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The Concept of Excess Through Inter-personal Relationship and Hoarding

Ajit Kulkarni
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Live life in Excess” are the four words that set the stage for an unparalleled experience. Excess is for the select few that savour the extra special in life, with the perfect blend of Progressive Global Cuisine, an International Live Band, an In House DJ and World Class Bartenders. Excess is a lifestyle, so Indulge, Live it up and Experience life in Excess”.

Does this ad represent the mantra of the modern man? Should we define whether this is normal / abnormal, physiological / pathological, individual / social, miasmatic /demiasmatic etc.? You may ask me why I am making the things perplexing. You may argue that these issues are already difficult. You may also render the philosophy – ‘Just go ahead’, ‘Indulge’. ‘Don’t think further’. ‘Just flow yourself’. ‘Life is large and a human being is too small to enjoy the excess of life’.

What is excess? Excess is a relative term. Individual priorities and resources have a big say in the issue of excess. Still excess can be defined, provided we do study interconnections and parameters well! The social parameters should not be brushed aside. The conscience, which judges inside, is the individual parameter.

We will try to discuss the issue of excess in two ways – inter-personal relationship and hoarding. For a homoeopath, it is essential know the dimensions of excess. He has to first define what is normal and then has to decide what is excess or abnormal.

Interpersonal Relationship

We will begin with relationships. It is said that life is nothing but relationships. An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. It may be based on several factors like love, business or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences and the context can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs, neighbourhood, places of worship, rather, any subject .

Relationships usually involve some level of interdependence. People in a relationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings and engage in activities together. Because of this interdependence, most things that change or impact one member of the relationship will have some level of impact on the other member. The study of interpersonal relationship involves several branches of the social sciences, such as sociology, psychology, anthropology, etc.

Interpersonal relationships are dynamic systems that change continuously during their existence. Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a life span and an end. They tend to grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives and form new relationships.

George Levinger’s Model

Psychologist George Levinger proposed one of the most influential models of relationship development. According to the model, the natural development of a relationship follows five stages:

  1. Acquaintance – Becoming acquainted depends on previous relationships, physical proximity, first impressions and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely.

  2. Buildup – During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for intimacy, compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues.

  3. Continuation – This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long-term friendship, romantic relationship or marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.

  4. Deterioration – Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment and dissatisfaction may occur and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayals may take place as the downward spiral continues, eventually ending the relationship. (Alternately, the participants may find some way to resolve the problems and reestablish trust.)

  5. Termination – The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by death in the case of a healthy relationship or by separation.

The benefit of this model is that one can see the stage in which the quality of relationship exists and one can anticipate the outcome.

Relationships: New and Too many

Every new relationship opens up new explorations, new worlds, new avenues, new possibilities, new responsibilities, new learning and it adds to the repertoire of life. When a person is unrelated he is alone, but with relationship, sharing begins. This addition may be positive, negative or neutral. If the relations are positive, it fostering the relations. Negative relations result in severing the relations and finally cutting them off. It is necessary that the objective of relations should be clearly defined. Many good relations wither, out of no common goal or the relations remain at a frivolous level. It is interesting to note that a person creates relationship and is also shaped by the relationship.

Some people don’t see the demerits of too many relations. They get swayed by the influences relations exert upon them. Remember, relationships cause a lot of chaos in life and there is the extra burden of maintaining them. “We are more affected by our relations to each other, than by our physical environment…The serious dangers and troubles of human life arise from difficulties of adjustment with our social environment” (Perkins, 1898 as cited in Appelrouth & Edles, 2008). Perkins lends support to the idea that human evolution is no longer based on the natural environment, but the social environment, which we have created.

It is important to figure out who are the most significant people in our lives who demand our attention and time, and which relationships are keeping us occupied for no reason. Managing the relationships is as important as managing time. The best example in this digital world is the use of social media like Facebook! There are many people in the friends list whom we do not even remember, yet we are still sharing our personal matters with them. Life will become more complex if one enters in more and more relationships. The relations should be based on quality rather than on quantity. It is better to be truly loved by few rather than just liked by all. Do we want to be known by a lot of people who hardly understand us? In business, one can understand the gathering more people. There is a qualitative difference between business relations and intimate relations. Intimate relations are based on the foundation of trust, love and personal sharing.

Relationships: Toxic

People often seek new relations as they get bored very soon. They may flow between old and new relations. Most people are discontented and they run after new relations in search of happiness. Some relations are fixed ones, given to us by Almighty. Our parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, even neighbours are fixed! In the work area too, we have the same people with us for a long time.

Discontentment results if the rhythm doesn’t match in the relationship. A person’s wishes, intentions, aspirations, ambitions, motives, needs and greed – all play a role in being discontented. People put their priorities first and try to fulfill them at the cost of others. Then mutual symbiosis disappears and one-sided affairs end the relationship. Once fulfilling the demands becomes a burden, harmony is affected. Limitations of the concerned people are a matter not to be overlooked. In the capitalistic world of today, the ‘usability’ concept has become so dominant that everyone has to bear the brunt of it. Capitalism dehumanizes people and that is becoming a major concern in terms of health now.

Active conflict in the relationship may cause relations to be toxic. It is compulsive for many people to continue with toxic relations. Remember, toxic relations are major causes of illness and they outweigh the infectious diseases. In the so-called life style related diseases, the role of toxic relations can’t be underestimated.

Homoeopathic Perspective

The homeopathy interview that explores the inter-personal relationship yields rewards! Exploring each individual family member in terms of characters and then portraying the concerned patient’s image is one of the rewarding techniques of interview.

It is the underlying miasmatic activity which is responsible for the quality of relations. The relations in the psoric miasm are strained due to emotional over activity, but they don’t go for cut off. Meeting the emotional needs of the concerned reduces the strain in the psoric miasm. The sycotic relations are associated with many negative emotions that are hoarded inside; grudges, resentments, disappointments, jealousy, internalization of anger etc. characterize the phase of sycosis. Tubercular and syphilitic relations take on deviant and perverted routes and represent the human species’ animal instincts.

Let us deal with our remedies, the living, throbbing individuals of our Materia medica.

About the author

Ajit Kulkarni

Ajit Kulkarni

Dr. Ajit Kulkarni M.D.(Hom.)
International Teacher of Homoeopathy
Expert Guide towards many research projects of Central Council for Research in Homoeopathy, Government of India, New Delhi
Examiner and approved guide for post-graduate Studies in homeopathy, at many Universities in India
Guide for PG students in homeopathy, London School of Homeopathy
Hon. Emeritus Professor for Post–gr. (M.D.) courses in Homoeopathy, India
Author - “A Select Homoeopathic Matera Medica", “Law of Similars in Medical Science”, “Homoeopathic Posology”, “Kali Family and Its Relations”, “Body Language and Homoeopathy”, “More than 100 articles on various aspects of homeopathy”, “15 books in Russian language
Website: www.ajitkulkarni.com

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  • What an excellent article . Such insights to people that I have met in the Western world and our excessive materialistic culture.Very helpful .

  • Lovely article. This is a very interesting topic. I have alway thought of hoarding as being an issue of control – the client sees the world as being out of control or that he/she has no control over what happens in their world. I think it can also come about as a result of fear of poverty. A patient of mine in her early menopausal years was clean to the point of OCD and now is a hoarder because she fell and broke her leg, her husband would not clean the house and she began to resent doing everything – again the interpersonal relationships, control, and selfishness (because he does like things to be clean)!

  • Very informative article. Thank you!
    In this line chocolate also come to mind who build relationship only for benefit & acts like a genuine selfless person(political).

  • At the outset, thanks to Hpathy for giving space to such a beautiful required topic. This site has emerged a best homeopathic portal / platform to enrich the knowledge among homeopathic fraternity in the world. Entire topic by Dr. Kulkarni centres around human relationship in a social perspective & homoeopathic perspective. Dr. Kulkarni has mastery over creating a new dimension / horizon to new concept suited to homeopathy . He creates a new path to follow others . It is really true that ‘relationship’ does not exit with quantity but it survives with quality and selfishlessness . Quantity makes no sense. But mass is following superficial quantity . Gone are the days when a single relation used to be an example to follow. New generation/ even old generation are following with varying taste of relation , no matter broken in a very short period. So it has become a toxic . We fill bored in a quick succession. We find modern / latest definition of few medicines to grasp easily and easily to identify every where & there if looked with curiosity. This is an ocean in a bucket and Hpathy has got a golden weight with this appealing topic.

    Thank you.


  • Nice article. My dad was a terrible miser causing great hardship to his wife and children. Oh that a little pill could have changed him into the good man he could have been.

  • Hello Dr.Kulkarni,

    A very interesting perspective of the matter of excess has been presented in your article. Being a homeopath and getting to know vast amount of personalities gives you the chance to be able to draw fascinating conclusions and see beyond the standard disposition of thing in life. Like you said, excess is the wosrt desease of our century. Being and living so far from our natural state leads to inevitable loss of our simple mechanics of satisfying basic human needs. In return humans continuously are in demand, they want desperately to find love, understanding, wamth, but they have lost theire way. If you look at people shopping, they are senseless, there are no faces, no hearts, there are only hands, which grab, and grab, and grab. People hope possession would bring fulfilment of basic urge for love, trust, etc., but it just becomes an accelerating demand and the whole in soul becomes bigger and bigger. We have lost our natural senses…
    Best regards,
    Elka Atanasova

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