I met Heather in 2003 when she was 33 years old. She came for help with depression she had experienced since her teen years. In 2008, she was officially diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, after a hospitalization. She also struggled with migraines, pain in her knees and insomnia.
The initial conversations with Heather focused on her restlessness, anxiety, her childhood experiences and her difficulty finding a role in life. Heather had tried many directions in life including law school, medical school, massage school, Marine Corps, retail work, telemarketing, bar tending and so on, without finding a satisfying niche. Her father had died when she was a teen and her mother a couple years prior to her coming to me. She was removed from her mother’s home during her teen years when her mother bit her during an intense argument. She described living pretty much on her own then, sometimes stealing just for fun.
We worked together over 9 years, meeting just 7 times.
Over time, I gave her hydrogen, Falco-p, Veratrum album, Opium (once each) and Stramonium (twice). I gave Opium after a serious rafting accident that still terrified her months later. Heather reported that each remedy helped her a lot, but I knew I’d not found her match…not until 2010.
8.14.10 OBSERVATION: Heather arrived looking different than I’d ever seen her: dressed in black leather jacket, black pants with a black studded belt, black boots with thick high heels. Her hair was slicked straight back with mousse. Standing extremely tall and straight, her energy was intimidating…a feeling of being challenged. She filled the room with her power. Following are her words, edited only for brevity; underlined pieces point to themes of the remedy:
8.14.10 HEATHER SPEAKS: I got into a bad relationship when I got here. She has powers beyond normal. She threw me out and got a restraining order and made that permanent. I’m appealing it. She is verbally abusive. I can feel her energy.
We broke up in April. She used my mental illness to get the restraining order and that was a low blow. She preys on people. During this stretch I did a road race…60 miles of riding to practice and 100 miles in the race.
I am sleeping 4 hours a night and waking exactly after 4 hours of sleep no matter how tired I am. I woke last night as if a loud noise had happened in the room. I’m living in a house with friends. It’s civilized, the best situation I’ve ever had. I fall asleep in 10 seconds. I wake as though an earthquake or gunshot has happened…loud and sudden. I am not in a panic state but wide awake, 100% awake. Alert.
I had an energy treatment recently with crystals and rocks. The stones she put on my chakras felt really heavy. It was like alien fingers, needles, were right here on my chest and throat. Like she cut me open and sewed me back up. I associated that with my partner. It was as if pulling needles from my neck. My partner was trying to get needles, the tentacles back in me.
She knew I was bi-polar. She knew before and after the crisis in the hospital. She courted me for three years and tried to seep into the folds of my being. My skin crawled. Then she used my mental illness against me. Yes we were both verbally abusive but I never tried to strike her, never shoved her back. I couldn’t move because she had me in a hold. It felt like control all the time and very aggressive…which truthfully was attractive too. She wanted to control and dominate me and didn’t allow me other friends.
I wanted to bolt sometimes. Like a wild horse. Like I’d chew off my hands if I had to, to get away. Like I’d run as fast as I could in the other direction to avoid being consumed. I don’t want to be consumed. My heart would race and I’d have extreme fear like never before. She promised to take care of me and protect me.
I get a chill in my spine talking about it, a reflexive action, like a vibration, like shackles on my ankles. I see myself jumping up and running away. I felt suffocated like something heavy was on me, consuming me, like being laid on by some heavy weight and all the air was sucked out of me. Like this blackness sucking me.
Once I saw a puma. I hiked out 15 miles to get away. It was skin and bones and just stared at me. Svelte, quick, and then disappeared. I have such respect for starving predators. Like grasping the edge of a chasm. Who will survive? I have a lifelong relationship with that animal. One time I wanted to know my totem animal and asked the universe to see it…and had a dream of a mountain lion that very night. They are extremely powerful; my dogs are afraid of them. I could smell its urine when I saw it. It was so observant, like my partner. So fast. They will track people. I do carry when I hike…the judge took my firearms away with the restraining order. So fast though, you would not have time to turn your head; so big and strong.
MY QUESTION: When you wake suddenly in the night, what is it like?
It’s like an animal is about to attack me, is watching me. Cats sleep with one eye open, always on guard…that’s how I feel now. Like my hackles are up. She is a stalker, watching me on Facebook. I went to another city and she was there. She’s watching me, trying to see what I am doing. She contacts me without contacting me. It’s a power play and she is trying to be sure she wins. I am always watching for her now too.
My hackles are up like an animal. I am not able to sleep because I am always looking around. I never relax unless I drink to shut it off and be free of it.
MY QUESTION: Tell me about your tattoos? (She has six.)
I drew these flames when I was a child so I had them tattooed here. I have a tattoo colt 45 on my abdomen. I am into guns. Societies are better without them for sure. But my biggest fear is a man standing over my bed with a gun…the ultimate powerlessness. I would not be raped without fighting to my death…taking back the power.
I could be broke, naked and in jail but I would still have my tattoos. Its’ like f— you! Try to take my tattoos or my memories! I like guns. I do target practice daily; but I don’t know if I could fire at a person.
REMEDY: Lac Puma Concolor 30C (NOTE: 30c was the only potency I had on hand, and given her dress this day, I might have given black puma had I had the remedy on hand).
10.23.10: OBSERVATION: Heather arrives with a new soft hairstyle, wearing a soft pink sweater and gray wool slacks. Her whole presence and look have changed.
10.23.10 HEATHER SPEAKS:
I am in a new relationship. I have always just done my own thing, made all my own rules. Two nights ago I went out to drink with some friends and stayed with a guy. It’s what I wanted. It was a mistake. Now I want to be the person who can be trusted instead. It just happened.
She and I are in line for promotions at work. I’m top in line now.
I’ve had this problem with promiscuity. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t know if I can say no. I think I do it because I just can and it makes me cool. It is not fulfilling. I don’t want to do that anymore. I have been a really free spirit but it’s not what I want anymore.
I am not afraid anymore. I have lived in fear most of my life but it is gone. I have always gotten angry and been mean and cutting but I don’t want to do that anymore. I am able to listen now and stay calm and be hurt maybe but not going to negatives. I have always run away and I don’t want to do that now.
This is different. I am the beta now. I’ve always run the whole show and really I’m not that good at it. She is the alpha now.
I am sleeping well and long. One night I was sleeping on my side and felt that feeling of needles in my neck. But it was not scary.
I do not feel depressed anymore. Sad sometimes, but not depressed. I am looking forward to winter for the first time in forever.
REMEDY GIVEN: Repeat Lac Puma Concolor 30c
8.18.11: HEATHER SPEAKS:
This relationship is totally different in power dynamics and communication than any before. I have to be different in it. I am able to see the bigger picture. I don’t get upset over petty things. I had a revelation about all the bitching and complaining in life: shut up unless you have a better idea, and mostly I don’t.
July 4th we had a blow up…little things began bugging me again. Things would come out my mouth before I thought about them. How much work the relationship is, is now exhausting me. I am more wired than before now too. Sometimes I feel like I am just proving how tough I am. Now it’s like there’s energy inside of me trying to get out. I want to run away and live in my truck…but it’s not what I really want. I am drinking a lot again and had not been for a long time.
We were both singled out for promotion but nothing came of it. Things are not going anywhere. I think what’s the point? I feel like boils on me, like eruptions…it’s like the bile of a dog in there.
I’m in a conundrum…I don’t want to bolt this time. The last two nights I’ve not slept well. I am feeling dissatisfaction, boredom, there is nothing to DO. So I go drink beer at the river. Having her kid around, I just can’t consider myself. For the last year, I’ve been pretty happy too. Now the restlessness is back.
I’m a little excitable again. I hate to admit it. This homeopathy process is incredibly fascinating. My partner is tired of hearing me complain. I just want to vent and end the feeling. I think I’m slipping back.
8.18.11: REMEDY: Lac Puma Concolor 200c
9.1.13: PHONE CALL: I called Heather to discuss publication of her case and she shared the following:
The last remedy was life-changing for me, totally. It is nothing short of a miracle what has happened for me. I have the same issues in life, but they are not out of hand any more, I can manage them. And I am not afraid any more. I thought I would always be afraid, but I’m not. But I am wanting to run again. I remember now, reading about my case, that you told me to get in touch if I wanted to run again. I forgot that, but my partner pointed it out a couple weeks ago. I’m not sleeping as well either.
REMEDY: Lac Puma Concolor 200C
Heather continues to work in management in a department store and remains in the same relationship. She sleeps well and has no migraines. Her knee pain is not a major issue. She is no longer promiscuous. She takes no medications for her mental illness, and is not working with a mental health professional.
Notice that as she heals, the animal kingdom talk decreases. The same issues of her life have taken a human form and as such are much less a problem. As Dr. Rajan Sankaran describes, the right remedy “turns down the volume of the animal, plant or mineral song.”
Lac Puma is made from the milk of a puma (also called mountain lion, catamount, panther or cougar). The largest males are more than 6 feet long with a graceful black tipped tail that is itself about 32 inches long. Pumas are a tawny to light cinnamon color. The male may weigh 130 pounds or more. The West, including Colorado, is a stronghold for the puma which is extinct in the East. They are most abundant in the foothills, canyons, mesas, brushy and woodland areas than the forests and open prairies. These secretive animals are not often seen by people In Colorado in part because they are more active at night, although they hunt in the daylight.
The staple of the puma is deer. Adults often eat a deer a week. They hunt by stealth and have been known to stalk a specific prey over days. Although attacks on humans are rare, joggers and hikers in puma territory are warned to change routes and times of their exercise to increase safety. Pumas will pounce from a tree or rock outcropping onto the game trail, attacking the prey from behind. The prey is killed cleanly and quickly by a broken neck. The puma will gorge on the carcass, cover the remainder with leaves or conifer needles and sit for a few days, resting and digesting.
Pumas are solitary animals especially the adult males. They move in a smooth, graceful, unhurried way, putting their back paw in the print of the front one.
KINGDOM: The themes of survival, threat, power, competition, attack and defense, victim/aggressor, manipulation, hierarchy/domination, conflict with self, and freedom/trapped or caged are animal kingdom themes.
SPECIES: Themes of mammals are submission and dominance, self-vs-group, self-criticism, need to belong to group/paying a price to the group, fight for supremacy within the group, and conflict over control of sexuality.Themes of predator mammals are challenge, power, chase, strength, vigilant, fight/flight, escape, and alertness.
People needing remedies made from predator animals often express both the experience of the predator AND the prey, as Heather does. In addition, Heather describes her ex-partner with words and phrases that point to predator animals. We see in others what we know in ourselves.
Following are themes and source information of big cats which are reflected in Heather’s words:
POWER, CONTROL, STRENGTH, EGO, THE BEST
IF I LOSE THE BATTLE OR BECOME WEAK OR DISABLED, IT IS THE END OF ME
AGGRESSION AND NEED TO WIN, GUTS, WIN OR DIE
CALLING THE SHOTS
Like to PUSH TO THEIR LIMIT but not to BE pushed
DEGENERATION AND INCAPACITY
HATE INJUSTICE AND CHEATS
CLAUSTROPHOBIC LOSS OF FREEDOM is the ultimate insult/threat
LEAPS ONTO AND HOLDS PREY DOWN
ATTACK SUDDENLY, FROM BEHIND, BITE INTO BACK OF NECK OF PREY
ACTIVE AT NIGHT, ALTHOUGH HUNTS IN DAY
FINAL THOUGHTS: Looking back, I’ve sometimes wished I’d seen Heather during 7 appointments in 7consecutive months. At first my undeveloped skills were a barrier to seeing the picture and she offered mainly the restlessness and fear, which could have been so many remedy pictures. We have to keep learning in homeopathy, all the time: learning remedies, learning about the animals, plants and minerals from which our remedies are made, and learning better how to listen to verbal, non-verbal and energetic statements from our clients. As time went on, I practiced using source information in solving cases, Heather’s state deepened, and her descriptions of her experience became more graphic…culminating in the conversation where she filled the room with her puma energy. We were both in the right place at the right time.