55 yr old female presenting with depression
She is allergic to Acacia
h/o chronic sinus
h/o asthma from age 2-8
h/o weight gain, insomnia, irritability, anger
cramps in lower legs and feet
hot and sweaty
she has had a problem with her health since her early twenties
h/o candida of the bowel
She is and was an anxious personality, a very sensitive person. She gets very protective of herself, very guarded, a loner
Oldest of two children, feels she wasn’t nurtured by her mother, closer to her father. She got the strap from her father. Her brother used to get her into trouble. She just turned off as a child. She turned off on the softer emotions and the anger was left. She was a bit depressed as a child. She didn’t mix
She was shy, not very confident.
Thinking about it, she is feeling tightness and heaviness from chest down to her pelvis, like it’s clenched. It’s like it goes down in a line, it’s all connected.
She didn’t feel her parents were affectionate to her.
She left school when she was 16. She went to tafe did a sec. course
She went on a 14 day camping trip with tafe. She was naive
She was raped when she was 17, felt like she was used by him, trash, no value.
She has a long standing thing that she needs people to need her and then she has value. There’s always been this brick wall between her and her mother. When she ate something she used to feel sick. She couldn’t drink orange juice as a baby or milk.
When she was 7 her nanna died and she was traumatized by that. Nanna was the only one who nurtured her. She used to cry a lot. It was like she was wrenched away. Anger to her mother.
Her throat feels tight, like a lump in her throat. She has always had a communication problem, expressing herself. She feels a deep hurt in her chest. She feels a heaviness and a block. It’s so solid that she feels her way around it. The opposite would be free flowing, open at ease. There’s a tension about it
She didn’t want to have children. She didn’t think she could cope physically.
She doesn’t think she can be pulled in too many directions mentally and emotionally. She didn’t want her kids to feel the way she did as a child. She was always home alone. She didn’t mind her own company because that’s all she had. When she was 25 she was living with a boyfriend with his two brothers. He bashed her because she wouldn’t tell him where the bullets for his gun were. She moved out.
Fear : having tight things around her neck she can’t breathe, like being hanged
Being too far from home
Driving on the freeway
She gets anxious being in the surf – fear of waves
Her mind is active when she tries to sleep. She has always been a light sleeper.
She wakes lethargic. Chronic fatigue
Dreams : scary, running away, she yells
Food : Averse to spicy food
She experiences thick post nasal drip. Sinus congestion- no pain – used to be dry- bleeding. Nose was blocked but not painful. Some headaches.
In life she feels like a ship without a rudder -no purpose -her life just happens and she doesn’t have control over it.
She doesn’t like extremes of heat or cold. She gets a lot of cramps in her legs when she’s lying down. She has cold feet.
Drugs: She’s on: Serapax, Allopurinol and Moduretic
When she was born she had skin growing over the entrance to her vagina. The GP opened her up and split the skin. Her boyfriend said she didn’t feel like a virgin. She has a low libido. She feels constrained – the opposite would be free flowing. She still has some trepidation – a need to change her situation work-wise. She is still not confident enough to go for things. She feels she is not confident because of not being nurtured when she was young. She was a recluse.
When her parents used to argue and come past her door, she would be afraid they would come into her room. She feels a big solid ball in her throat when she thinks of the bad things in her life; tingling down the sides of her face-finding it hard to swallow. She used to have dreams of people being tortured but never herself
There is a lot of stuff going on at work. There are changes going on at work.
She is a forward thinker, a planner only at work. She has to do things a certain way – order is important to her. She gets agitated if things are not in order.
She is beside herself with anxiety. She can’t think straight
She can’t function at home only at work – she feels she doesn’t have control at home. Her husband is also pulling the strings. She gets very emotional, feels a blockage in the base of her throat, a big ball in the base of her throat; it causes a communication blockage. It’s jammed down so tight and she doesn’t know how to get it out. It’s been hammered in, like a big bolt there and a metal lid on top. Sometimes she feels she’s better on her own. The ball is the unknown, the uncertainty. She doesn’t know what to do – feels like she’s battling all the time -herself against what’s outside the four walls – life. I don’t know how to do life. When I get dark and depressed I don’t know why I’m here. I just want to sit in a dark corner and disappear and not be anybody to anyone. Life is about learning, .when does it stop…when can I relax? She is tired, doesn’t want to work five days anymore. She feels she’s on a boat without a rudder.
On one hand she’s frightened of being lonely, on the other hand she likes her own space. Her home is her sanctuary. She feels like her life is over already,
she has nowhere to go. It’s like she gives up; she feels like she’s fighting herself to keep going. She’s mentally and physically zapped when she gets home from work.
She feels she’s let go of the wall that was between her and her mother. She feels like she’s torn between wanting to do things, which way to go or what to do.
She is not sleeping well…. her mind races when she goes to bed. She is fulfilling a need.. she needs people to need and value her.
She had to have good survival skills when she was young…she felt there was a lot of responsibility on her shoulders as a young person..she was always alone at home..she felt a heaviness over her chest..she blocked herself off from what she was feeling. She doesn’t feels she was loved and hugged as a child…she turned off and never said much…she turned off emotionally for a long time to protect herself from the hurt.
She is very cautious and stand offish with people… gets anxiety about certain situations. Being around people is stressful for her. She still has trouble knowing what she’s feeling – like she’s on an outside edge looking in. She sees the behaviour of people and she makes a decision if she likes people or not. She tries to understand why people do things. Life is like walking around in the dark …she can’t see the way forward because it’s all a blur.
Her main fear is loneliness…also water (the ocean)..chaos, fury as in natural disasters.
When she was young she learned not to have any expectations because she’d be disappointed. She feels she is going back to this now as it allows freedom. One of life’s necessities is to make money and she sees this as a barrier. It’s the how- to that has always stressed her. She didn’t have enough guidance when she was young. She feels contained with nowhere to move, feels rigid, tight.
I’m in a tiny little box – that’s why I’m contained..I’m in a little cage and don’t know how to get out.
She is restricted and can’t move…she feels trapped..opposite is flying
having the freedom to move around and have fun at the same time. She feels exhilarated, happy and being at one. She can see the sun and feel the warmth of the sun. She sees flowers and nature. She’s flying, she has clothes on.
She can hear noises but doesn’t know what’s going on. Imagines there’s a jungle of activity with wild animals, people with guns that can hurt you. She feels threatened so she gets small so they don’t notice her. Her heart feels heavy, like her heart is not a normal beating muscle – it’s rigid. Inside she’s shaking. It’s heavy like a pot – metal.
She doesn’t have any clothes on and she’s cold. There’s no sun. She feels like she’s an elf…she doesn’t understand what’s there..this creates a fear about the unknown….an elf has pointy ears, short hair, a tiny little person. When she needs some peace she goes into her zone
I prescribed bald eagle for this lady on the basis of her explaining that the opposite of her feeling of depression was to be flying, free.
- having the freedom to move around and have fun at the same time,
- feels exhilarated, happy and being at one can see the sun and feel the warmth of the sun
- sees flowers and nature
- now that she’s flying she has clothes on
- felt she was in a cage
- felt restricted
- feeling trapped
I felt we were looking for an animal remedy because she spoke of survival and the need to make money. The bird kingdom seemed indicated because of her use of the words – trapped, flying, free, cage, freedom.
She is doing very well now, has regained her confidence and feels valued both at work and at home. She’s had two doses of Bald Eagle over 6 months. She has not been to see me for some months but rings regularly to give me an update.