Who remembers last month’s exciting quiz presented by Caralyn about her father with the runny eyes? Here it is again for those of you who missed it.
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Hi Kelly!
Hello, Elaine; why are you playing Pat Boone on your stereo?
Isn’t he the milk-toast / white-bread teenage idol from the ’50’s who attempted to sing all of Little Richard’s and Fats Domino’s songs? He sounded like such a dork! What was he thinking?
Kelly, his record label made him do it, I don’t think Pat Boone even liked those songs!
Have you given up on James Brown?
Kelly, the Quiz audience has given up on James Brown!
What? What do you mean?
I didn’t get a single request for more songs by The Godfather of Soul–except for this emotional letter from Shana:
Dear Mom,
Please play more James Brown! Can I go to bed now?
Elaine, what could be causing the Quiz audience to turn on James Brown?
It must be DS, Kelly.
DS??? (Gasp!) You mean ….?
Yes: Dorks Syndrome! It’s a very rare virus.
What’s the remedy for that?
Pat Boone 30C!
How do you make that?
You play Pat Boone singing one of Little Richard’s songs and place a vial of alcohol in front of one of the speakers, then close your ears! That’s the Pat Boone mother tincture!
OMG!!!! Turn it off!!!! That was insane!!! He was out of time, he sounded like an idiot, the band even went to the wrong note at one point…!
That was Pat Boone singing “Tutti Frutti”!
I gotta get outta here! Taxi!!!!
Kelly, wait! Your case………Kellyyyyyyyyyyyy……….Rats! I can’t believe this keeps happening! Luckily I’ve got Caralyn on stand-by; you all remember Caralyn, don’t you? Her father had gout?
Caralyn, did you bring a case for us today?
Elaine, you know me, I live in a crazy house! I have a son who sneezes, come to think of it my mother sneezes too.
Dear God, this is interesting; but, keep in mind that we do have to be out of here by midnight.
No problem. Would you like to hear my father’s case?
If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.
Ahem! OK, here it goes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my case which I am simply calling, “Oh Dad!”
“Oh Dad, what is wrong with your eyes?” These were the first words out of my mouth when I spotted my father as he came to our house to visit a few weeks ago. The question just rolled off my tongue when I saw him squinting as he kissed me hello. My father who rarely complains, as he prefers a state of perfect health, simply responded, “They have been itchy, burning and very watery for over a week now. When I’ve been getting up these past mornings I am shocked by how much water is running out of them, it’s unbelievable!” He continued to tell me that he is constantly rubbing his eyes and now he even has a bruised sensation under his eyes from constantly attacking them.
To start from the beginning my father, who lives in Florida, came up north to see us and soon after developed a run-of-the-mill cold. As the cold subsided he was left with this unusual problem of itchy, watery, burning eyes. This never before happened to him.
Instead of having compassion for my poor father, I was elated at the opportunity to try ___________! Elaine, our most favorite homeopath in the world, has touted the benefits of _________ and unfortunately, oops I mean fortunately, I have never had an opportunity to employ its use. But anyway, I skipped over to my drawer of homeopathic remedies and, VOILA, I found ________ 30c just waiting there for this unexpected moment!!
As Elaine always recommends, I gave it diluted in water. I gave the remedy two separate times, a half an hour apart with 5 succussions before each dose. My father is quite the chatterbox and while he was giving us the details of his week—he was visting on a Sunday—I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes, which were nothing but slits– were opening up wider and wider! Once I realized this I casually asked him after one hour how he felt and his answer was “….dum-de-da-da-dum…. You know what? I feel much better.” I did a victory dance inside my head.
Unfortunately about 2 hours further along his symptoms started to return and he started once again with the rubbing. I repeated the 30c two more times before he went to bed—fortunately he was sleeping over—and again he felt better. The best news is that in the morning all that remained of his discomfort was the bruised feeling under his eyes from the incessant rubbing. That soon cleared up on its own and I have not heard a word about his eyes ever since.
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OK, everybody, it’s time to get to work! Who came up with the right answer? Nooshin sent in a very extensive commentary. Take it away, Nooshin!
Hi dear dear Elaine !
Once again thrilled by the scope and depth of your words and wisdom. You know, this multi-dimensional attitude toward any subject is what our world needs. You indirectly discuss human behavior, sociology even philosophy alongside homeopathy. This is wisdom; something more ennobling than knowledge. We face many knowledgeable people each day but few wise ones!
Pat Boone and the like are everywhere and racism exists not just between blacks and whites: even among whites. We live in different societies but in one world. I deeply appreciate you. And like Kelly, I can’t take another minute of Pat Boone singing “Tutti Frutti” either! This Dork’s syndrome is very widespread.
For the quiz, let’s highlight the key words—I will put them in CAPS:
“Oh Dad, what is wrong with your EYES?” These were the first words out of my mouth when I first spotted my father as he came to our house to visit a few weeks ago. The question just rolled off my tongue when I saw him SQUINTING as he kissed me hello. My father who rarely complains, as he prefers a state of perfect health, simply responded, “They have been ITCHY, BURNING AND VERY WATERY for over a week now. When I’VE BEEN GETTING UP THESE PAST MORNINGS I am shocked by HOW MUCH WATER IS RUNNING out of them, it’s unbelievable!” He continued to tell me that he is constantly rubbing his eyes and now he even has a BRUISED sensation under his eyes from constantly attacking them. …
This should be Euphrasia , the famous eye remedy, with its typical lachrymation, squinting and wiping.
With best wishes,
Nooshin Azadi
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Thanks Nooshin! Now, if only you had been right! But don’t feel bad, just about everyone else picked Euphrasia –which, of course, is Eyebright! But here’s the problem: What’s the most striking thing about this case? It’s the amount of watery discharge–as you pointed out, “Very Watery”! Caralyn’s father even says, “It’s unbelievable!” What remedy has discharges like water running from a faucet? The rubric is, “Eyes: lachrymation, profuse”. There are only three remedies and two of them no one has in their first aid kit and one of them I’ve never even heard of, so that basically leaves the one that’s left: ALLIUM CEPA!
Now, I know what you’re thinking, what about the itching/burning part of the complaint? Well, “Eyes: itching”, Allium cepa is a 2; and “Eyes: burning”, Allium cepa is a 3. Yes, I know, they all say that the eye discharge in Allium is bland, BUT, maybe it WAS bland! Maybe it was the eyes or the eyelids that were burning, not the discharge per se; oh, and here’s an interesting rubric, “Eyes: burning, rub, must”–Allium cepa (3). There’s only three remedies in that rubric! Pulsatilla’s one of them, but we would expect a Pulsatilla discharge to be thick and creamy, not watery.
We can’t make much of the eyes being slits because if you’re going to rub your eyes so much that they hurt, it’s only natural that you’re going to cause swelling, making your eyes look like slits. Likewise, the bruised sensation is a meaningless symptom since the non-stop rubbing is what’s causing it.
So, we’ve got key rubrics in this case that Euphrasia just isn’t in.
As far as what our winners had to say, an “Eric Cartman” from England writes:
I didn’t dare look at Pat Boone…
Tutti Frutti works for me every time!
For Clyde Frog I would probably try Allium cepa or a kick in the [censored].
Your friend,
Eric Cartman
Thank you, “Eric”, for that inspiring letter.
Our winners were: Eric Cartman, Elisabeth F., Anna Cockell and A. Rahman Tahir.
And now, for our winners, here is the real King of Rock ‘n’ Roll (and everybody knows it!) Little Richard, singing “Tutti Frutti”.
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Elaine Lewis, DHom, CHom. Elaine takes online cases. Visit her website at https://ElaineLewis.hpathy.com
