk of spirituality seems preposterous. I just want to be home. (day 12)
I feel very defiant, why should I do this or that …
I feel very determined to sort things out. (day 13)
I don’t want to see people or friends, can’t be bothered. I don’t want to have any attachments, complications, I just want to be alone.
Beer, sex, football – what’s wrong with that? (day 14)
No nonsense, please.
Proving seems to counteract process of emasculation, therefore the throwback into puberty makes total sense. It has a lot to do with regaining the masculine side.
[Male and female side not connected]. (day 15)
Determination to sort things out.
Clarity, clear definition. Real.
TOTAL – is at the moment my favourite word.
What is reality, what fiction? All clear lines are blurred.
On one level things are falling apart, at the same time there is clarity.
There is messiness and some kind of order.
Genuineness. (day 16)
Now I feel my motives for sorting things out in the relationship are clear. No hidden agenda.
The whole thing has to do with finding our appropriate positions in this relationship, in this life really.
The penny dropped.
One-sidedness. Cannot see her side, and don’t want to. (day 17)
I feel determined. I love my home. (day 18)
Things are falling apart. Can’t and don’t want to do anything about it. (day 19)
Graduate ball – lust for life – exuberant, felt very connected with the people there. (day 20)
Don’t get on with things I have to do. Procrastinate on things.
Sadness coming up. Don’t know why.
Feeling of oppression and foreboding.
Do I only think I see it clearly?
Feeling that something very dreadful is going to happen.
Mixture of clarity and the feeling: Is all of this a total delusion on my part? (day 21)
My quiet side is coming to the front now.
Male side has to do with enjoyment and not feeling bad about it.
Home very important. A kind of power-base. I need to develop this. (day 23)
Flashbacks to the past, to do with loneliness, isolation. I have always tried to belong to something outside of myself.
I’m not understood, not listened to. I can’t make myself understood.
I’m not looked after or cared for.
Loneliness, I’m hiding at the moment, don’t answer messages, don’t want to see anyone, don’t want to talk. I’m alone with it, I’m not reaching out. (day 24)
Loneliness and isolation.
I am quite sure I am stuck in a pattern which reproduces isolation in intimate settings.
Need to unblock, open up, release. (day 27)
Feel in a sycotic state. Separated from the world through selfishness, egotism, lust, greed. A prickly state. Aggressive in its constant desire.
I can feel the diseased state.
The core of this is selfish sexuality. (day 28)
Feel no deep connection with the outside world.
Inside I feel empty, outside a bristling ego.
[Hate any consolation].
Inside I feel weak and helpless. Outside there is bravado.
Feeling of self-disgust. Fed up with myself.
Feeling that things are crumbling. (day 29)
Mind feels motivated, but can’t settle to do anything, standing around a bit blank.
Moving at a slower pace. (after 6 hours)
Great weariness. (after 9 hours)
Aggravated by family speaking to me. Voices. (after 11 hours)
Feel aggravated by company – voices annoy me, want to be quiet. Harmful aggression (daughter said I looked evil).
Left tutorial. Can’t be bothered writing things down. Didn’t want to listen.
Head clearer, more balanced, more aware and alert. I don’t feel heavy.
I feel like an animal, that wants to be free. I could have slept on the lawn.
I desire to be outside in the garden, feel more relaxed, feel more like me. I don’t like buildings and traffic.
I felt calm when I woke up. I didn’t want to be in the house. I feel stronger outside in the garden.
I want to get things sorted out and to get things done.
Mentally and physically I feel stronger to deal with sensitive things.
I am calm, and happy with my own company.
I need the light of candles. Warmth, brightness.
Feel more alert when temples are sore. (1st day)
Slow relaxed pace, I am not hurried.
I don’t want to write. Can’t be bothered.
I feel better outside, I am more laid back, not bothered.
I feel that my feet are firmly on the ground.
I am slow in the morning, with feeling of heaviness.
I want to communicate, I want to have contact with family and friends. (day 2)
I awoke feeling angry.
I don’t want company, and I don’t want to make conversation.
I am angry with daughter. She said I was ‘vile’.
My driving is erratic. I didn’t want to be in the car.
I am confused, I couldn’t find someone’s address.
I don’t want to speak to anyone.
I want to be alone.
I feel trapped when I’m inside.
I feel calmer.
Scowling. While in the house in the evening.
Depressed, angry feeling when inside.
Confusion about arrangements, times and days.
Desire to light candles. I kneel in front of candles. (day 3)
I could stay up all night. (day 4)
I cry and sob, deep sighs – past sadness, about a recent loss. (Grief from death of mum).
I remember word for word what happened three years ago.
Guilt: I realised that I was carrying guilt for something which I had no control over.
I want to be alone, be alone when I cry.
I felt > for crying.
My psychic abilities and my intuition are heightened.
Right and wrong feelings
I feel as if I lifted a great weight off my chest. (day 5)
I feel I have a serious disease. Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s.
I feel I’m dragging myself around like an old woman.
Confusion – can’t think of the right word when talking.
I still light candles.
Wrong and right issues – this is not right, etc. (day 6)
Weeping again, for 15 minutes without any reason.
I feel light, I sort things out.
My memory is gone blank. I cannot think of the word I’m searching for. It takes 4 or 5 minutes to find it. (day 7)
I feel calm, positive, close to husband and daughter.
I get things sorted, am organised.
Memory block – can’t even think of words. (day 8)
I feel angry, again right/wrong issues.
I have a strong need to communicate, to sort things out. (day 10)
There is a sense of calmness and love around me. (day 11)
Feel really sad and heavy. (day 12)
Wanted to be hugged.
Feelings of anxiety, no reason. (day 13)
Wanted to hug and touch everyone. (day 19)
Opportunity for jobs. Day of opportunity. Three job offers.
I missed my tutorial. I didn’t notice the time. (day 20)
Throughout the proving I didn’t bother about cleanliness, shaving legs and underarm hair. I didn’t have my hair styled nor filed nails. I wore always the same clothes I couldn’t be bothered.
Feeling of impending doom, didn’t want to take the remedies. ( just before taking the remedy)
Realisation of colours blue/yellow, very significant.
Rejection of rules, regulations of proving. I don’t want to be controlled by the guidelines. (after 11 minutes)
Sensitive to news of bombing (Chinese embassy).
Confusion – cannot work out the time, or whether to take a second dose. (after 1 hour)
Irritable and pissed off. ’I want to talk to the provers to see what they are thinking and feeling, that pisses me off because I’m not allowed to.’ [allowed underlined 3 times]
I need reassurance, I feel very insecure.
I feel singular and irritable.
‘Maybe this is what my vision in my dream is about, maybe the flowers represent the provers’ relationship with each other – close but singular. All of us having a lot in common, a close group but very individual and unable to communicate.’
I feel paranoid – is the proving book good enough? What will people say?
I felt different from the group in the clinic. I felt others against me. (after 2 days)
Day dream – man with gun will shoot me with a machine gun, I would have to hide somewhere.
I have a strong awareness of trees, I noticed their energy and strength. (after 3 days)
Sinister shadows, I feel that somebody is lurking in shadows. (after 4 days)
Sensation as if somebody was behind me, feeling of panic, as if they were creating anarchy. Followed by a sensation of a loud noise.
Spaced out feeling – anxiety in middle of body. (after 6 days)
I feel detached from the group, feel like an outsider. ‘I was with J’s family but felt like an outsider looking in rather than part of the group. On Sunday at the restaurant I felt it was a struggle.’ (after 8 days)
I feel quiet and detached in company. ‘I feel within myself a bit withdrawn, again singular, detached and different to everyone else.’
I have the feeling as if I followed a patient because I phoned her up. I felt I was controlling her.
I feel under attack, and I have nowhere to hide. (after 11 days)
I feel indecisive and unsure of myself. (after 13 days)
I keep losing things. (after 17 days)
I definitely feel more awake. (after 1 hour)
I can’t decide what to wear (unusual because I don’t plan ahead). (after 10 hours)
I want to laugh at everything hysterically. (after 11 hours)
My daughter (aged 8) said: “We’re all giggling a lot this morning, aren’t we.” I wasn’t aware that we were. I just want to giggle hysterically at everything. It’s hard not to laugh at what anyone says. (after 12 hours)
I’m forgetting loads of things. There’s a meeting tonight at school and I’d completely forgotten. (after 12 hours)
I can’t remember what I’m supposed to be doing.
The geese in the park sounded like they were laughing.
I’m not sure what’s happening this week. I can’t remember how far I’ve got with the case I’m writing up. I don’t know when I’ll be able to finish it in time to see my supervisor on Friday. This makes me want to laugh.
I still want to laugh. Coincidences – felt a lot happening, e.g. Bumped into the same person twice.
Roads seem risky and unpredictable. I didn’t seem to be taking care. If I saw a car coming I’d still cross. (after 13 hours)
Unable to hurry despite big black clouds – walking home from work, thinking it was going to rain. (1st day)
I’m hyper-irritable with children. I snap at my son – he’s quite taken aback. I feel they are bothering me unnecessarily. Why do they need me to help them? (1st day)
Still feel giggly when I’m talking to anyone. (1st day)
All my words are coming out wrong. It’s impossible to say things clearly and correctly. Describing where the pain is in my ribs was almost impossible. I’ve just mixed up various words, e.g. Ernest and elephant (!) When talking about something unrelated. Seems very funny. (1st day)
Can’t think at all what to wear. I think it’s to do with the inability to think and plan ahead. It’s somehow very difficult to do. Yesterday walking home I thought suddenly about the John Lennon song that says “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” (1st day)
I am laughing in totally inappropriate situations. In conversation at work I’m treating things like a joke. I’m worried it might be noticed. (1st day)
Things are getting mixed up, e.g. I put lots of papers in the wrong order without realising. (1st day)
The photocopier jammed. It was very funny! It didn’t seem to matter. (1st day)
Coincidence – walking home there was a man with his arm in a sling. We met another man with his arm in a sling coming the other way.
Feel wide awake at bedtime (Repeated day 18). (after 1st day)
Feel initially wide awake in morning but it doesn’t last. (after 1st day)
TV is VERY funny. I laugh a lot. I think I find it funny normally but not so extreme. (Repeated day 18) (after 2 days)
Feel more awake than usual at bedtime. (after 2 days)
I kept missing out letters from words or writing the wrong letters. (after 2 days)
The park felt dark and menacing, scary. The trees and undergrowth were scary. (after 2 days)
It felt really scary on motorway. It felt like everyone was taking risks. I didn’t like it. (after 2 days)
I didn’t want to wake up. I feel too tired. (after 3 days)
I want to suck my thumb, go into a corner and do nothing. (after 3 days)
I’m really cross with the children. (after 3 days)
I feel if anything goes wrong I might cry. (after 3 days)
I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s hard to motivate myself. (after 3 days)
I want to hide away and not see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. (after 3 days)
Everything is a struggle this morning. (after 3 days)
I can’t think clearly about what I’m supposed to be doing. (after 3 days)
My daughter was really down, she said she felt sad – no reason. She spent 30 minutes just sitting doing nothing (very unusual). (after 3 days)
Another coincidence. 2 people from the past suddenly phoned at the same time. I used to work with both of them. (after 3 days)
I wanted to get away from people, go to bed and sleep forever. (day 3)
Things seem very positive. I feel really good. (day 4)
I’ve got no idea what’s happening next week – I haven’t thought about it at all. (day 4)
I realised I have been thinking about me all the time. I haven’t been interested in anyone else at all. (day 4)
Calm feeling before falling asleep over last three nights. (day 4)
Another coincidence concerning building. (day 4)
Coincidence about slugs – someone says something and it manifests in reality. (day 4)
I feel in control though actually I’m not. It’s not bothering me at all. I feel calm about. (day 4)
Everything felt really good today. I felt motivated to do things. (day 5)
We have an argument about what to have for tea. It makes me want to cry. I also want to sulk. It’s completely trivial but it seems enormous. I think it’s because I don’t want to be disagreed with. How dare he argue with me? I am angry really. (day 5)
I don’t want to write anything. I can’t be bothered. I don’t feel like doing anything. Big blank. (day 5)
I felt that pouring boiling water on my foot might be better than feeling like this.
BIG issues around our relationship. It started very fleetingly about 2 pm when it was all so beautiful and perfect and I just thought he doesn’t love me, that I loved the children enormously but that I needed him and he only needed me by default and that he might become more assertive and leave, though he wouldn’t because of the children. So this was all enormously overwhelmingly depressing, a bit sad but that wasn’t the top feeling. I did feel like crying but I didn’t. I couldn’t talk. I just went to sleep.
The coming few days now seem absolutely overwhelming and complicated. I can’t even think about them, I don’t know what to do. At present I don’t feel able to do anything.
I woke up at 7 because the children were talking. I was FURIOUSLY ANGRY with them. I swore at them and slammed their door. I thought “I can’t face today if it’s going to be like this.”
The next time I woke I felt a bit better.
The time after that I felt a lot better.
I’m scared of feeling as bad as I did last night.
I know I’ve got lots of things to do but I can’t think of what they are, and I certainly can’t imagine when and how to do them. I’m still unable to think ahead properly. (day 6)
I feel like I’m not in the future at all. I can’t plan ahead. The week ahead is full of surprises. It’s very disconcerting. But it’s also really difficult to plan, to work out how I’m going to do things. It’s hard to add up my hours at work and to work out how to fit things together. (day 7)
Last week seems a million years ago. Even yesterday seems very distant. I have think hard how to tie the apron behind my back, something that I usually do automatically. (day 7)
Walking to work, I try to plan the week in my head. Normally I can do this well. I can’t even remember if there’s anything I need to do tonight! It makes me laugh! (day 7)
Basic calculations are impossible, e.g. Hours at work, prices of balloons and helium etc. (day 7)
I’m really bored. I don’t have any enthusiasm for work. It’s a trudge. (day 7)