A Case of Depression

(5^th April 2009)

PASSIVE CASE TAKING

D: Describe your problem. Whatever is bothering you just talk about that in detail?

P: Problem actually started couple of months back. I have completed my masters in virology. I want to do PHD in virology. I went to Zurich for further studies and I failed in the interview. I could not take the rejection and it was traumatising. The presentation went so wrong. I started off very badly and as it went on and on I became so nervous that I took a few seconds to even tell my name. I was giving such stupid answers. There was no connection in what I was talking about and what was displayed on the power points. The faces of my judges went blank and then and there I knew that I have not done well at all. I wanted to hide away from things and I wanted to behave as if I did not exist (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards). I was trying to run away from things. I was not coming out of the house. I wanted to stay indoors. I was not talking to anyone. I was not eating anything. It was quite a traumatising situation. My confidence had shattered. I started underestimating myself. I went to a psychiatrist and he gave me some anti depressants. The tablets would make me dizzy so I could not take it. For about three months I tried taking those pills but I was not happy with the treatment. Right now I am in a total soup and everything is such negative. All I want to do is hiding away from things.

I am not meeting my guide here in India. I am continuously postponing things. I am doing contradictory things. There is a hell of a lot of confusion going in my mind. That is what is happening to me right now!

D: Tell me more about you as a human being. To treat you I need to understand everything about you, other than this current situation.

P: Now I have to send my C.V. to other universities. Everything is ready on my computer but I am not doing anything about it. It is like you have not done your homework. My guide says it is ok. Don’t be so hard with your own self. Focus on your priorities. Take it step by step. I talk a lot to my friend. She is my counselor sort of. It helps me a lot. I had not thought of this interview. She only asked me to come here. I am just pulling things out from air and talking. I am not able to connect things.

I have O.C.D. I become obsessively compulsive about many things. The steady graph of my life is becoming undulating. I have always been a person who has been as a counselor to other people and now I keep wondering, how can I be in such a state? I am not able to forgive myself. I am quite a chatter box but now days I am not able to talk a lot. I have become stupidly superstitious. I am not bothering about my health as I used to do. I do not feel the craving for food. Not eating really. My friends are constantly complaining that I am running away from things and that I have gone into hibernation. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand)

D: You are doing well. Bit more about you.

P: Socially I am not able to interact. I went to a party the other day and I choose not to talk to anyone and I went to another room and sat there with my drink. I keep judging myself and I find myself out of place in such social gatherings. I prefer to stay in isolation and hide out. I just keep thinking I just need to run away and snap out of here. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards). Personality wise I have just crashed. I feel like kicking myself hard in my back. I repent pathetically. If I be bad to someone or do something stupid then I repent. I am bothering about things that I should not bother about, just giving excuses for not working.

What else should I say…?

D: Just be with yourself and keep talking.

P: I keep analysing myself. I keep correcting everything. If I talk I keep looking for grammatical mistakes that I make. I do not feel good when people observe me. That is the reason why I do not go to any mall or theatre. I prefer staying alone. I want to be by myself but I am feeling pathetic by myself so I am trying to do something and I am not doing something. I am trying to do things very hard, but the wrong things. I am not even talking to myself. I am going blank. I am in a fix and I do not know what to do about it. I am just running away from everything. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards)

I am feeling so vulnerable and stupid. I am not myself. I just want to be myself.

D: Go on, just keep talking….

P: Sometimes I stammer or mutter. I feel under confident. I don’t like to be like that. One of my friends, if she walks in a classy place she feels out of place. She feels out of place there, as if she does not belong there. She does not enjoy being there. I am not like that. She keeps saying to me I hate being the centre of attraction and just feel like running away.

D: What else about you?

P: I just want a good PHD position. I do not like to be in this situation. I am just so sad. All my friends have got into good PHD positions and I am not. I just want this situation to end somehow. I wish I could just snap out of it, hide away. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards)

ACTIVE CASE TAKING:

D: You said you want to run away, snap out, hide….what do you mean by this? Describe this to me in detail?

P: I do not want to face these situations. I do not want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone, all by myself.

D: Just be with these words, whatever comes up in general to talk about these words.

P: It is like disappearing. Just snap out, disappear (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards) Just become invisible. Do not be in contact with anyone. Do not bother about anything else. But I want to do interact. I am constantly contradicting something.

D: Just be with these words. In general whatever comes up.

P: (closes his eyes.) It is like just acting as if nothing went wrong. Just become invisible. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards) Like you are there but you become invisible. Just shut yourself. Have you read Harry Potter? He has this huge cloak and whenever there is danger he just covers himself with the cloak and disappears. He is there but cannot be seen. Becoming one with the surrounding, being there but not there. You are relatively safe there. You do not react. (Opens his eyes)

ACTIVE-ACTIVE CASE TAKING

D: Just keep your eyes closed. Whatever comes up naturally out of your imagination to talk about all these things just keep talking?

P: Not revealing you, trying to be someone else. But behaving like someone else in your surroundings. But refraining yourself from being seen. Be there but not visible. Deceiving, more of portraying to be someone else! Pretending to be someone else! Like putting up a mask in a party!

This all is done maybe to protect your own self from danger, to survive from an outside threat. It is more like being behind a protective boundary. Being like what is conducive to that environment. It is like you try to be a part of the environment. Be a part of it so that you identity is not seen.

D: What do you mean conducive to that environment, invisible, portraying to be someone else?

P: I can think of biology or zoology. Like how a few fishes or the aquatic animals behave. They can camouflage or blend with the surrounding. They are evolved that way. He colour or the patterns that they have on the body change. (HG: showing waves and wriggly movements with the fingers of the right hand )

D: Talk about this camouflage or blending with the surrounding?

P: First of all it is for deceiving the prey or to save you from a predator. You can just sneak out without being harmed. (HG: flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards)They change as the environment changes. They can change their shape, colour, size and be like the surrounding. I can think of the underwater animals. They have the ability to change themselves completely to blend.

The moment I said camouflage and blending with the surrounding, changing as per the situation I can relate it to the octopus. Like I changed from botany to virology! I have this ability of changing. I loved botany but I came into a new environment and blended quickly with this science.

D: What do you mean?

P: I mean I can co-relate myself with the ability of the octopus to change it with the surrounding. It is an amazing quality that this animal possesses. Even if you pass by you will not be able to notice it is there. It will just be there without moving. Totally blending with the surrounding! I just don’t like it. It is so wriggly. It is like tentacles and like jelly mass, so ugly! (HG: moves all the fingers of both the hands to show the tentacles) Few people even eat it. God knows how they do it. The jelly like substances is very tough to chew. I would just run away from it. It can even go through a tube, it can deform itself to any extend.

Yuucckk…!!! (the whole body shudders)

ANALYSIS OF THE CASE:

Peculiar expressions in passive case taking:

• My confidence had shattered.
• I want to be by myself but I am feeling pathetic about myself
• I could not take the rejection and it was traumatising.
• I wanted to hide away from things and I wanted to behave as if I did not exist
• I was trying to run away from things.
• I was not coming out of the house. I wanted to stay indoors.
• My friends are constantly complaining that I am running away from things and that I have gone into hibernation.
• I just need to run away and snap out of here.
• I do not feel good when people observe me. That is the reason why I do not go to any mall or theatre. I prefer staying alone.
• I am feeling so vulnerable
• I hate being the centre of attraction and just feel like running away.
• I wish I could just snap out of it, hide away.

Focus of the case:

• Run away, snap, hide away.

Level of experience:

• He talks about various situations, so the level of experience is delusion. His potency would be 1M

He seems to be in touch with himself

Questions would be related directly about the pattern, experience.

Peculiar expressions in active case taking:

• Not revealing you.
• Trying to be someone else.
• Refraining yourself from being seen. Be there but not visible.
• Deceiving, more of portraying to be someone else!

Closes his eyes, kept hand gestures repeating often!

Peculiar expressions in active-active case taking:

• Pretending to be someone else! Like putting up a mask in a party!
• To protect your own self from danger.
• It is more like being behind a protective boundary.
• Being like what is conducive to that environment.
• It is like you try to be a part of the environment. Be a part of it so that your identity is not seen.

Source identification:

• Fishes or the aquatic animals.
• Camouflage or blend with the surrounding. The colour or the patterns that they have on the body changes.
• It is for deceiving the prey or to save you from a predator.
• Change as the environment changes. Change their shape, colour, size and be like the surrounding.
• I can relate myself to the octopus. Like I changed from botany to virology!
• I have this ability of changing. I loved botany but I came into a new environment and blended quickly with this science.
• Totally blending with the surrounding! I just don’t like it. It is so wriggly. It is like tentacles and like jelly mass, so ugly! Few people even eat it. God knows how they do it. The jelly like substances is very tough to chew. I would just run away from it. It can even go through a tube, it can deform itself to any extend.
• Yuucckk…!!!

Energy pattern:

• Flexes the fingers of his right hand and pulls it backwards

Analysis:

Kingdom: Animal Kingdom

In the active-active case taking the patient clearly mentions this mechanism of hiding, sneaking away, blending with the surrounding is to save yourself from external danger or harm or to survive. This suggests that the kingdom we are dealing with is the animal kingdom.

Sub Kingdom: Mollusc / cephalopods

The entire pattern talks about a defence mechanism that is seen in the mollusc, that of hiding, camouflaging, sneaking away, blending with the environment! There is a connection later at the non human level with the aquatic animals and fishes.

The patient’s hand gesture of flexing the fingers of his right hand and pulling it backwards is quite common in the mollusc cases. It suggests the defence mechanism of withdrawing.

But the withdrawing is not going into a shell. It is more like changing colours, hiding, sneaking away, and disappearing. A flight mechanism is involved. This is more common in the cephalopods than gastropods as they are the variety of mollusc which do not have a shell of their own but they escapes suddenly in face of danger, throw a defence or camouflage.

Source: Octopus.

As the patient identifies with the source itself, it becomes clear that the source is Octopus.

Plan: Lesser Octopus 1M Single dose and S.L. pills.

Reference from the book / proving:

The survival: Mollusc part 1 and 2 (Dr. Rajan Sankaran)

The Vital quest software: Expressions common to mollusc:

• Retreating into the confines of the shell
• Vulnerability when exposed to the outer world
• Protective shell

Expressions common to cephalopods:

• Camouflage
• Fast movement
• Tentacles
• Deceit
• Distracting and running away
• Blend
• Appear larger

Expressions common to Octopus:

• Flexible
• Cut off
• Detach
• Imitate
• Mimic
• Pose up
• Impersonate

1^st Follow up (after one month)

D: How are you feeling?

P: Same things all over. Not feeling confident all over. After the powder doses I called you, my low state really went up to its peak. Couldn’t deal with it! I was struggling a lot. But now I feel, I don’t know I have some internal feeling of betterment. Towards the end of last month I felt some change. I am also getting some new applications. I am feeling a little calm, a soothing effect.

D: Generally how are? The feeling of running away, hiding, snapping away that you spoke about, how is it?

P: It is still there. A little better I can say but I am constantly aware of it. But a little less in intensity!

Plan: S.L.

2^nd Follow up (After 3 months)

P: I am screwing up all the things. Nothing is going well. I am underestimating myself. Feeling extremely low, it is very irritating. I want to be better. I am running away. I am getting nightmares.

D: Tell me about the nightmare

P: I am driving a bike and the road is ugly, mushy, and marshy. There is someone who is chasing me and I feel that person is going to pounce on me. I am driving so fast and taking quick turns so that I can disappear.

D: Disappear?

P: Yes just poooffff….(Same HG) And I am gone. Somehow I manage to run away. Quickly change the appearance. Not to be seen.

Plan: Lesser Octopus 1M, 1 dose repeated.

3^rd Follow up (After 6 months)

P: Doctor I think the medicine is working. Things are seemingly better. I am feeling myself, and much more confident. Dealing with things better, I am not running away from things anymore.

Plan: S.L.

From this follow up onwards I could see that the entire sensation of running away, snapping, hiding away, need to disappear and become invisible, slowly diluted. He sounded very confident to me and started generally improving. I did not repeat the dose, just asked him to keep a follow up every month. It has been 3 years now. He finally got a P.H.D. position and went to Zurich. He still keeps mailing me about his progress. He never required a repetition. Totally only 2 doses were given.

END OF THE CASE!

Book References for case witnessing process:

Journey into the human core by Dr. Dinesh Chauhan

Scientifically intuitive case witnessing process by Dr. Dinesh Chauhan