(“He’s an irresponsible parasite, with catagorically noooooo prospects!” –The Great Muppet Caper) Mati, Staphysagria! I know we’ve discussed this before, but I feel we have a great opportunity to see the remedy close up. I have a client, “Joy”, who grew up with a father who
(“He’s an irresponsible parasite, with catagorically noooooo prospects!” –The Great Muppet Caper)
Mati, Staphysagria! I know we’ve discussed this before, but I feel we have a great opportunity to see the remedy close up. I have a client, “Joy”, who grew up with a father who yelled at the top of his lungs–everyone in the household was scared to death of him; so, probably not surprisingly, she married a Staphysagria. Yes, I know; Staphysagria’s supposed to be so sweet, so kind, so deferential; but, that extreme of self-sacrifice implies the opposite as well! Polarities, remember?
Joy is willing to share her husband with us for the sake of science! Joy is a Pulsatilla, she’s very yielding, as you might guess. She didn’t want to marry this Staphysagria guy, but, he CRIED! He begged her to marry him! She thought, “If he’s crying, he must really love me, and I couldn’t possibly hurt his feelings!” Now, surprise-surprise, the husband turns out to be immature, bossy and controlling. When she visits her in-laws, the husband bands together with them and they all gang up on Joy. It’s as if the husband is trying to bond with his parents at her expense! He was no doubt abused by them in some way. Now he attempts to curry their favor! The mother-in-law’s posture is that Joy has stolen her son away from her! Below is Joy’s recitation of her last visit to her in-laws. She was supposed to have gone to her sister-in-law’s wedding but didn’t because Staphysagria picked a fight with her at the last minute–again! Mati, feel free to comment where appropriate in Joy’s letter below:
Hi Elaine,
I am back from my visit. I didn’t have access to internet connection for some time and then I forgot my password and I couldn’t get into my mail.
I had a great time at my parents’ place. I was feeling very happy and looking forward to being home. I had a very pleasant and peaceful time at home. But as the time to visit my in-laws started nearing, I started getting neck and back pain, feeling scared and not getting any sleep. Then my husband came to visit me from visiting with his parents, and we had a pleasant day but at night he started fighting with me over rather trivial things and it went on and on. And again, he took back all the things he promised previously about his parents, how he would side with me, and said that nothing is their fault, they had a different set of expectations, etc. and I am the one who is being very unadjusting!
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Elaine, it’s Mati jumping in here; Staphysagria is so tuned in to what others expect from him that he can’t see things from anyone else’s point of view. Let me tell you a story about a client of mine named “Tina”, whose husband was Staphysagria: Tina and her husband went to visit his mother in Florida many years ago. Tina’s son was 18 months old, and still nursing. The husband freaked out when he realized that his wife would be nursing in front of his family members. He told his wife that his younger sister thought nursing was “gross” and he couldn’t imagine her nursing in front of his mother and all her old- fashioned friends. He demanded that Tina quit before the trip so nobody would get embarrassed. What if they got a glimpse of her breast??? God forbid!
Tina told him that stopping nursing was out of the question! She agreed to wear huge, lose tops that would drape down and cover any “indecency”.
This is definitely a Staphysagria trait – he was more concerned with what others would think of him, and about the possibility of public humiliation, than about what was best for his own baby! “Humiliation” is a big word in Staphysagria. The funny thing was, the family didn’t mind Tina nursing at all, it was all in his head! So, back to Joy’s letter.
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Lots of people don’t like their inlaws, he told me, so what? They deal with them and don’t behave like I do.I got very upset after he left for his parents’ home. I decided that I am going to break it off with him and I didnt answer the phone for 2 days. When he finally got a hold of me, he cried so much over the phone at his parents’ house, begging and pleading with me, etc., and his parents, of course, were shocked because he had always taken up with them against me, that they swore they would never interfere in our lives again.
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I’ll jump in here. Trying to please his parents and ruining his own relationship with his wife in the process is typical of Staphysagria. Then the wife rejects him, and the rejection makes him realize that he is about to lose her if he doesn’t shape up. So, he has to quickly change sides.
The whole thing is very childish! Being more interested in pleasing the parents than in standing up for his wife shows that he is still more of a boy than a husband. Husbands don’t need to please their parents. They are grown up and are more interested in living their own lives. But Staphysagria hasn’t grown up. He is still just a kid who is afraid of what his parents think.
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He kept pleading with me that this time things are going to be different since now his parents know how much I mean to him and last time they didnt know. I am a soft hearted person so is my mom and I couldn’t take all the crying and begging and so, I went back to him but I refused to go to my in-laws place, nor attend the wedding. That’s that. And on the way back home, I got lot of neck pain and now again am having lot of shoulder and neck pain.
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Her husband is “a pain in the neck!” He has to stop being such a pain. The pain in the neck is a reflection of the fact that she is not expressing to him what a pain he is all the time. The neck is 5th chakra, which is the chakra of self expression and voice. Voice it, and the neck will clear. (The relationship may not survive it, but the neck will feel a lot better.)
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I don’t think my husband would agree to fill out the whole questionnaire for you to treat him. He saw a part of my partially filled out questionnaire and got angry saying that I am bad mouthing about him to strangers and now uses it every time he wants to make me feel guilty. He is always spying on me trying to check my emails my chat conversations and he listens to my phone conversations very alertly whenever he is around.***
Staphysagria is so oversensitive emotionally that he is very defensive about anything that is said about him. This is why counseling is useless for a Staphysagria. They won’t even listen to the counselor because they are so defensive the counselor can’t possibly get their trust. Defensive, suspicious, afraid of being misrepresented.
It is all about upholding an image or a reputation so they won’t end up getting humiliated or disrespected in any way. They basically trust no one!
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Oh, he was always very possessive about me. Doesn’t like me wearing very good clothes to the office or wearing new clothes when I visit family or friends with out him.
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This reminds me, the same client I mentioned earlier, Tina, after she had her baby, she had lost enough weight that she was able to buy herself a new two-piece bathing suit so that she could visit the local swimming pool. She called Staphysagria into the fitting room and asked if he liked the bathing suit. He told her he loved it, but then all of a sudden asked, “You are not planning to wear that thing in public, are you?” She said, “Of course I will!” He was obviously uncomfortable about that. She wore it to the swimming pool once, and on the way home, he said that she should never wear it again if she wanted to go to the pool with him. He told her she looked like one of those Victoria‘s Secret models, which according to him, was a horrible thing and he was horribly angry about it! He even told her that her skin was too pale to be wearing a two-piece bathing suit.
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He doesn’t like me going alone to visit my family or friends. He always wants me to be available to him. But I have noticed his spying behavior only after I walked out on him.
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Talk about “spying behavior” – a few months after Tina and her Staphysagria husband broke up, she found a new boyfriend. Staphysagria quickly found out about it and did everything he could to get rid of him. He took two weeks off from work so he could come over to her place and look in the windows! He went through the trash looking for beer bottles, and he went into her shed and rummaged through her stuff. Not surprisingly, the new boyfriend disappeared after only three weeks of this, and the ex felt very proud of himself. He said he was just looking out for his son’s best interest (nice excuse).
Then, when she met her current husband, he tried to do the same thing again! He came over, took her stuff, screamed in the fiancé’s face, etc. but the fiancé, who had gone to school in a bad neighborhood in England, was just waiting for an opportunity to flatten this guy! Luckily, Staphysagria finally realized this and backed off.
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He keeps trying to check up on what I am telling my family and my close friends. And this time when I went to visit my family he kept wanting me to call every few hours and later confessed that he felt that my parents might be arranging for me to meet with some other guy since he is not good enough for me!!! He feels that he is lower than me in looks, education, family, etc.
Well qualified Homeopaths are so rare in USA.
My friend/love has has many staphis indications but not so much the mentals but I may not be objective enough or she may be more mature and still be in need of it Victoria Snelling in Louisville KY is closest Homeopath. I enjoyed the insights into staphisagria. I am also looking for practioner. I spend half my time in Boca Raton, FL and half in Lexington, KY.