Caught between past disappointments and uncertain plans for the future.
42 y.o. female first seen December 14, ’09
I’ve been struggling with depression since March. My partner left; he moved on. I can’t break out of these old feelings. I want to have my old life back, or have a new life. I’m working so hard at just maintaining . . .
I want help getting back in balance. I want to get unstuck.
I had a vision of what my life was going to be. Now that’s all changed. I thought I’d grow old with Juan. We talked about opening a Bed and Breakfast (hotel). We had a lot of rituals we’d built in over the past eleven yearsâ€”now that’s all gone.
It’s hard to re-write my script. It feels like the end for me. I felt terror; I couldn’t breathe. I felt terror, anxiety, fear. I just cry for no reason, I break down into tears. I can’t get a grip. I have to go off and hide.
I can’t be an emotional wreck at work. Everything’s fallen apart. I’m treading water but barely maintaining. It shouldn’t be this hard. It feels horrible. I don’t even know if it’s possible to re-write the script.
Practitioner: Can you describe more about the feelings?
Loneliness, rejection, replaced, unworthy, not good enough, I’ll never be good enough, desperate, pathetic, unlovable, undesirable, disappointed, disillusioned, not trusting, hopeless, exhausted, I can’t keep working on this, it’s too hard.
I feel detached and ungrounded. Part of me feels like I wasted my youth. I’m old. I’ll never find another partner. I could’ve found someone to share my life with. I thought that person would be Juan, but I feel deceived, as if my spirit’s crushed. I feel broken.
The relationship is gone. I fought for it and lost the battle. I really wanted another child, but held off because Juan didn’t want to. Now it’s too late.
It feels like it’s over, almost impossible to start again. It’s too late. I’ve done everything great I’m going to do in my life: being a mother of two kids was the greatest thing I’ve done in my life. That’s over. Then I get dumped by my partner. That’s over, too.
I’m definitely feeling ungrounded.
I want to escape, but I don’t know how or where. I just keep crying and crying.
I can’t re-write the old chapter, and don’t even know if it’s possible to re-write the new chapter.
Practitioner: More about the feelings?
I’m stuck in the muck, ungrounded, detached, wanting to escape into my own world. I’m deeply disappointed, I’ve lost trust, I’m deeply disillusioned with people and their potential. There’s loneliness.
I wanted to grow old with someone. I don’t think that will ever happen again. I feel like we were a family, and now we’re not. I felt like we’d grow old together, until one of us died in the other’s arms.
It’s dangerous and toxic for me to hold on to what’s gone.
Practitioner: Can you describe more about “re-writing the script”?
I used to know what that script was, but now I don’t. There’s an element of fear. Juan was a very stabilizing force in my life. It’s as if someone pulled the rug out from under me and I don’t know how to get that back.
Before I met Juan I had chronic fatigue syndrome. I was sick for many years. I was really lonely. My whole sense of the universe was shaken. It was a frightening, frightening, lonely journeyâ€”very disconnected.
I’d see couples all around me. I’d wish I had a partner who was there day to day who would be present, supportive, there for me, someone to be there for me. It was a feeling of total isolation. I felt cut off from everyone, completely alone, really afraid, like I was dying.
Practitioner: Any tendencies to sense other people’s energies?
Yes, all the time. I can feel what’s going on with them even before they tell me.
I have a recurrent dream of driving in a car. I come to a crossroad, with the unknown up ahead. I always decide to go back into the familiar. I’m afraid of moving forward. There’s a fear I’ll be lost, not ever reaching a final destination. It’s like I want to move forward. It looks magical, mystical, but I’m seized by fear and I have to go back to what’s familiar. The stability along with the unknown creates a sense of excitement: ‘There really could be something beyond!’
Assessment: The client describes an extreme state of sadness and disconnection, not able to leave thoughts of the past, nor able to move forward into a new life. She feels ungrounded. Although she feels disconnected, she also has the ability to sense others’ energies.
The noble gases, at the far right of the periodic table, are known for a state of dormancy (or “limbo”)–almost like a winter solstice, where one season has ended and another has yet to begin. If the table is drawn in a spiral, then it’s easier to see how a noble gas resides between the element preceding it, and the next heavier element following it. In this client’s case, she describes a sadness and disappointment of separation, caused by the previous break-up with her partner, and the feeling that she’ll never be able to build another family. So her experience sits between muriaticum (connection/disconnection; sadness, disappointment) and kali (family, structure).
Plan: Argon LM 2
Follow-up March 1, 2010
I’m feeling very good. I just started the LM 3. By January 1st things just turned around for me. I had a turnaround; I’ve been feeling really good. Everything shifted; it was dramatic.
There was a dream of a threatâ€”these guys were trying to rape me. I had a feeling ‘I’m going to get out of this’, and I did. I woke up feeling liberated. I didn’t feel unsettled. It was almost like a triumph.
I’ve been feeling much more grounded, hopeful, confident, optimistic, connected. My job’s really challenging, but not stressing me out. My overall energy is good. It’s been better with the remedy, better than it’s ever been. Sleep has been good. I’m happy, relieved with the turnaround.
The client has continued with new LM remedies about every two months for the past year, keeping in touch as needed (due to financial circumstances she has not followed up directly in the office).
In a phone follow-up on Mar. 2, 2011, she stated:
“I was doing really well for eight months or so. Things were getting back on track and I was feeling wonderful. Then a series of problems started happening at my job, where I was asked to teach and I have no teaching experience. Then I broke my ankle and I was completely dependent on others. An eleven-month relationship ended at the same time that I broke my ankleâ€”he left me for another woman (laughing).
Even though I experienced a lot of anxiety when all that was happening, the feeling of disconnection wasn’t as strong. I came out (recovered) from those experiences much faster than I would have in the past.
When I take the remedy I feel much less anxiety. It also really helps with my energy levels. I’d like to go up to the next higher potency!
Plan: Increase to Argon LM 9; continued follow-up as needed.
As this person continues in her healing journey with argon, she’s ever-more resilient and optimistic about moving on with her life. She even laughed (ironically) when relating the story of her latest break-up. As reflected by her progress, the noble gases in general offer exceptional homeopathic healing potentials, which are also reflected in their chemistry. Devoid of boundaries, these gases are unique in that they’re sensitive to their environment, and yet do not bond with other elements. By viewing the periodic table in a spiral format, one can see how they’re closely related to the elements which precede and follow them–“caught” between the resonance of the individual’s past history and the dilemmas surrounding their uncertain future.