I have an imbalance and vertigo feeling when I come to an uneven pavement or a curb. My depth perception is uneven. Driving is limited and I have to wear a patch. I didn’t drive for a year. When traffic is light, the most difficult part is going around pillars.
If I open the eye, I have double vision. I can’t go for a run or play soccer and my ability to judge depth is off. I have been taking falls. I’ve been diagnosed with thyroiditis, some kind of autoimmune disease. Usually in this both eyes are bulging. My thyroid is fine.
My work is soul sucking, conflict resolution. I’m managing coordinating major projects. There’s nothing for me to prove, my work stands for itself. Dealing with political business that is against my political belief system. I go into a meeting and have to bite my tongue.
I’ve had two vasovagal attacks where I’ve passed out. When it happens if I can catch it, I lie down and won’t pass out. Once it was at a hockey game when a kid was screaming from pain on the ice. I had a sense of the pain and I passed out. I have this when I see or hear of blood or bleeding of any kind. I am sensitive to it, even the thought of someone in pain.
I have been having nightmares, someone trying to kill me or stressful situations. I wake up and my heart is pounding. I can be up for 1.5 hours at night. I am a light sleeper. The muscles in my legs and back have been tight like guitar strings. I’ve been getting extreme muscle cramps at night.
I like to have a clean kitchen, no clutter, when things are not done or incomplete I have a trapped feeling. I feel like I’m in a cage and can’t get out, like an animal in a cage, circling. I like to move, I like to get out and be who I am. I am fearful of failure, someone will point the finger at me.
I go to great lengths to protect myself. I protect myself at work, I do everything I can to protect myself and my client. I have some anger management issues. I have little patience. I don’t get as angry anymore but when I hear people yelling I have to leave. At work, it’s a game, an act, not fulfilling, these guys are plastic/surface/can’t go deep with anything. I’m in a cage, it’s self imposed. I don’t want to give up what I have.
History
P had recently undergone 10 sessions of radiation treatment for the eye the Spring before with no effect. He reports two Pfizer vaccines, and I asked if there was change after and he reports no. His double vision has been so bad, he may be forced to give up his driving license. This has serious implications for his work and life.
Observations: The right eye is not tracking with his other eye and is swiveling independently. His right eye is very swollen, almost to the point of being totally shut.
Case Analysis
The plant themes here of sensitivity and reactivity are the most clear for me. There are also animal themes coming through the case, howeve, there is not enough clarity for me to go in this direction.
Gelsemium Themes
Generalities: blood, wounds, sight of, agg: Gels (13)
Generalities: faintness, pain from: Gels (88)
Generalities: faintness, fainting surprise after: Gels (2)
Generalities: faintness, fainting, deathly: Gels (9)
Vision: diplopia: ptosis, in Gels (2)
Eyes, falling of lids: right: Gels (4)
In Gelsemium, affection of motor nerves produces all types of functional paralysis: eyes, throat, larynx. Dullness, dizziness, drowsiness, eye or visual effects, tremor, usually accompany most of the conditions in which Gels is indicated. Worse: emotions. Dread. Shocks, Ordeals. Surprise.
Prescription: Gels 200c
October 2021
Summary: It’s been a month and the nightmares which he has been having for some time have disappeared and the disrupted sleep has improved. The violent cramps and leg spasms have resolved. I assess these are good signs and we are going in the right direction.
Ongoing visits
I saw P for six weeks of regular visits and the remedy was repeated. Each time, there were visible improvements. It began with his next visit in November 2021, where the eyes began to track together, an encouraging sign of healing.
Over the next months, the eye began to open and the double vision improved. He would illustrate with his hands, the distance at which the two images were apart. Each time we spoke, his hands would come closer together.
September 2022
One of the things growing up: not being heard, not being valued. My mother does not respect me or my position, it is coming up for me now. I have anger, about not feeling valued, nothing that I say at work is being followed. If I continue working, I want to feel I am creating value, I feel unrecognized, unnoticed.
Lost my temper, they don’t care, smash them with my truth bat. I have tightness, wanting to scream, monkey chatter in my brain. I feel disrespected, devalued. Gets me churned up, I would yell, give the person a dressing down. I would say “This is not how it works!”, getting my shot in there, revenge/self satisfaction.
People were scared of me; they thought I was going to yell at them again. Why do I have to have this nervous energy around responding. I’ve got it cocked and ready to machine gun.
Observations
The swelling is gone. The eye is open normally, the eyes are tracking together. Depth perception problem occurs only when he looks hard to the right, and to a much less degree. He is driving without wearing an eye patch.
Analysis
There is a shift in the energy of the case. P is much more vocal about his work situation and themes of not feeling seen or heard or respected by the people he works with. This is not a new topic, but the energy and the way he talks about it is very much on the forefront. I do not feel I have enough information or clarity to feel confident to change the remedy.
November, 2022.
I am flustered, having trouble dealing with one person. People are not respecting me, not taking me seriously. Dismissive towards me and what I say. It is hard to control my emotions, my heart is beating, I feel trapped. Nowhere to go, I may get into trouble. I am politely aggressive.
Standing up for myself, the welling of heat, and anxiety. Blah comes out, when your body is having a chemical response. I can’t stop it. Like the vasovagal attack, if I get really upset with sadness or pain I’ll pass out.
I feel trapped, it comes out in anger and my heart beating, I want to scream. The energy wells up, verbal comes out as an attack. Aggressive, passionate, uncontrollable. It happens quickly and dissipates. I am stretched to the limit, the cup overflows, it spills out…blah.
Projectile, straight to the person to shut him down. It’s a cloaking, covering them, so they can’t keep doing what they are doing – it’s projectile, like a sheath, plastic, bed sheet. I can shut it down this way so I don’t have to listen to it, so I can block seeing them and what they are saying.
After my body shuts down, I feel guilty. I shouldn’t have done that. I run away, I capsule or cocoon, so they can flap their gums and I don’t have to hear it. There is fear there, of repercussion, I knew I was losing control, I couldn’t shut it down. Fear that I can’t control, I should be able to control it or take another path.
Case Analysis
Animal themes
Victimized
Me against the group
Someone dominating me/harassing me Protect myself
Mollusc Themes
Vulnerability when exposed to the outer world
Threat to one’s protection, resulting in anxiety and insecurity
Cephalopod Themes
Camouflage
Inking
Hiding
Escaping
Here is a clear expression from a deep sensation place. I feel we have moved into a next prescription. Inking is the protective instinct of the octopus group when threatened.
Sepia Mental themes:
Contradiction of will
The main feeling of Sepia is he is are forced to undertake things opposed to his intentions, to do what he doesn’t want to do. There is a feeling of dependance in Sepia, feeling forced to accept situations against her will, because of her feeling of not being good enough. This makes her miserable and she feels unfortunate. (Sankaran)
Other Mental Symptoms
Delusion he is poor
Fault finding, fretful, sarcastic, spiteful, striking, vexed and disposed to scold.
Undertakes things opposed to his intentions
Anxiety: with fear, flushes of heat, about real or imaginary evils
Generalities
Ptosis: flabby muscles, prolapse, relaxation. Drooping of eyelids Easy fainting (esp in warm rooms and when kneeling)
Prescription: Sepia 1M
Dec 2022
I am less reactive. This afternoon I was laughing at something and she was surprised I was laughing. The way I take information, it is different now. I used to have a negative spin on it, now I take it differently. I’ve been giving the game away. Now I am farming out the things that I don’t want to do that give me stress and have no value for me.
I am managing my energy differently. I have a feeling of satisfaction, things I can do in my own time. My sleep is good, still no nightmares or lingering images.
My right eye depth perception is coming back, driving is easier. It is not noticeable anymore.
My humanitarian nature is coming out, it feels good. It is not a side that was appreciated, to help someone. I’m letting myself be seen. I never used to do this. I can speak more calmly and in a more relaxed way and no one talks over me, that’s a change!
Case Analysis
There has been a big softening in the negative interpretations and protective reactivity that P has had with both his work situation and his personal relationships. These themes are lifelong. He is expressing more self acceptance and confidence and is more open to share parts of himself he has kept hidden. I have confidence healing will continue on a deep level for him.
