3-14-07 – 58 year old female
The Interview –
Patient: I’m trying to handle my level of excitement. My son’s been diagnosed with high cholesterol. My asthma has kicked up after many years of not bothering me. There’s constant clear phlegm.
I’m not coping well. I’m consumed by thoughts about my son. I fear that I’m making myself sick. It’s always me to fix and do. ‘Am I ever going to have any peace?’ ‘I’m supposed to fix this’. I feel helpless because I can’t. I want some peace. I have an expectation, some guilt that I should fix it. There’s something I should do to fix it. ‘Why me?? Am I ever going to have some peace??’
I suck it up–‘this is your cross to bear’. ‘Why can’t I get rid of these thoughts?’ I have a hard time pushing these thoughts away. The thoughts are intruding. I feel like I’ve been intruded on my whole life. My mom will be talking to me about my abusive dad, and I’m thinking ‘why is this my problem?! I have enough of my own problems–you deal with it!’
It’s another thing I have to deal with. I’m the mother. I’m exhausted–my brain’s exhausted. I can’t just hear someone’s problems–my heart goes out to people. I carry all of this. I’m bubbling over–no more space in my body for any of this. I’m not happy with the intrusion.
I have a feeling of being squeezed. I want to scream, go running. I’d just love to sit quietly, smell my herbs. I love the color green. I love to be quiet.
Hard, aggressive people make me cringe. I’m so aware. My whole body wants to shrivel up, squeeze up. But I don’t hold grudges. I deal with the “now”. I’m supposed to be the “fix-all”. Why do I feel like I need to take that on? The less I know about others’ problems the better.
I’m doing what I had to do as a kid. I’d have to physically break my parents apart, and I was this puny kid. People think ‘you’re the strong one, you’re going to be able to take care of it’. Why does everyone think I’m so strong? I get in there and get the job done.
But I’m suffering like everyone else. Who else is going to do it? I got the label from the family–they all rely on me. There’s a feeling of invasion. I feel choked and squeezed. When people have an aggressive attitude, I feel such drainage. They’re draining every bit of life out of me. It’s a feeling of draining, shrinking, shriveling, exhaustion. I may not be able to bring myself back up.
I’m getting squeezed. Everyone’s taking from me. Everyone wants a piece of me. I’m losing all these parts of my body. They’re going to pick me apart until only my head is left. I save people from heartache.
I enjoy all kinds of weather. My favorite color was red, but I evolved to like the color green. I prefer dainty, pretty. I love the quiet of small bookstores.
My whole core is squeezing together. There’s a feeling of not getting air–squeezing, choking. I need fresh air. I have fight or flight–I run away. I don’t want to attack, so I get away.
Practitioner: Are there any environments in which your symptoms improve or worsen?
Patient: I get relief by looking at a tree or bush. Any kind of tree. My favorite flower is a daisy. Before I die, I want to run through a whole field of daisies. I could just sit in a field and experience peace. I’ve been searching for the past ten years to find a painting of a field of daisies.
I’m very aware–I appreciate the things around me, and I’m supersensitive to others. People have a draw to me–they ‘know’ me. But I don’t know what it is that I do, or what I put out there.
ANALYSIS: The client describes the feeling that others are relying on her to fix their problems, with feelings of intrusion, constriction and being drained in the process. She expects herself to be able to fix the problems, but then says ‘why does everyone think I’m so strong? I’m suffering like everyone else.’ Her son’s recent diagnosis of high cholesterol had brought her to the clinic, as she felt unable to help him. It was then that she’d begun to experience old asthmatic symptoms. It seemed significant that she felt such a strong attraction to the daisy (Bellis perennis), one of the finest remedies for healing soft tissue injuries, and which is prepared from the whole plant tincture.
In a more recent proving of Bellis perennis by Deacon and Smith (1997), mental symptoms included a narrow, constricted feeling, along with a feeling of penetration. Bellis is also listed under asthmatic respiration.
PLAN: Bellis Perennis LM 2
In the first week after beginning the remedy the client experienced near complete resolution of her asthmatic symptoms. She’s provided regular e-mail follow-ups, and over the past year, she’s used increasing LM potencies approximately every 6 weeks as other symptoms continue to resolve. In July ’08 she’s beginning with a new bottle of Bellis perennis LM 10, and in a comprehensive follow-up she states:
Patient: My asthma symptoms have been fine since the very beginning of starting the remedy. The choking feeling, the closed up feelings are gone. The feelings of being drained are also gone.
I’m not being burdened because I’m not internalizing other people’s problems. The weight of other people hasn’t been there–it’s dispersed. That feeling of everyone taking a piece of me is gone. I don’t care to react; the need to defend myself is gone. As a child I was the family caretaker, and throughout my life I’ve tended to react quickly, with fire.
The anxious thoughts are much better. I haven’t had those stupid thoughts in my head. I don’t have that tiredness in my head–that feeling of ‘what can I do to fix it’ is gone. I’d wake up in the middle of the night worrying, not able to get back to sleep. Now I’m sleeping through the night and waking up feeling like a million dollars!
The remedy has helped tremendously. I wonder what I’d be like if I didn’t have homeopathy. I’m like a second person watching myself and my reactions. I’m amazed that I’m staying so calm.
I’m thankful for how far things have come–if you want to take a picture of me, I’m happy to share my experience with anyone who would benefit.